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Okay, I'll put it in the second post as it's too long to have to scroll down every time. This one took me a very long time, and I hope it was worth it.
I would really appreciate it if you did just read it. I don't care how long it takes-whether you read it on the day it was posted, or whether you finally manage to finish it a month after it's posted, I don't mind. If you could just reply to it with some feedback, perhaps what you liked about the story and what you didn't, then I'd really appreciate it.
Finally, I hope you enjoy it. Those of you who have read my previous ones will know I'm based towards more of a comedy, or sci-fi type of story. This one is much more serious, and I'm not sure if it will work or not. I hope it does.
Once again I thank everyone on these forums for letting me post my stories on here, and I thank everyone who reads them, as you've taken some time out of your life to do it.
Please don't reply to this until I've posted the actual story. Thanks, Ant.
I would really appreciate it if you did just read it. I don't care how long it takes-whether you read it on the day it was posted, or whether you finally manage to finish it a month after it's posted, I don't mind. If you could just reply to it with some feedback, perhaps what you liked about the story and what you didn't, then I'd really appreciate it.
Finally, I hope you enjoy it. Those of you who have read my previous ones will know I'm based towards more of a comedy, or sci-fi type of story. This one is much more serious, and I'm not sure if it will work or not. I hope it does.
Once again I thank everyone on these forums for letting me post my stories on here, and I thank everyone who reads them, as you've taken some time out of your life to do it.
Please don't reply to this until I've posted the actual story. Thanks, Ant.
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Ant wrote:
> Twain wrote:
> > He quickly sat up, rubbed his sleep-filled eyes, and
>
> squinted
> through the darkness to see who was opening his
> cell
>hahahahaha! lol!
Erm...can I ask, what was funny about that?
* ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** *v
It wasn't funny, its just hes too damn lazy to read anymore so he just made a pathetic attempt at saying he'd read it by laughing. I could be completely wrong though :-D
> Twain wrote:
> > He quickly sat up, rubbed his sleep-filled eyes, and
>
> squinted
> through the darkness to see who was opening his
> cell
>hahahahaha! lol!
Erm...can I ask, what was funny about that?
* ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** *v
It wasn't funny, its just hes too damn lazy to read anymore so he just made a pathetic attempt at saying he'd read it by laughing. I could be completely wrong though :-D
I don't have weapons...I don't know what you're thinking of. Look at him repressing my right to have weapons ;-)
Cracking story Ant. Reaffirms my belief that none of us can hold a candle to your stories with our puny attempts.
Cracking story Ant. Reaffirms my belief that none of us can hold a candle to your stories with our puny attempts.
Twain wrote:
> > He quickly sat up, rubbed his sleep-filled eyes, and
> squinted
> through the darkness to see who was opening his cell
>hahahahaha! lol!
Erm...can I ask, what was funny about that?
> > He quickly sat up, rubbed his sleep-filled eyes, and
> squinted
> through the darkness to see who was opening his cell
>hahahahaha! lol!
Erm...can I ask, what was funny about that?
That was great! I was ruthless, in your face, deceptively dangerous. I enjoyed it.
Your Honour wrote:
> Also, another one I've just thought of:
You kept listing the names whenever
> the rebels did anything. I know you wanted to mention as many people from the
> forums as possible, and that's cool. But I just seemed to keep reading the same
> names over and over.
>It happened with the guards as well.
Yeah, I guess that's just a problem with the forums. I might write one with much less people in it some point.
But apart from
> that, it was good, well done!
Thank you. :)
> Also, another one I've just thought of:
You kept listing the names whenever
> the rebels did anything. I know you wanted to mention as many people from the
> forums as possible, and that's cool. But I just seemed to keep reading the same
> names over and over.
>It happened with the guards as well.
Yeah, I guess that's just a problem with the forums. I might write one with much less people in it some point.
But apart from
> that, it was good, well done!
Thank you. :)
Your Honour wrote:
> Ant, that was good, well done!
Just a couple of minor pointers, if I
> may?
1st. It seemed strange reading stuff that was in brackets. In my view,
> it didn;t need to be in brackets, just write whatever it is as normal.
I'll take that into account, thanks.
2nd.
> There seemed to be some handy coincidences. When they fire the sleeping rocket
> into the Science Dept. for example. A wind sprang up to disperse the gas before
> the rebels got there. It just seemed a little kind of "Oh, that's
> handy."
>If you see what I mean?
I completely agree. It's what I had most trouble with, and as I've said, there are flaws. If I wanted, I could improve it, and get rid of the many, "Oh, that's handy," situations. But, I'd already spent a long time on it, and it was a bit too long as it was. :) But thanks for the advice, I'll work on them in the future. And thanks for the other comments too. :)
> Ant, that was good, well done!
Just a couple of minor pointers, if I
> may?
1st. It seemed strange reading stuff that was in brackets. In my view,
> it didn;t need to be in brackets, just write whatever it is as normal.
I'll take that into account, thanks.
2nd.
> There seemed to be some handy coincidences. When they fire the sleeping rocket
> into the Science Dept. for example. A wind sprang up to disperse the gas before
> the rebels got there. It just seemed a little kind of "Oh, that's
> handy."
>If you see what I mean?
I completely agree. It's what I had most trouble with, and as I've said, there are flaws. If I wanted, I could improve it, and get rid of the many, "Oh, that's handy," situations. But, I'd already spent a long time on it, and it was a bit too long as it was. :) But thanks for the advice, I'll work on them in the future. And thanks for the other comments too. :)
Very good Ant.
Also, another one I've just thought of:
You kept listing the names whenever the rebels did anything. I know you wanted to mention as many people from the forums as possible, and that's cool. But I just seemed to keep reading the same names over and over.
It happened with the guards as well.
But apart from that, it was good, well done!
You kept listing the names whenever the rebels did anything. I know you wanted to mention as many people from the forums as possible, and that's cool. But I just seemed to keep reading the same names over and over.
It happened with the guards as well.
But apart from that, it was good, well done!
Ant, that was good, well done!
Just a couple of minor pointers, if I may?
1st. It seemed strange reading stuff that was in brackets. In my view, it didn;t need to be in brackets, just write whatever it is as normal.
2nd. There seemed to be some handy coincidences. When they fire the sleeping rocket into the Science Dept. for example. A wind sprang up to disperse the gas before the rebels got there. It just seemed a little kind of "Oh, that's handy."
If you see what I mean?
Apart from that, it was really good.
Just a couple of minor pointers, if I may?
1st. It seemed strange reading stuff that was in brackets. In my view, it didn;t need to be in brackets, just write whatever it is as normal.
2nd. There seemed to be some handy coincidences. When they fire the sleeping rocket into the Science Dept. for example. A wind sprang up to disperse the gas before the rebels got there. It just seemed a little kind of "Oh, that's handy."
If you see what I mean?
Apart from that, it was really good.
This is going to take a while to read.
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