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"ARGH theres this guy...."

Right, i need some suggestions of general torture....

This guy (lets call him Bob) declared his undying love for me a few weeks ago whilst drunk... I of course took it lightly due to his intoxicated state.. in the morning he denied he meant it... ever since he won't leave my side while im out with him and others... he then persisted in asking me to 'talk' about our 'situation' and then thought he'd make up an imaginary girlfriend to make me jealous... I had a go at him to tell him to clear off and leave me alone...
Anyway.. he then decided to get back at me by makin me angry by saying to a good friend of mine (lets call him Fred) that i'd started a rumour about Fred's girlfriend.. telling people she was pregnant when she wasn't .. this isnt true...
Now.. i need any way of getting this moron off my case.. any torture methods will be taken into consideration...

I remember a time when we used to talk about [insert random topic that doesn't involve asking for advice here]. It seems this place has become dearjane.com.

I think the fact that boiling hot oils are involved kind of gives away the 'will it hurt' question.

:::GoldiE123::: wrote:
> So far .. no help or torture methods for our hated Bob/Dean/Crossbob

Drug him, take him out to the woods, strip him, tie him to a tree, leave him there until he gets the message.

When you said batter .. i immediately thought of the fish and chip shop batter... i think thats ingenius.. i could turn him into a giant battered human.. how much do you think he would be worth? Of course I could sell Bob/Crossbob/Dean trimmings.. people would pray for the juiciest bits.. disgusting... Do you think deep frying someone would hurt... one way to find out eh?!

Or you could get someone to batter him instead. Get someone to convince him that he really doesn't need those knee caps anymore.

Not forgetting that the shoots would grow pretty fast

Apparently the bamboo shoot thing was one of the most feared methods of torture in China, and Vietnamese prison camps.
A person would be held in place, and sharpened bamboo shoots would be placed under their fingernails.
Well, I'm sure you can work the rest out.
All i need now is a bamboo plantation.. a chair.. some rope... some sort of seduction method...

I thought I'd help the situation with some Poetry

Eternal

[I]I cried today
I cry every day
Crimson tears.
Bullets hidden as words
shot deep
into the depths of my soul

I watch as you leave
as you lie
as you deceive me
slowly bringing my life to an end.

I don't live anymore
I don't feel.
My soul is dead
my heart is worthless.

I grab the blade
and cut the lifeline
my river flows from its cage
Freedom.

I would appreciate it if you would take notice of my advice. Why doesn't anyone listen to me? Am I invisible? [S]I'M GOING TO CUT MYSELF

RoJ wrote:
> Bradistan you mean?

Another original genius who's watched East is East.

But yes, it really is like that. Unfortunately.

Another alternative name is 'Hell', though I believe that Hull has that copyrighted.