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"The wonder of Partridge"

For anyone who hasn't seen any Alan Partirdge material, you gotta check it out. Truly Steve Coogan is a comical genius. I would like to start a new topic devoted to the king of chat.

I'll start with my favourite moment:

Scene - Alan is at Tandy's at an exclusive 'after-hours' Christmas shop. He checks out a CD player and pushes the open button.

"That's a nice action."

He does it again.

"That IS a nice action"

He does it once more. He's decided.

"Yep, that's a quality action. But I've got one."

It might not sound that funny actually but it is.

Another classic scene is when Alan and the two Irish TV Producers are sitting in Jed's lounge...

Aiden(dark haired one): Acually, do you mind if I use your toilet?
Alan : By all means
Aiden : Where is it?
Alan : Em...well I'll show you

They then procede to what Alan calls "the lobby"

Alan : Now this is the lobby. I like to read the sunday papers in here. And, eh...

He then takes them into what he thinks is the toilet...

Alan : I can never find the light switch in here

Paul(the blonde one finds the switch and turns it on...)

Alan and the other two look shocked and Alan is especially.

Alan : Oh my God!

He then turns round to face the two Irish men...

Alan : i am such a big head.
Two things:
1. Presumably you think I'm a bit odd, and you'd like to leave immediately?

Aiden & Paul : Yeah!!! (Nodding their heads).

Alan : And...
2. Can I come with you...?

Aiden & Paul : No!!!

Alan : Right!

Jed now walks in with tea...

Jed : Teas up. I'm sorry we've only got one mug, we don't get a lot of visitors.

He then turns to Aiden...

Jed : Well your the biggest so you can have the mug.

Then he turns to Paul...

Jed : You can have this milk jug. It's a bit like a mug, only it's got a spout on it. I'll have the coffee jar, and there you go alan.

Paul : Tha... Tha.. That's one of those ball things you have in washing machines.

Jed : That's right its called an Arielator.

Alan : Cheers.

He then takes a swig of the tea.

Alan : Yeah I often think I should swallow this whole and eh.. let it slosh around my system dispensing the coffee.

Alan then turns his back to everyone and just as he is drinking, both Aiden and Paul leave the premises in a hurry.

Alan : Trouble is it would be quite difficult to swallow in even one or two... Eh where have they gone?

Classic stuff

Genius man, genius. My favourite Alan noise is where he's being chased by Jed through the woods, the camera cuts to a fence and you just see Partridge jump over it. He makes the best sound I've ever heard and I've wasted many a day trying to replicate it.

Nn-n-yer

Still can't get it.

Ok one more scene is when Alan is at his wits end as he is really bored out of his skull due to the fact that the Travel Tavern is being refurbished that day. He is in his car on his headset telling Lynn about an idea for a new show...

Alan: Hello, Lynn, message from Alan. Idea for a television programme based on Michael Palin’s ‘Pole To Pole’. Except I circumnavigate the globe only driving through countries where they drive on the left. And I do it in a lovely old Bulldoze Morris. We could call it ‘Around The World With Alan Partridge In A Bulldoze On The Left’. Oh, I’m sorry, Lynn. I think that is possibly the worst idea I have ever had.

Alan: I’m going nowhere, Lynn. Quite literally, I’m on the ring road. Third time round. I’ve just been into B&Q for a bag of tungsten-tipped screws. Never gonna use ‘em...

(Pauses for a few seconds...)

Alan: Never gonna use ‘em. Meet me in the car park in half an hour, Lynn.

Another classic scene is when Alan has a new character on his early morning radio show called Camp David...

Alan: Hello, Camp David!
Camp David: Well, hello, Alan!

(Actually Camp David is Alan himself but with a camp voice put on).

Alan: And, what did you have for breakfast this morning?
Camp David: Ooh, mince!
Alan: Mmm. Yes, indeed.

Just incase anyone is interested the I'm Alan Partridge series will be released on DVD on the 8th of October.

The price of the series has yet to be comfirmed and it is also unknown, as this particular moment, what, if any, special features will be included with the DVD itself.

Lets hope the BBC dig as much up as possibly can so that it makes it a really worthy buy.

This will probably make me buy it even though I alredy have the series on VHS.

Where do you get this stuff from? Is it from memory, because if so, you watch it more than I do. I've never met anyone like you before... post more!

Ok as I have been requested to put up some more scenes then here are a couple more to keep everyone happy.

Alan: Let’s get back to ‘C***-a-doodle who’. And I asked ‘who’ invented the skip. Jack on line two.
Jack: Morning Alan.
Alan: Morning.
Jack: Er, look. I just wanted to say your comment earlier about farmers was ignorant and offensive.
Alan: Who invented the skip?
Jack: I don’t care who invented the skip. I think it’s way out of order...
Alan: Who invented the skip?
Jack: ...you speak like a man who has no knowledge of his subject ...
Alan: Who invented the skip?
Jack: ... that you’re talking about, right?
Alan: Who invented the skip?
Jack: I don’t know invented the bloody skip. Bobby Moore, I don’t bloody know, do I?
Alan: That’s wrong.
Jack: I’m just sick and tired of you slagging farmers off. Are you going to apologise to them all on your show, are you, eh? Are you going to apol...?
Alan: Come on, I mean, you must know some of the rotten rubbish you produce, I mean, tongue, for example. Who eats tongue, for goodness’ sake? Ever seen a tongue sticking out of a sesame seed cob?
Jack: Listen, you make these comments without any real knowledge about the pressures that we’re under. I just didn’t find it very funny, that’s all.
Alan: Well, I wouldn’t eat one of your tomatoes if it came up and said, “eat me”, which is not unlikely considering all the rubbish you stick in ‘em.
Jack: You ignorant s***.

(Alan then plays a cock-a-doodle-doo tune and moves onto next caller).

Alan: Caroline, line four. Hello?
Caroline: Hello Alan.
Alan: Hello.
Caroline: Hello, yeah. Have you got a brain or is your head just full of s***?

(Alan then plays a mooing soundbyte and moves onto next caller).

Alan: OK, Mike from Polgrave, are you there, sir?
Mike: Oh, you ignorant cu ...

(Alan then plays a sort of early morning wake up sound at the moment when Mike is about to swear on air).

Another is when Alan is asking Michael if he has ever been to the Far East before...

Alan: You ever been to the Far East, Michael?
Michael: Well, only Manilla, Hong Kong and Bangkok, like.
Alan: Bangkok?
Michael: Aye.
Alan: Erm, so what did you see in Bangkok?
Michael: Oh I saw the Golden Temple, man. Beautiful, it was.
Alan: Yeah, what else?
Michael: Er, well there was the river market, like. All the little boats come up and they’ve got all the fresh produce on them, and –
Alan: Michael, Michael, Michael, Michael. Come on, tell me about the ladyboys.
Michael: Oh, you mean those transsexuals? Aye, I seen them, but, you know, they’re disgusting I kept away from them.
Alan: Oh God, yeah, yeah. Fascinating creatures, though. Looks like a lady, but really it’s a man. I don’t find them attractive, it’s just confusing.

Hope this has brought back fond memories for all Alan Partridge fans out there.

Get out. Get out of this topic. Now.

*sobs*

48 POST'S in this group, there must be some SAD people around.

I like Alan's World Cup Soccer meter. It's this big, unnecessarily complicated contraption with all the venues signposted, and all the groups, so he can work out where each team is playing. However, the entire thing has no teams on it. He gets really confused and starts losing each venue. "Where's San Francisco"

It should've been on that side but it's blimmin not.