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"The 10-step guide to making a Hollywood blockbuster"

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Sun 14/10/01 at 16:46
Regular
Posts: 787
The 10-step guide to making a Hollywood blockbuster:

Step 1: Take an interesting fact. This will be the basis for your plotline. Interesting facts include ìMeteors destroy planetsî and ìUnder water the pressure is enough to liquefy your skeletonî.

Step 2: Sketch out the plot line. The plot must be in the format: ìHero makes daring escape in first 10 mins, audience finds out about interesting fact, emphasize fact, hero finds love interest, something threatens heroís/worldís life, hero goes off to save the world/himself, the final 20 mins must be based around the interesting fact in a cliff-hangerî.

Step 3: Get actors. Current favourites are Robert De Niro, Bruce Willis, John Travolta, Haley Joe Osmond (Well, the freaky kid from the 6th Sense, whatever heís called), and assorted chicks. Make sure your actor is suitable. For gangster flicks, De Niro, action flicks, Willis, etc.

Step 4: Film it. It doesnít matter how much you film/donít film. For a 100 min film, 50 minutes of actual footage is fine. The rest you can fill up with special effects. Following the script is optional.

Step 5: Add the special effects. This is the most important stage, as the only reason people will see your film is to see the specials and swoon over the lead actor. Whatever you do, donít spend less than $20billion on the effects, otherwise people will not come. Spending more on your film than any other ever is always a good idea. Your film must include an explosion somewhere, the bigger the better. Try and blow up a building if you can, somewhere famous. However, you must always be sensitive to current political and world events.

Step 6: Sound. Sound is easy, just use lots of bass and whooshing sounds. Audiences like to feel sound. Try and get a nice deep bass somewhere, it doesnít matter if itís unrealistic. You also have to score some background music, so hire someone professional. A movie soundtrack is also good, like Oxide and Neutrino for Tomb Raider.

Step 7: Advertising. Plaster your film everywhere, and I mean EVERYWHERE. Send your Gran out on the streets with a billboard round her neck if you have to, because your film wonít do very well if no one knows about it.

Step 8: Screw the critics. You know the filmís bad, they know the filmís bad and you both know the other knows. Just ignore them, people will go and see your film regardless.

Step 9: The opening night. You need to get the lead actors and a few huge celebrities to turn up for the premier in at least New York and London. People will come to see the celebs, and hopefully will stay for the film as well.

Step 10: Crack open a bottle of bubbly, sit back and wait for the money to come rolling in. Then, get to work on your next blockbuster. Repeat ad infinitum until you own all the money in the world! Hurrah!
Tue 16/10/01 at 21:31
Regular
Posts: 16,548
Blatant FAD attempts? Where? Where?

*hids Galatic Wars topic*

Ahem.

But well done Turbo. Its been ages since I won. Its the curse of being I regular. I won once as a regular, and three times as a newbie. I'm becoming disillusioned with SR... ;-) Of course not!
Tue 16/10/01 at 21:28
Regular
"Rong Xion Tong"
Posts: 5,237
I knew I smelt a FAD coming on here......and it stank....

No, well done Turbo.

That's 2 FADs in a week. Slow down boy. You're making the rest of us look bad.

Hmmm...I havn't won in ages......so look out for a blatant FAD atempt from me somewhere in the VERY near future. You never know, it may already be posted.

*Outer Limits music starts to play*

:-)
Sun 14/10/01 at 17:07
Regular
"Rong Xion Tong"
Posts: 5,237
Here's a one step easy guide to making a 'successful' hollywood blockbuster:

1) Hire me

:-)
Sun 14/10/01 at 16:46
Regular
"Eff, you see, kay?"
Posts: 14,156
The 10-step guide to making a Hollywood blockbuster:

Step 1: Take an interesting fact. This will be the basis for your plotline. Interesting facts include ìMeteors destroy planetsî and ìUnder water the pressure is enough to liquefy your skeletonî.

Step 2: Sketch out the plot line. The plot must be in the format: ìHero makes daring escape in first 10 mins, audience finds out about interesting fact, emphasize fact, hero finds love interest, something threatens heroís/worldís life, hero goes off to save the world/himself, the final 20 mins must be based around the interesting fact in a cliff-hangerî.

Step 3: Get actors. Current favourites are Robert De Niro, Bruce Willis, John Travolta, Haley Joe Osmond (Well, the freaky kid from the 6th Sense, whatever heís called), and assorted chicks. Make sure your actor is suitable. For gangster flicks, De Niro, action flicks, Willis, etc.

Step 4: Film it. It doesnít matter how much you film/donít film. For a 100 min film, 50 minutes of actual footage is fine. The rest you can fill up with special effects. Following the script is optional.

Step 5: Add the special effects. This is the most important stage, as the only reason people will see your film is to see the specials and swoon over the lead actor. Whatever you do, donít spend less than $20billion on the effects, otherwise people will not come. Spending more on your film than any other ever is always a good idea. Your film must include an explosion somewhere, the bigger the better. Try and blow up a building if you can, somewhere famous. However, you must always be sensitive to current political and world events.

Step 6: Sound. Sound is easy, just use lots of bass and whooshing sounds. Audiences like to feel sound. Try and get a nice deep bass somewhere, it doesnít matter if itís unrealistic. You also have to score some background music, so hire someone professional. A movie soundtrack is also good, like Oxide and Neutrino for Tomb Raider.

Step 7: Advertising. Plaster your film everywhere, and I mean EVERYWHERE. Send your Gran out on the streets with a billboard round her neck if you have to, because your film wonít do very well if no one knows about it.

Step 8: Screw the critics. You know the filmís bad, they know the filmís bad and you both know the other knows. Just ignore them, people will go and see your film regardless.

Step 9: The opening night. You need to get the lead actors and a few huge celebrities to turn up for the premier in at least New York and London. People will come to see the celebs, and hopefully will stay for the film as well.

Step 10: Crack open a bottle of bubbly, sit back and wait for the money to come rolling in. Then, get to work on your next blockbuster. Repeat ad infinitum until you own all the money in the world! Hurrah!

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