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To liven things up, here's a joke topic.
Write your jokes in here.
1st joke, just to kick you off:
"What do you call Microsoft?"
Write your jokes in here.
1st joke, just to kick you off:
"What do you call Microsoft?"
Page:
An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for
her first overnight trip. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the
flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay
overnight.
The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route,
he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at
the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her.
She answered the phone, crying, and said, "I can't get out of the room!"
"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked. "Why not?"
She replied, "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the
bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not
Disturb'!"
her first overnight trip. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the
flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay
overnight.
The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route,
he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at
the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her.
She answered the phone, crying, and said, "I can't get out of the room!"
"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked. "Why not?"
She replied, "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the
bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not
Disturb'!"
Dan2K1 wrote:
> To liven things up, here's a joke topic.
Write your jokes in
> here.
1st joke, just to kick you off:
"What do you call
> Microsoft?"
Too late for viagra
> To liven things up, here's a joke topic.
Write your jokes in
> here.
1st joke, just to kick you off:
"What do you call
> Microsoft?"
Too late for viagra
No, Wookiee's is best.
That was awful.
Meka, that was terrible!!
Still made me laugh though, worryingly.......
Still made me laugh though, worryingly.......
Okay this absolutely reeks of the old Ctrl-C Ctrl-V, ie NOT MY OWN WORK.
Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were
> swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called
> Christian.
>
> The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks
> that patrolled the area.
>
> Finally one day during a tropical storm, Justin said to
> Christian, “I’m bored and frustrated at being a prawn, I wish I was
> a shark, then I wouldn’t have any worries about being eaten”.
>
> As Justin had his mind firmly on becoming a predator, a flash of
> lightning hit the water and, lo and behold, Justin turned into a
> shark.
>
> Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by
> his old mate.
>
> Time went on (as it invariably does...) and Justin found himself
> becoming bored and lonely as a shark. All his old mates simply
> swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn’t realise that
> his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.
>
> During the next tropical storm, Justin figured that the same
> lightning force could change him back into a prawn. Lightning never
> strikes twice except in stories like these, but while he was
> thinking of being a prawn, a flash of lightning struck the water
> next to Justin and, lo and behold, he turned back into prawn.
>
> With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes, Justin swam back to his
> friends and bought them all a cocktail. (The punch line does not
> involve a prawn cocktail it’s much worse).
>
> Looking around the gathering at the reef, he searched for his old
> pal. “Where’s Christian?” he asked.
>
> “He’s at home, distraught that his best friend changed sides to the
> enemy and became a shark”, came the reply.
>
> Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture,
> he set off to Christian’s house. As he opened the coral gate,the
> memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and
> shouted, “It’s me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me
> again.”
>
> Christian replied, “No way, man, you’ll eat me. You’re a shark, the
> enemy, and I’ll not be tricked.”
>
> Justin cried back “ No I’m not. That was the old me. I’ve changed...”
> ..
> ..
> ..
> ..
> ..
> ..
>
> Wait for it!
> ..
> ..
> ..
> ..
> ..
> ..
> ..
> Wait for it!!
> ..
> ..
> ..
> ..
> ..
> ..
> ..
> ..
> ..
> “I’m a prawn again Christian”
Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were
> swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called
> Christian.
>
> The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks
> that patrolled the area.
>
> Finally one day during a tropical storm, Justin said to
> Christian, “I’m bored and frustrated at being a prawn, I wish I was
> a shark, then I wouldn’t have any worries about being eaten”.
>
> As Justin had his mind firmly on becoming a predator, a flash of
> lightning hit the water and, lo and behold, Justin turned into a
> shark.
>
> Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by
> his old mate.
>
> Time went on (as it invariably does...) and Justin found himself
> becoming bored and lonely as a shark. All his old mates simply
> swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn’t realise that
> his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.
>
> During the next tropical storm, Justin figured that the same
> lightning force could change him back into a prawn. Lightning never
> strikes twice except in stories like these, but while he was
> thinking of being a prawn, a flash of lightning struck the water
> next to Justin and, lo and behold, he turned back into prawn.
>
> With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes, Justin swam back to his
> friends and bought them all a cocktail. (The punch line does not
> involve a prawn cocktail it’s much worse).
>
> Looking around the gathering at the reef, he searched for his old
> pal. “Where’s Christian?” he asked.
>
> “He’s at home, distraught that his best friend changed sides to the
> enemy and became a shark”, came the reply.
>
> Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture,
> he set off to Christian’s house. As he opened the coral gate,the
> memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and
> shouted, “It’s me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me
> again.”
>
> Christian replied, “No way, man, you’ll eat me. You’re a shark, the
> enemy, and I’ll not be tricked.”
>
> Justin cried back “ No I’m not. That was the old me. I’ve changed...”
> ..
> ..
> ..
> ..
> ..
> ..
>
> Wait for it!
> ..
> ..
> ..
> ..
> ..
> ..
> ..
> Wait for it!!
> ..
> ..
> ..
> ..
> ..
> ..
> ..
> ..
> ..
> “I’m a prawn again Christian”
Very good, I laughed.
A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.
It was valid.
Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem.
Trunk is opened; no body.
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Driver: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too?
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.
Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.
It was valid.
Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem.
Trunk is opened; no body.
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Driver: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too?
Stumbling on the starting line?
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