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1. You don’t need to do any work!
Don’t bother making any of your own games (well, maybe just a few), rely totally on 3rd party developers to push your console for you! And don’t forget to pay developers for exclusive rights!
2. Conform!
Conform to the expected social standards of society! Don’t try anything new or different, that will only confuse the half-wits who buy your console! Keep it a simple shape, in plain black. That’s cool don’t you know, and after all; it’s being cool that will sell your console, not your sub standard games! Make sure all the games revolve around shooting things with big guns, that’s what’s ‘cool’!
3. Have killer hype!
You don’t need truly great games, just pile on the hype! Your customers are too stupid to think for themselves, they’ll buy what you tell them to buy; it doesn’t matter if it’s a complete load of overrated crap! You can be sure your brain dead fans will spread the ‘X gam iz da best eva!’ message throughout the world.
4. Keep it familiar!
Remember, words like ‘innovative’ and ‘original’ are words you want to avoid! Make the design something familiar, household objects like a toaster or digital alarm clock are good designs to base yours on! Though it would be wise to add labels informing owners not to insert any bread into the disc drive.
5. Smother them!
Advertise on *everything*! It doesn’t matter that your adverts are terrible and make no sense! Just watch out with the slogans, ‘The Third Place’ may confuse the majority of your potential customers into thinking it has something to do with space or time, or maybe even big numbers!
6. It’s quantity that counts!
So you only have a handful of decent games, not a problem! Simply release 500 rubbish games alongside them, people will be so spoilt for sub rate choice, they’re sure to come flocking to buy your console!
7. Steal all your ideas!
Don’t worry about having to engage the old grey matter, your competitors will do it for you! So you’re entering the 3D realm, control is a bit iffy, but don’t fret! Sooner or later Nintendo will come along and add an analogue stick (as already seen many years before) to make 3D games’ controls precise and responsive! Then you can simply slap two on your own pad, and it will be miles better!
There’s plenty to look forward too as well, it won’t be long before you can swipe the rumble pak idea too! Oh and don’t forget four player games! Although you probably don’t want to bother with that, just make them pay for a multi-tap instead.
8. Quality? Pffftttt
Don’t worry about making your console out of decent materials, some second rate bodging should do the job nicely. After all, when it breaks your blind zealot fans will simply rush out to buy another of your over priced contraptions! And forget about how the disc drive breaks if you use it standing on it’s side, it’s irrelevant!
9. Don’t forget the rehash!
Don’t forget to rework your original design, and release exactly the same console with a different face right at the end of your consoles life! Most people will be far too stupid to realise, and will buy it thinking it’s the next gen version! Another financial success!
I expect to be called an idiot and for this to be called crap. Mainly because it is, but no more than the other one.
Don’t bother making any of your own games (well, maybe just a few), rely totally on 3rd party developers to push your console for you! And don’t forget to pay developers for exclusive rights!
2. Conform!
Conform to the expected social standards of society! Don’t try anything new or different, that will only confuse the half-wits who buy your console! Keep it a simple shape, in plain black. That’s cool don’t you know, and after all; it’s being cool that will sell your console, not your sub standard games! Make sure all the games revolve around shooting things with big guns, that’s what’s ‘cool’!
3. Have killer hype!
You don’t need truly great games, just pile on the hype! Your customers are too stupid to think for themselves, they’ll buy what you tell them to buy; it doesn’t matter if it’s a complete load of overrated crap! You can be sure your brain dead fans will spread the ‘X gam iz da best eva!’ message throughout the world.
4. Keep it familiar!
Remember, words like ‘innovative’ and ‘original’ are words you want to avoid! Make the design something familiar, household objects like a toaster or digital alarm clock are good designs to base yours on! Though it would be wise to add labels informing owners not to insert any bread into the disc drive.
5. Smother them!
Advertise on *everything*! It doesn’t matter that your adverts are terrible and make no sense! Just watch out with the slogans, ‘The Third Place’ may confuse the majority of your potential customers into thinking it has something to do with space or time, or maybe even big numbers!
6. It’s quantity that counts!
So you only have a handful of decent games, not a problem! Simply release 500 rubbish games alongside them, people will be so spoilt for sub rate choice, they’re sure to come flocking to buy your console!
7. Steal all your ideas!
Don’t worry about having to engage the old grey matter, your competitors will do it for you! So you’re entering the 3D realm, control is a bit iffy, but don’t fret! Sooner or later Nintendo will come along and add an analogue stick (as already seen many years before) to make 3D games’ controls precise and responsive! Then you can simply slap two on your own pad, and it will be miles better!
There’s plenty to look forward too as well, it won’t be long before you can swipe the rumble pak idea too! Oh and don’t forget four player games! Although you probably don’t want to bother with that, just make them pay for a multi-tap instead.
8. Quality? Pffftttt
Don’t worry about making your console out of decent materials, some second rate bodging should do the job nicely. After all, when it breaks your blind zealot fans will simply rush out to buy another of your over priced contraptions! And forget about how the disc drive breaks if you use it standing on it’s side, it’s irrelevant!
9. Don’t forget the rehash!
Don’t forget to rework your original design, and release exactly the same console with a different face right at the end of your consoles life! Most people will be far too stupid to realise, and will buy it thinking it’s the next gen version! Another financial success!
I expect to be called an idiot and for this to be called crap. Mainly because it is, but no more than the other one.
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El Blokey wrote:
> So MGS2, PES2 and GTA:VC aren't great games, just stupid hyped once?
---
PES2 yes, but the other two, not really that good.
MGS2 might've been good if they hadn't revealed the whole plot in the demos, and GTA: VC sold so well due to sheep syndrome. Some stupid planks buying it because "itz got bigg gunz and carz and my m8 finks itz brilant" - I find it repetitive, boring, and just not really a game I can sit and play.
> So MGS2, PES2 and GTA:VC aren't great games, just stupid hyped once?
---
PES2 yes, but the other two, not really that good.
MGS2 might've been good if they hadn't revealed the whole plot in the demos, and GTA: VC sold so well due to sheep syndrome. Some stupid planks buying it because "itz got bigg gunz and carz and my m8 finks itz brilant" - I find it repetitive, boring, and just not really a game I can sit and play.
The PS2 owns, 'nuff said.
*eyes up Zone Of The Enders 2, and drools*
*eyes up Zone Of The Enders 2, and drools*
PS2 is actually a boring, multimedia device with repititive and un-original games.
And that's coming from someone who owns one. :-D
And that's coming from someone who owns one. :-D
Updated, you're wrong. The PS2 has a crap design.
I like it
El Blokey doesn't
:-D
El Blokey doesn't
:-D
AfroJoe wrote:
> PS2 is actually a boring, multimedia device with repititive and
> un-original games.
>
> And that's coming from someone who owns one. :-D
*yawns*
*hugs PS2*
> PS2 is actually a boring, multimedia device with repititive and
> un-original games.
>
> And that's coming from someone who owns one. :-D
*yawns*
*hugs PS2*
Seriously not one game I have ever played on PS2 has been worth buying.
I can't see why you find them so appealing.
Ah well.
I can't see why you find them so appealing.
Ah well.
Syphonical wrote:
> Strange, nintendo have only ever re-released a console under a new
> design (the gameboy advance sp, and even that has extras)
> where as sony have released the ps1 and the psx
Wait, so you're saying 'no that's stupid, as Nintendo has only done the GBA/GBASP whereas Sony has the PSX and PS1'...which are both the same thing.
And GTA sells because it IS a great game. Maybe not as amazing as some magazines make out, but still great.
> Strange, nintendo have only ever re-released a console under a new
> design (the gameboy advance sp, and even that has extras)
> where as sony have released the ps1 and the psx
Wait, so you're saying 'no that's stupid, as Nintendo has only done the GBA/GBASP whereas Sony has the PSX and PS1'...which are both the same thing.
And GTA sells because it IS a great game. Maybe not as amazing as some magazines make out, but still great.
Fanboys, fanboys...
Wasn't the Getaway an overrated pile of crap though?
That's what I heard, and GTA is getting boring now...
Wasn't the Getaway an overrated pile of crap though?
That's what I heard, and GTA is getting boring now...
It wasn't overrated. It was above average, but slated because everyone got so hyped for it. And it was quite an original concept.
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