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Will follow in a bit.
Being off ill means I have dragged myself to the keyboad and I'm tapping it out as I double over in pain.
Or something.
Check back around lunchtime for the further adventures of
Log In The Creek
Being off ill means I have dragged myself to the keyboad and I'm tapping it out as I double over in pain.
Or something.
Check back around lunchtime for the further adventures of
Log In The Creek
Page:
Peter Duncan rules, as does this story. We're gonna be millionaires (the idea is copywrighted under my name, I came up with the name Log Woodson and I am his father)
I am pleased. All is good that I survey.
Nice one, especially the Peter Duncan reference. I feel a cameo coming on.....
Nice one, especially the Peter Duncan reference. I feel a cameo coming on.....
Top stuff, great entertainment.
A little lacking in Log action though. And standing, shirt unbuttoned, with the wind blowing at it, and through his hair, with the sun setting over his shoulder...
A little lacking in Log action though. And standing, shirt unbuttoned, with the wind blowing at it, and through his hair, with the sun setting over his shoulder...
LOG IN THE CREEK – EPISODE 2
“Green-Piece”
Log is in his cabin, as the sun sets majestically over the mountain range. He is lost in thought as he studies Leaf’s watch, turning it over and over whilst Leaf’s voice plays in his head, explaining previous encounters in an attempt to add depth to his character without resorting to cheesy flashback-tricks.
Bear is out tending his cabin, topless and chopping stuff whilst laughing really, really loudly and entertaining the rows of critters that sit on a log and watch him, with spontaneous clapping by Smokey.
A Van Morrison track plays, because a Van Morrison is always played for light comedy.
Bear notices the tune and looks around fearfully, and sure enough…for no reason we cut to a montage of Julia Roberts trying on dresses whilst a store-assistant and/or gay compatriot shake’s his head at dubious dresses, but applauds at the nice ones.
The tune fades and Bear shakes this nasty image from his mind, getting back to manly wood activities.
The A-Team are settled in for the night, Murdoch still doing hilarious post-traumatic stress comedy with no dubious moral leanings towards laughing at insane war veterans.
BA leans over and slaps the pine-cones away muttering “Crazy fool” whilst Face-Man smarms his way through his scenes, hunting for various disguises that strangely never alter his face, just his clothes.
Because Dirk Benedict in an army uniform looks nothing like Dirk Benedict in a tuxedo.
Blane, Red and Chains are in their dormitory, preparing to sleep.
Blane is snoring lightly, whilst Red and Chains argue quietly in the corner.
“Look, I was The Daddy of action entertainment in the late-eighties early nineties” sneers Red, “Check out Flash Gordon for my awesome portrayal of an ironic iconic action hero long before McBain…er…Schwarcheneger ever considered it”
Chains tries to argue but can’t, because he never made any impression on cinema, so Chains attempts another approach:
“Ok Sam Jones, I mean Red, you may have had one hit in the cinema, but I rule light-entertainment on the tv. Punk.”
Red laughs “How so? I was in Highwayman. That thing with the truck that nobody remembers”
Chains smiles, “Big deal. I had that car that spoke and leapt about everywhere.”
“Big deal, so you needed a car to rescue you each episode. Says a lot for your action-hero skills Chains.”
“Yeah but..shut up”
“Street-Hawk did what you did, and looked a lot cooler. I mean Gabriel, the dude with an eye-patch, what was that about?”
“Shut it Red, Flash Gordon does not an action hero make”
“Does too.”
“Does not, besides I was totally hot in Baywatch. And that was the most watched programme on earth.”
“So are The Teletubbies. A middle-aged man rescuing kids from caves is not good television. They watched it for the baps”
Chains cannot argue this point and turns over in a huff, refusing to enter the fight.
Red gets one last shot in, “You sang the theme tune to Baywatch. You are popular in Germany only as a vocalist. I had a major rock-group to provide the soundtrack to my movie..hah!”
Chains refuses to turn over “Shut up”
Red softly sings “Flash..ahhhh..save every one of us”
Chains gets up, pulls on a hat over his afro-curls and stomps outside in a mood. As he leaves, Red calls out “And Timothy Dalton and that bloke from Blue Peter were in my movie.”
All is quiet in the still and silent night as Chains sits on a log and wishes desperately for an ugly villain to beat up for being psycho and unattractive. Or two twins to lust after him, one mental and crying a lot underneath the pier.
Eartha comes to visit, concerned over the attack on Herb and hoping he’s ok.
Log stops his work and realises he forgot all about Herb.
“Damn, I was so involved with catching those trappers I forgot all about Herb. Boy, I hope he’s ok and not missing.”
They go to the morgue, conveniently in the visitor centre in case they ever needed a morgue.
Herb is missing.
“Damn” says Log.
Eartha remains at the morgue/visitor centre and reads through Herb’s notes that he left.
She is shocked at what he has written and puts her hand over her mouth, because this is dramatic and meaningful.
The A-Team come into the visitor centre, with Face-Man dressed as a park ranger.
“Hello, I’m a Park Ranger and I need some supplies or I’ll tell the government and you don’t want that.”
Earth looks at him “Why are you dressed like that Face-Man?”
“I’m not Face, I’m a Park Ranger, look at my uniform. Give me stuff”
“Go away please, I don’t have time for your amateur disguises”
Face is crushed and leaves.
Hannibal lights a cigar and smiles inanely at Eartha, “We’ll help fight the evil developers who are hassling you simple folk”
Eartha shoos him away and The A-Team leave dejectedly, with Murdoch still performing comedy routines, but now he thinks he’s a redneck policeman.
Bear and Red approach the morgue having landed the helicopter.
“Earth has some shocking news” says Log
“What? I pity da fool who..sorry, wrong show” says Blane, sitting in the corner.
“Well” begins Eartha, “Log didn’t drown after all. Turns out he was force-fed muesli and recycled toilet paper.”
Log is shocked “What? What kind of sick maniac would do such a thing?”
Eartha thinks for a moment, “Well, this sounds like the work of a rogue environmentalist organisation. The delicious irony of death in a nature-friendly way is both horrific and a commentary on the hypocrisy of most right-on people that protest the use of leather but condone child-labour by wearing gear from Nike!”
“Jesus” says Bear “Here she goes again”
The gang leave the morgue/visitor centre.
“A rogue environmental agency?” asks Bear, “Why would they do this?”
Cut to:
Rogue Environmental Agency Headquarters
The shadowy man from the 1st episode is sitting at his desk, the only light from the small desk-lamp.
He slams down the phone and growls into his intercom:
“Bring me our secret dossier on Leaf Greenerman that used to work for us until we killed him for reasons that will become apparent in later episodes”
Log and Bear go to Leaf’s cabin to look for clues.
On the walls are various posters for Police Academy, Cocoon, Short Circuit and 3 Men and a Screaming Pink Bag of Poo.
“What a waste” says Log, shaking his head sadly
“Yes, a tragic waste of life” sighs Bear, stroking his expansive facial hair.
“No, what a waste of a promising career. Leaf had it all and destroyed it with shoddy choices and an ego the size of Finland”
“Fair enough”
They leave his cabin, overwhelmed by the mediocre movie paraphernalia on display and elect to hunt through the woods some more.
Rogue Environmental Agency
The shadowy boss is looking at the secret dossier and chuckling in an evil tycoon manner.
“Foolish human, thought he could infiltrate my dodgy company that is a front for my super-villain plan..ooops, almost gave it away there. Well, he’s dead now and it’s time to move into phase 2 of my evil plans”
Red goes back to his cabin to rest after a fruitless search for clues of Leaf’s death.
As he enters, Chains leaps on him from above, mirroring the recent Planet of The Apes movie, screaming “General Thade is the alpha-male, I will carry on his work in a manner less confusing than the ending to that movie.”
Red and Chains fight, with Chains utilising crap simian attack methods, whilst Red wishes he was on a big rotating disc with pointy bits that stuck out occasionally.
They wrestle about, and Chains knocks Red out before charging off into the woods.
Log and Bear run up, made aware of the commotion by the critters.
“What happened?” asks Log
“It’s Chains” says Red, “He had a one-off man mental and attacked me”
“Why?”
“He feels inferior due to a rapidly declining career”
“Fair enough”
“But, I am concerned about his mental health. I fear Chains has…become Feral”
In the distant woods, we hear an angry scream of rage from a now wild and hairy Chains Keeley.
“Dammit” says Log, “Now we have to find Herb, uncover the truth about Leaf’s death and deal with a feral David Hasslehoff”
“That’s not all” says Bear
“What?”
“The A-Team have disappeared as well.”
“Green-Piece”
Log is in his cabin, as the sun sets majestically over the mountain range. He is lost in thought as he studies Leaf’s watch, turning it over and over whilst Leaf’s voice plays in his head, explaining previous encounters in an attempt to add depth to his character without resorting to cheesy flashback-tricks.
Bear is out tending his cabin, topless and chopping stuff whilst laughing really, really loudly and entertaining the rows of critters that sit on a log and watch him, with spontaneous clapping by Smokey.
A Van Morrison track plays, because a Van Morrison is always played for light comedy.
Bear notices the tune and looks around fearfully, and sure enough…for no reason we cut to a montage of Julia Roberts trying on dresses whilst a store-assistant and/or gay compatriot shake’s his head at dubious dresses, but applauds at the nice ones.
The tune fades and Bear shakes this nasty image from his mind, getting back to manly wood activities.
The A-Team are settled in for the night, Murdoch still doing hilarious post-traumatic stress comedy with no dubious moral leanings towards laughing at insane war veterans.
BA leans over and slaps the pine-cones away muttering “Crazy fool” whilst Face-Man smarms his way through his scenes, hunting for various disguises that strangely never alter his face, just his clothes.
Because Dirk Benedict in an army uniform looks nothing like Dirk Benedict in a tuxedo.
Blane, Red and Chains are in their dormitory, preparing to sleep.
Blane is snoring lightly, whilst Red and Chains argue quietly in the corner.
“Look, I was The Daddy of action entertainment in the late-eighties early nineties” sneers Red, “Check out Flash Gordon for my awesome portrayal of an ironic iconic action hero long before McBain…er…Schwarcheneger ever considered it”
Chains tries to argue but can’t, because he never made any impression on cinema, so Chains attempts another approach:
“Ok Sam Jones, I mean Red, you may have had one hit in the cinema, but I rule light-entertainment on the tv. Punk.”
Red laughs “How so? I was in Highwayman. That thing with the truck that nobody remembers”
Chains smiles, “Big deal. I had that car that spoke and leapt about everywhere.”
“Big deal, so you needed a car to rescue you each episode. Says a lot for your action-hero skills Chains.”
“Yeah but..shut up”
“Street-Hawk did what you did, and looked a lot cooler. I mean Gabriel, the dude with an eye-patch, what was that about?”
“Shut it Red, Flash Gordon does not an action hero make”
“Does too.”
“Does not, besides I was totally hot in Baywatch. And that was the most watched programme on earth.”
“So are The Teletubbies. A middle-aged man rescuing kids from caves is not good television. They watched it for the baps”
Chains cannot argue this point and turns over in a huff, refusing to enter the fight.
Red gets one last shot in, “You sang the theme tune to Baywatch. You are popular in Germany only as a vocalist. I had a major rock-group to provide the soundtrack to my movie..hah!”
Chains refuses to turn over “Shut up”
Red softly sings “Flash..ahhhh..save every one of us”
Chains gets up, pulls on a hat over his afro-curls and stomps outside in a mood. As he leaves, Red calls out “And Timothy Dalton and that bloke from Blue Peter were in my movie.”
All is quiet in the still and silent night as Chains sits on a log and wishes desperately for an ugly villain to beat up for being psycho and unattractive. Or two twins to lust after him, one mental and crying a lot underneath the pier.
Eartha comes to visit, concerned over the attack on Herb and hoping he’s ok.
Log stops his work and realises he forgot all about Herb.
“Damn, I was so involved with catching those trappers I forgot all about Herb. Boy, I hope he’s ok and not missing.”
They go to the morgue, conveniently in the visitor centre in case they ever needed a morgue.
Herb is missing.
“Damn” says Log.
Eartha remains at the morgue/visitor centre and reads through Herb’s notes that he left.
She is shocked at what he has written and puts her hand over her mouth, because this is dramatic and meaningful.
The A-Team come into the visitor centre, with Face-Man dressed as a park ranger.
“Hello, I’m a Park Ranger and I need some supplies or I’ll tell the government and you don’t want that.”
Earth looks at him “Why are you dressed like that Face-Man?”
“I’m not Face, I’m a Park Ranger, look at my uniform. Give me stuff”
“Go away please, I don’t have time for your amateur disguises”
Face is crushed and leaves.
Hannibal lights a cigar and smiles inanely at Eartha, “We’ll help fight the evil developers who are hassling you simple folk”
Eartha shoos him away and The A-Team leave dejectedly, with Murdoch still performing comedy routines, but now he thinks he’s a redneck policeman.
Bear and Red approach the morgue having landed the helicopter.
“Earth has some shocking news” says Log
“What? I pity da fool who..sorry, wrong show” says Blane, sitting in the corner.
“Well” begins Eartha, “Log didn’t drown after all. Turns out he was force-fed muesli and recycled toilet paper.”
Log is shocked “What? What kind of sick maniac would do such a thing?”
Eartha thinks for a moment, “Well, this sounds like the work of a rogue environmentalist organisation. The delicious irony of death in a nature-friendly way is both horrific and a commentary on the hypocrisy of most right-on people that protest the use of leather but condone child-labour by wearing gear from Nike!”
“Jesus” says Bear “Here she goes again”
The gang leave the morgue/visitor centre.
“A rogue environmental agency?” asks Bear, “Why would they do this?”
Cut to:
Rogue Environmental Agency Headquarters
The shadowy man from the 1st episode is sitting at his desk, the only light from the small desk-lamp.
He slams down the phone and growls into his intercom:
“Bring me our secret dossier on Leaf Greenerman that used to work for us until we killed him for reasons that will become apparent in later episodes”
Log and Bear go to Leaf’s cabin to look for clues.
On the walls are various posters for Police Academy, Cocoon, Short Circuit and 3 Men and a Screaming Pink Bag of Poo.
“What a waste” says Log, shaking his head sadly
“Yes, a tragic waste of life” sighs Bear, stroking his expansive facial hair.
“No, what a waste of a promising career. Leaf had it all and destroyed it with shoddy choices and an ego the size of Finland”
“Fair enough”
They leave his cabin, overwhelmed by the mediocre movie paraphernalia on display and elect to hunt through the woods some more.
Rogue Environmental Agency
The shadowy boss is looking at the secret dossier and chuckling in an evil tycoon manner.
“Foolish human, thought he could infiltrate my dodgy company that is a front for my super-villain plan..ooops, almost gave it away there. Well, he’s dead now and it’s time to move into phase 2 of my evil plans”
Red goes back to his cabin to rest after a fruitless search for clues of Leaf’s death.
As he enters, Chains leaps on him from above, mirroring the recent Planet of The Apes movie, screaming “General Thade is the alpha-male, I will carry on his work in a manner less confusing than the ending to that movie.”
Red and Chains fight, with Chains utilising crap simian attack methods, whilst Red wishes he was on a big rotating disc with pointy bits that stuck out occasionally.
They wrestle about, and Chains knocks Red out before charging off into the woods.
Log and Bear run up, made aware of the commotion by the critters.
“What happened?” asks Log
“It’s Chains” says Red, “He had a one-off man mental and attacked me”
“Why?”
“He feels inferior due to a rapidly declining career”
“Fair enough”
“But, I am concerned about his mental health. I fear Chains has…become Feral”
In the distant woods, we hear an angry scream of rage from a now wild and hairy Chains Keeley.
“Dammit” says Log, “Now we have to find Herb, uncover the truth about Leaf’s death and deal with a feral David Hasslehoff”
“That’s not all” says Bear
“What?”
“The A-Team have disappeared as well.”
There was a lady carrying a log around, haven't seen her recently though.
.hguoht eeffoc enif nmad ,spleh siht epoh
.hguoht eeffoc enif nmad ,spleh siht epoh
Excellent.
I was just wondering where my Log was.
I was just wondering where my Log was.
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