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The 10-step guide to making a Hollywood blockbuster:
Step 1: Take an interesting fact. This will be the basis for your plotline. Interesting facts include ìMeteors destroy planetsî and ìUnder water the pressure is enough to liquefy your skeletonî.
Step 2: Sketch out the plot line. The plot must be in the format: ìHero makes daring escape in first 10 mins, audience finds out about interesting fact, emphasize fact, hero finds love interest, something threatens heroís/worldís life, hero goes off to save the world/himself, the final 20 mins must be based around the interesting fact in a cliff-hangerî.
Step 3: Get actors. Current favourites are Robert De Niro, Bruce Willis, John Travolta, Haley Joe Osmond (Well, the freaky kid from the 6th Sense, whatever heís called), and assorted chicks. Make sure your actor is suitable. For gangster flicks, De Niro, action flicks, Willis, etc.
Step 4: Film it. It doesnít matter how much you film/donít film. For a 100 min film, 50 minutes of actual footage is fine. The rest you can fill up with special effects. Following the script is optional.
Step 5: Add the special effects. This is the most important stage, as the only reason people will see your film is to see the specials and swoon over the lead actor. Whatever you do, donít spend less than $20billion on the effects, otherwise people will not come. Spending more on your film than any other ever is always a good idea. Your film must include an explosion somewhere, the bigger the better. Try and blow up a building if you can, somewhere famous. However, you must always be sensitive to current political and world events.
Step 6: Sound. Sound is easy, just use lots of bass and whooshing sounds. Audiences like to feel sound. Try and get a nice deep bass somewhere, it doesnít matter if itís unrealistic. You also have to score some background music, so hire someone professional. A movie soundtrack is also good, like Oxide and Neutrino for Tomb Raider.
Step 7: Advertising. Plaster your film everywhere, and I mean EVERYWHERE. Send your Gran out on the streets with a billboard round her neck if you have to, because your film wonít do very well if no one knows about it.
Step 8: Screw the critics. You know the filmís bad, they know the filmís bad and you both know the other knows. Just ignore them, people will go and see your film regardless.
Step 9: The opening night. You need to get the lead actors and a few huge celebrities to turn up for the premier in at least New York and London. People will come to see the celebs, and hopefully will stay for the film as well.
Step 10: Crack open a bottle of bubbly, sit back and wait for the money to come rolling in. Then, get to work on your next blockbuster. Repeat ad infinitum until you own all the money in the world! Hurrah!
Step 1: Take an interesting fact. This will be the basis for your plotline. Interesting facts include ìMeteors destroy planetsî and ìUnder water the pressure is enough to liquefy your skeletonî.
Step 2: Sketch out the plot line. The plot must be in the format: ìHero makes daring escape in first 10 mins, audience finds out about interesting fact, emphasize fact, hero finds love interest, something threatens heroís/worldís life, hero goes off to save the world/himself, the final 20 mins must be based around the interesting fact in a cliff-hangerî.
Step 3: Get actors. Current favourites are Robert De Niro, Bruce Willis, John Travolta, Haley Joe Osmond (Well, the freaky kid from the 6th Sense, whatever heís called), and assorted chicks. Make sure your actor is suitable. For gangster flicks, De Niro, action flicks, Willis, etc.
Step 4: Film it. It doesnít matter how much you film/donít film. For a 100 min film, 50 minutes of actual footage is fine. The rest you can fill up with special effects. Following the script is optional.
Step 5: Add the special effects. This is the most important stage, as the only reason people will see your film is to see the specials and swoon over the lead actor. Whatever you do, donít spend less than $20billion on the effects, otherwise people will not come. Spending more on your film than any other ever is always a good idea. Your film must include an explosion somewhere, the bigger the better. Try and blow up a building if you can, somewhere famous. However, you must always be sensitive to current political and world events.
Step 6: Sound. Sound is easy, just use lots of bass and whooshing sounds. Audiences like to feel sound. Try and get a nice deep bass somewhere, it doesnít matter if itís unrealistic. You also have to score some background music, so hire someone professional. A movie soundtrack is also good, like Oxide and Neutrino for Tomb Raider.
Step 7: Advertising. Plaster your film everywhere, and I mean EVERYWHERE. Send your Gran out on the streets with a billboard round her neck if you have to, because your film wonít do very well if no one knows about it.
Step 8: Screw the critics. You know the filmís bad, they know the filmís bad and you both know the other knows. Just ignore them, people will go and see your film regardless.
Step 9: The opening night. You need to get the lead actors and a few huge celebrities to turn up for the premier in at least New York and London. People will come to see the celebs, and hopefully will stay for the film as well.
Step 10: Crack open a bottle of bubbly, sit back and wait for the money to come rolling in. Then, get to work on your next blockbuster. Repeat ad infinitum until you own all the money in the world! Hurrah!
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Special Edition wrote:
> Well then, boy, dont go on about education and knowledge when your, dribbling,
> snotting and lying around watching crap. go on watch it, im not complaining,
> just dont go round saying its the greatest film ever when you've barely seen any
> movies yourself. maybe its YOUR best, but not the best. That argument is for a
> larger discussoin, with people who have seen a few more films then yourself.
>
thank you and goodnight.
Who is this guy? How does he possibly know how many movies you've seen?
Thank you and goodnight? You sound like you actually believe you've proved a point.
> Well then, boy, dont go on about education and knowledge when your, dribbling,
> snotting and lying around watching crap. go on watch it, im not complaining,
> just dont go round saying its the greatest film ever when you've barely seen any
> movies yourself. maybe its YOUR best, but not the best. That argument is for a
> larger discussoin, with people who have seen a few more films then yourself.
>
thank you and goodnight.
Who is this guy? How does he possibly know how many movies you've seen?
Thank you and goodnight? You sound like you actually believe you've proved a point.
Wow, you go to bed at 8:09pm? Now I know why you have no taste in films, you're too young to have seen all the good ones.
You carry on believing that, then. I'm a huge film fan. I've seen hundreads of movies. But you obviously, are one of those people who think their opinion is the only one that matters. You think you've proved something tonight? All you've proven is that other people's views mean nothing to you. Don't go acting like that to people who'll really take offense.
Oh, and I didn't say it was the greatest film ever, you completely ignorant person. Don't you read the last post?
Oh, and I didn't say it was the greatest film ever, you completely ignorant person. Don't you read the last post?
Well then, boy, dont go on about education and knowledge when your, dribbling, snotting and lying around watching crap. go on watch it, im not complaining, just dont go round saying its the greatest film ever when you've barely seen any movies yourself. maybe its YOUR best, but not the best. That argument is for a larger discussoin, with people who have seen a few more films then yourself.
thank you and goodnight.
thank you and goodnight.
You complete cretin. Did I say they were the best films ever? Did I even suggest you watch them? No. But I like them. Are you deliberately angling for an arguement? yes, you are, aren't you? For the fun of it, you'll be the annoying little stereotypical JAT. Look, if you want my favourite films, here are a few:
Dogma, Heat, Star Wars, Fight Club, Dragonheart, Godfather Part I.
Now, I'm not suggesting they are the best films ever, They're just what I like. See the subtle difference?
Git.
Dogma, Heat, Star Wars, Fight Club, Dragonheart, Godfather Part I.
Now, I'm not suggesting they are the best films ever, They're just what I like. See the subtle difference?
Git.
Alien, Star Wars, Italian Job!!! oh my! what a variety! you really are a buff!! congratulatoins, really reaching back through film history to pick out three really amazing movies which revolutionised how we look at films and the impact they ahve one us, you really are profound Alien, Star Wars, Italian Job, the 3 best flims ever! you are the man! i think i'll take your advice. thanks man!
Spec Ed - You are obviously uneducated on films. I didn't say Heat was one of the best films ever - but it is. You cannot appreciate good films. As for the made before 1990 comment? What? I love films like Alien, Star Wars, Italian Job. You have to see the point. There are a veritable host of good films. Only a few films are elvated, in my book, to amazing. Heat is one of them. If you don't think that, fine. But don't pretend you have a CLUE about films. I think I know about films, but I accept the fact that my knowledge pales in comparision to some people.
My Conclusion : Shut up and go away, you yokel.
My Conclusion : Shut up and go away, you yokel.
Hey, did I ever say Gladiator was the best film ever? No, I didn't. Let's hear what your favourite film is then.
oh my! you two little fellas really got me there. im not sure what i should do.
'Heat' is a mess, if you think it is undoubtably the best film ever then you obviously are nothing, or maybe you believe films only started being made in 1990.
please, you people really have no idea what your speaking about, you have seen 10 films, and when the only opposition to 'heat' is 'gladiator', 'american pie 59', 'the matrix' and 'Freddie got fingered' i wouldnt be suprised that its your favourite. but maybe try to broaden you horizon and look beyond the generated pap that you gobble up so willingly. but please i must apologise for offending your watered down personality, and hope you survive for another viewing of 'sheet'
'Heat' is a mess, if you think it is undoubtably the best film ever then you obviously are nothing, or maybe you believe films only started being made in 1990.
please, you people really have no idea what your speaking about, you have seen 10 films, and when the only opposition to 'heat' is 'gladiator', 'american pie 59', 'the matrix' and 'Freddie got fingered' i wouldnt be suprised that its your favourite. but maybe try to broaden you horizon and look beyond the generated pap that you gobble up so willingly. but please i must apologise for offending your watered down personality, and hope you survive for another viewing of 'sheet'
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