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As a movie fanatic, I can say without exception that Brit movies of the past 15 years suck.
And suck hard.
Even Bollywood produces better films than we do, which is saying something.
So why are they so god-awful?
Lack of imagination.
We have 3 genres, without exception. And they are:
Romantic Comedy:
This will star either Hugh Grant or John Hannah and some American woman being “real” and taking poor money for credibility.
Plot?
Bloke falls for woman, she doesn’t feel the same. But she will. Minor obstacles to over-come ending with declaration of affection usually
(a) In the rain
(b) In public place ending with spontaneous applause and smiles from old people.
Period Drama:
This will star Emma Thompson, Colin Firth and Celia Imrie.
Plot?
Upper-Class woman feel trapped by society and is drawn towards unsuitable lower-class bloke that gardens or sells meat.
Parents disapprove initially but will thaw toward end. Meddling companions will attempt to sabotage course of true love, but will fail.
American love this tosh and think we all still wear white lace dresses and ride horses, whilst the men have massive sideburns and stand in front of fires drinking port.
Gangster Flick:
This will star
(a) Sit-com star desperate for credible acting debut
(b) Several faces from old kids programmes like Press Gang
Plot?
Cockney villains bungle a heist/bank job/hijacking and spend the next 60 mins swearing at each other and being chased by inept policeman to the latest indie-band theme tune.
People think this is funny and original because they have never seen The Long Good Friday or Get Carter.
Even Michael Caine said “Me and Bob Hoskins made the best 3 British Gangster movies, and we were in one together. The rest is laughable”
That is why British movies are bad, Guy Ritchie is NOT the exception. If you think he’s cool and real, go watch Mean Streets, Goodfellas, Pulp Fiction and Long Good Friday to see who got there 1st and did it better.
And suck hard.
Even Bollywood produces better films than we do, which is saying something.
So why are they so god-awful?
Lack of imagination.
We have 3 genres, without exception. And they are:
Romantic Comedy:
This will star either Hugh Grant or John Hannah and some American woman being “real” and taking poor money for credibility.
Plot?
Bloke falls for woman, she doesn’t feel the same. But she will. Minor obstacles to over-come ending with declaration of affection usually
(a) In the rain
(b) In public place ending with spontaneous applause and smiles from old people.
Period Drama:
This will star Emma Thompson, Colin Firth and Celia Imrie.
Plot?
Upper-Class woman feel trapped by society and is drawn towards unsuitable lower-class bloke that gardens or sells meat.
Parents disapprove initially but will thaw toward end. Meddling companions will attempt to sabotage course of true love, but will fail.
American love this tosh and think we all still wear white lace dresses and ride horses, whilst the men have massive sideburns and stand in front of fires drinking port.
Gangster Flick:
This will star
(a) Sit-com star desperate for credible acting debut
(b) Several faces from old kids programmes like Press Gang
Plot?
Cockney villains bungle a heist/bank job/hijacking and spend the next 60 mins swearing at each other and being chased by inept policeman to the latest indie-band theme tune.
People think this is funny and original because they have never seen The Long Good Friday or Get Carter.
Even Michael Caine said “Me and Bob Hoskins made the best 3 British Gangster movies, and we were in one together. The rest is laughable”
That is why British movies are bad, Guy Ritchie is NOT the exception. If you think he’s cool and real, go watch Mean Streets, Goodfellas, Pulp Fiction and Long Good Friday to see who got there 1st and did it better.
Page:
Billy Elliot.
One word: Flashdance
"Ee,it's grim oop North ay lad?"
"I wanna dance"
"Ee, ner lad o' mine will do ballet"
"By 'eck, ballet ain't just fer wimmin"
"Eee, miner's strike and t'pit"
Awful, awful rubbish chicken-lips of a movie
One word: Flashdance
"Ee,it's grim oop North ay lad?"
"I wanna dance"
"Ee, ner lad o' mine will do ballet"
"By 'eck, ballet ain't just fer wimmin"
"Eee, miner's strike and t'pit"
Awful, awful rubbish chicken-lips of a movie
Hoorah!
British movies have been poor since the Hammer House of Horror closed its studios.
There may be one or two success stories, but more often than not, they're still crap.
I have no interest in dancing whatsoever, so the tale of a young lad doing ballet doesn't interest me in the slightest. For the same reasons I don't want to watch blokes dancing AND taking their kit off.
Then there are the really bad movies like Bean (if that was British made?), Maybe Baby, Up and Under, Kevin and Perry Go Large.
There are some decent British movies, like Trainspotting, and Shallow Grave, but they really are few, and far between.
British movies have been poor since the Hammer House of Horror closed its studios.
There may be one or two success stories, but more often than not, they're still crap.
I have no interest in dancing whatsoever, so the tale of a young lad doing ballet doesn't interest me in the slightest. For the same reasons I don't want to watch blokes dancing AND taking their kit off.
Then there are the really bad movies like Bean (if that was British made?), Maybe Baby, Up and Under, Kevin and Perry Go Large.
There are some decent British movies, like Trainspotting, and Shallow Grave, but they really are few, and far between.
As a movie fanatic, I can say without exception that Brit movies of the past 15 years suck.
And suck hard.
Even Bollywood produces better films than we do, which is saying something.
So why are they so god-awful?
Lack of imagination.
We have 3 genres, without exception. And they are:
Romantic Comedy:
This will star either Hugh Grant or John Hannah and some American woman being “real” and taking poor money for credibility.
Plot?
Bloke falls for woman, she doesn’t feel the same. But she will. Minor obstacles to over-come ending with declaration of affection usually
(a) In the rain
(b) In public place ending with spontaneous applause and smiles from old people.
Period Drama:
This will star Emma Thompson, Colin Firth and Celia Imrie.
Plot?
Upper-Class woman feel trapped by society and is drawn towards unsuitable lower-class bloke that gardens or sells meat.
Parents disapprove initially but will thaw toward end. Meddling companions will attempt to sabotage course of true love, but will fail.
American love this tosh and think we all still wear white lace dresses and ride horses, whilst the men have massive sideburns and stand in front of fires drinking port.
Gangster Flick:
This will star
(a) Sit-com star desperate for credible acting debut
(b) Several faces from old kids programmes like Press Gang
Plot?
Cockney villains bungle a heist/bank job/hijacking and spend the next 60 mins swearing at each other and being chased by inept policeman to the latest indie-band theme tune.
People think this is funny and original because they have never seen The Long Good Friday or Get Carter.
Even Michael Caine said “Me and Bob Hoskins made the best 3 British Gangster movies, and we were in one together. The rest is laughable”
That is why British movies are bad, Guy Ritchie is NOT the exception. If you think he’s cool and real, go watch Mean Streets, Goodfellas, Pulp Fiction and Long Good Friday to see who got there 1st and did it better.
And suck hard.
Even Bollywood produces better films than we do, which is saying something.
So why are they so god-awful?
Lack of imagination.
We have 3 genres, without exception. And they are:
Romantic Comedy:
This will star either Hugh Grant or John Hannah and some American woman being “real” and taking poor money for credibility.
Plot?
Bloke falls for woman, she doesn’t feel the same. But she will. Minor obstacles to over-come ending with declaration of affection usually
(a) In the rain
(b) In public place ending with spontaneous applause and smiles from old people.
Period Drama:
This will star Emma Thompson, Colin Firth and Celia Imrie.
Plot?
Upper-Class woman feel trapped by society and is drawn towards unsuitable lower-class bloke that gardens or sells meat.
Parents disapprove initially but will thaw toward end. Meddling companions will attempt to sabotage course of true love, but will fail.
American love this tosh and think we all still wear white lace dresses and ride horses, whilst the men have massive sideburns and stand in front of fires drinking port.
Gangster Flick:
This will star
(a) Sit-com star desperate for credible acting debut
(b) Several faces from old kids programmes like Press Gang
Plot?
Cockney villains bungle a heist/bank job/hijacking and spend the next 60 mins swearing at each other and being chased by inept policeman to the latest indie-band theme tune.
People think this is funny and original because they have never seen The Long Good Friday or Get Carter.
Even Michael Caine said “Me and Bob Hoskins made the best 3 British Gangster movies, and we were in one together. The rest is laughable”
That is why British movies are bad, Guy Ritchie is NOT the exception. If you think he’s cool and real, go watch Mean Streets, Goodfellas, Pulp Fiction and Long Good Friday to see who got there 1st and did it better.
Page: