The "Freeola Customer Forum" forum, which includes Retro Game Reviews, has been archived and is now read-only. You cannot post here or create a new thread or review on this forum.
The 10-step guide to making a Hollywood blockbuster:
Step 1: Take an interesting fact. This will be the basis for your plotline. Interesting facts include ìMeteors destroy planetsî and ìUnder water the pressure is enough to liquefy your skeletonî.
Step 2: Sketch out the plot line. The plot must be in the format: ìHero makes daring escape in first 10 mins, audience finds out about interesting fact, emphasize fact, hero finds love interest, something threatens heroís/worldís life, hero goes off to save the world/himself, the final 20 mins must be based around the interesting fact in a cliff-hangerî.
Step 3: Get actors. Current favourites are Robert De Niro, Bruce Willis, John Travolta, Haley Joe Osmond (Well, the freaky kid from the 6th Sense, whatever heís called), and assorted chicks. Make sure your actor is suitable. For gangster flicks, De Niro, action flicks, Willis, etc.
Step 4: Film it. It doesnít matter how much you film/donít film. For a 100 min film, 50 minutes of actual footage is fine. The rest you can fill up with special effects. Following the script is optional.
Step 5: Add the special effects. This is the most important stage, as the only reason people will see your film is to see the specials and swoon over the lead actor. Whatever you do, donít spend less than $20billion on the effects, otherwise people will not come. Spending more on your film than any other ever is always a good idea. Your film must include an explosion somewhere, the bigger the better. Try and blow up a building if you can, somewhere famous. However, you must always be sensitive to current political and world events.
Step 6: Sound. Sound is easy, just use lots of bass and whooshing sounds. Audiences like to feel sound. Try and get a nice deep bass somewhere, it doesnít matter if itís unrealistic. You also have to score some background music, so hire someone professional. A movie soundtrack is also good, like Oxide and Neutrino for Tomb Raider.
Step 7: Advertising. Plaster your film everywhere, and I mean EVERYWHERE. Send your Gran out on the streets with a billboard round her neck if you have to, because your film wonít do very well if no one knows about it.
Step 8: Screw the critics. You know the filmís bad, they know the filmís bad and you both know the other knows. Just ignore them, people will go and see your film regardless.
Step 9: The opening night. You need to get the lead actors and a few huge celebrities to turn up for the premier in at least New York and London. People will come to see the celebs, and hopefully will stay for the film as well.
Step 10: Crack open a bottle of bubbly, sit back and wait for the money to come rolling in. Then, get to work on your next blockbuster. Repeat ad infinitum until you own all the money in the world! Hurrah!
Step 1: Take an interesting fact. This will be the basis for your plotline. Interesting facts include ìMeteors destroy planetsî and ìUnder water the pressure is enough to liquefy your skeletonî.
Step 2: Sketch out the plot line. The plot must be in the format: ìHero makes daring escape in first 10 mins, audience finds out about interesting fact, emphasize fact, hero finds love interest, something threatens heroís/worldís life, hero goes off to save the world/himself, the final 20 mins must be based around the interesting fact in a cliff-hangerî.
Step 3: Get actors. Current favourites are Robert De Niro, Bruce Willis, John Travolta, Haley Joe Osmond (Well, the freaky kid from the 6th Sense, whatever heís called), and assorted chicks. Make sure your actor is suitable. For gangster flicks, De Niro, action flicks, Willis, etc.
Step 4: Film it. It doesnít matter how much you film/donít film. For a 100 min film, 50 minutes of actual footage is fine. The rest you can fill up with special effects. Following the script is optional.
Step 5: Add the special effects. This is the most important stage, as the only reason people will see your film is to see the specials and swoon over the lead actor. Whatever you do, donít spend less than $20billion on the effects, otherwise people will not come. Spending more on your film than any other ever is always a good idea. Your film must include an explosion somewhere, the bigger the better. Try and blow up a building if you can, somewhere famous. However, you must always be sensitive to current political and world events.
Step 6: Sound. Sound is easy, just use lots of bass and whooshing sounds. Audiences like to feel sound. Try and get a nice deep bass somewhere, it doesnít matter if itís unrealistic. You also have to score some background music, so hire someone professional. A movie soundtrack is also good, like Oxide and Neutrino for Tomb Raider.
Step 7: Advertising. Plaster your film everywhere, and I mean EVERYWHERE. Send your Gran out on the streets with a billboard round her neck if you have to, because your film wonít do very well if no one knows about it.
Step 8: Screw the critics. You know the filmís bad, they know the filmís bad and you both know the other knows. Just ignore them, people will go and see your film regardless.
Step 9: The opening night. You need to get the lead actors and a few huge celebrities to turn up for the premier in at least New York and London. People will come to see the celebs, and hopefully will stay for the film as well.
Step 10: Crack open a bottle of bubbly, sit back and wait for the money to come rolling in. Then, get to work on your next blockbuster. Repeat ad infinitum until you own all the money in the world! Hurrah!
Page:
I shall do that The_Vottenator. The name's Gaz, btw.
Well said Stryke. Here, have a pair of my nunchuks and we can finish him off.
I did understand it, yes. But if I were to tell you that you were an idiot who can't spell or speak properly then would you understand it? I think you would but it wouldn't really make it true. Or maybe it would...
Spec Ed - You obviously haven't a clue about films. If you don't like a film, you give proper evidence. Your post? A piece of slop if ever I saw one. If anyone needs evidence for the 'no quality is coming to the forums', here it is. You idiot. People who pretend to know about films when they don't really annoy me. Heat is a masterpiece. Two of the finest actors of Hollywood together, in a film with a sharp plot and inspired casting? A great result, and De Niro and Pacino shine. Jon Voight has a brilliant cameo, and this is undoubtably Val Kilmer's finest film to date.
If you know about films and want to critise them, that's OK. But you? Shut up. You don't know, and you pretend to know.
If you know about films and want to critise them, that's OK. But you? Shut up. You don't know, and you pretend to know.
I'm about to lose my temper. Just look at the tagline and don't mess.
Oh and by the way, "most worstest" doesn't make sense.
:-)
Oh and by the way, "most worstest" doesn't make sense.
:-)
Heat is g'a't to be one of the most worstest films ever made. with Al Pacino gloriously over acting and michael man doing a 'frank oz' and flaccidly pointing the camera anywhere and everywhere in hope of catching a glimpse of any of the two great actors shades of their former selves, it's an overblown waste of cash which could have been turned into something very special with all the acting talent on hand, just get rid of man, replace him with someone like David Fincher, then maybe there may have been a movie there, but alas, it is a sloppy piece of slop.
Don't ever forget about Heat, Turbo. It's amazing.
:-)
:-)
Nah, don't bother. They haven't got it in stock, Jess tried to claim it. But go out and buy it anyway!
Pulp Fiction. Sorry Gaz, Dogma next time ;-)
Page: