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"Look, I'm not gay or anything"

But this lunchtime, from the remnants of a buffet lunch, I had some fruit.
And I liked it.

But that doesn't make me gay.

Are we talking about being gay or fruit?

You always choke on the pips.

I would agree that the Bruce Willis/Orange translation is true.

Oranges are monsters of a fruit. The zest gets everywhere, they're rock hard and perfect for throwing at children and the elderly, whilst Kiwi fruit is pointless and nasty fuzzy little fruit.

Heterosexuals like melons, he he.

Thats only the equivalent of a cross-dresser.

Nowt to worry about.

Hmmm, I like fruit flavours, like Opal Fruits and stuff, but don't much like the fruits themselves.

Will I be okay, or should I get a divorce now to save later heartbreak?

Glad to see plums making an appearance!

Fruit range from being very gay (10) to hard as nails (1). Let me explain...

1. Oranges - Bruce Willis
2. Pears
3. Apples
4. Bananas
5. Melons
6. Satsumas
7. Strawberries
8. Plums
9. Grapes
10. Kiwi - Julian Clarey

They are extra manly if unripe.
And when I say hard as nails, it's only hard as fruit go. Of course the hardest food to be seen with is a Lion Bar.

Do you agree?

But the fruit incident was following on from some sandwiches with the following man-filling:

Chicken Tikka
Roast Beef & Horseradish
Ham & Mustard

So I think I got away with it.

You lot don't know the rules?

Man Food:
Steak. Burgers. Curry. Pizza. Potato. Kebab

Woman Food:
Lasagne. Pasta. Rice. Prawns

Gay Food:
Fruit. Vol-au-Vents. Blamanche. Trifle.

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I'm shocked.
But I just ate fruit