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As a movie fanatic, I can say without exception that Brit movies of the past 15 years suck.
And suck hard.
Even Bollywood produces better films than we do, which is saying something.
So why are they so god-awful?
Lack of imagination.
We have 3 genres, without exception. And they are:
Romantic Comedy:
This will star either Hugh Grant or John Hannah and some American woman being “real” and taking poor money for credibility.
Plot?
Bloke falls for woman, she doesn’t feel the same. But she will. Minor obstacles to over-come ending with declaration of affection usually
(a) In the rain
(b) In public place ending with spontaneous applause and smiles from old people.
Period Drama:
This will star Emma Thompson, Colin Firth and Celia Imrie.
Plot?
Upper-Class woman feel trapped by society and is drawn towards unsuitable lower-class bloke that gardens or sells meat.
Parents disapprove initially but will thaw toward end. Meddling companions will attempt to sabotage course of true love, but will fail.
American love this tosh and think we all still wear white lace dresses and ride horses, whilst the men have massive sideburns and stand in front of fires drinking port.
Gangster Flick:
This will star
(a) Sit-com star desperate for credible acting debut
(b) Several faces from old kids programmes like Press Gang
Plot?
Cockney villains bungle a heist/bank job/hijacking and spend the next 60 mins swearing at each other and being chased by inept policeman to the latest indie-band theme tune.
People think this is funny and original because they have never seen The Long Good Friday or Get Carter.
Even Michael Caine said “Me and Bob Hoskins made the best 3 British Gangster movies, and we were in one together. The rest is laughable”
That is why British movies are bad, Guy Ritchie is NOT the exception. If you think he’s cool and real, go watch Mean Streets, Goodfellas, Pulp Fiction and Long Good Friday to see who got there 1st and did it better.
And suck hard.
Even Bollywood produces better films than we do, which is saying something.
So why are they so god-awful?
Lack of imagination.
We have 3 genres, without exception. And they are:
Romantic Comedy:
This will star either Hugh Grant or John Hannah and some American woman being “real” and taking poor money for credibility.
Plot?
Bloke falls for woman, she doesn’t feel the same. But she will. Minor obstacles to over-come ending with declaration of affection usually
(a) In the rain
(b) In public place ending with spontaneous applause and smiles from old people.
Period Drama:
This will star Emma Thompson, Colin Firth and Celia Imrie.
Plot?
Upper-Class woman feel trapped by society and is drawn towards unsuitable lower-class bloke that gardens or sells meat.
Parents disapprove initially but will thaw toward end. Meddling companions will attempt to sabotage course of true love, but will fail.
American love this tosh and think we all still wear white lace dresses and ride horses, whilst the men have massive sideburns and stand in front of fires drinking port.
Gangster Flick:
This will star
(a) Sit-com star desperate for credible acting debut
(b) Several faces from old kids programmes like Press Gang
Plot?
Cockney villains bungle a heist/bank job/hijacking and spend the next 60 mins swearing at each other and being chased by inept policeman to the latest indie-band theme tune.
People think this is funny and original because they have never seen The Long Good Friday or Get Carter.
Even Michael Caine said “Me and Bob Hoskins made the best 3 British Gangster movies, and we were in one together. The rest is laughable”
That is why British movies are bad, Guy Ritchie is NOT the exception. If you think he’s cool and real, go watch Mean Streets, Goodfellas, Pulp Fiction and Long Good Friday to see who got there 1st and did it better.
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I missed out on a genre:
Romantic Comedy
Gangster
Period Drama
Grim Up North Films *
* These films always show a downtrodden but ultimately cheery bunch of northern folk either worried about closures at "t'pit" or triumphing over some obstacle that doesn't matter outside of rainy, northern movie country.
There.
That is all the Brit genres.
And they still suck harder than a Dyson on full suck
Romantic Comedy
Gangster
Period Drama
Grim Up North Films *
* These films always show a downtrodden but ultimately cheery bunch of northern folk either worried about closures at "t'pit" or triumphing over some obstacle that doesn't matter outside of rainy, northern movie country.
There.
That is all the Brit genres.
And they still suck harder than a Dyson on full suck
I'm sure a few guys did a fairly good stripper movie a couple of years back, Robert Carlyle was good in that.
Lookin' for some hot stuff, baby, this evening.
Lookin' for some hot stuff, baby, this evening.
British movies aren't bad they're very bad.
Some people say that we're really good at gangster films,they're rubbish guy richie films suck really badly.
Quentin tarantino we all know is the master of these films.English films were pretty good when Steve Mcqueen was around and some of the old war films but all i can say is british films aren't bad for a laugh like the full monty and human traffic but i say is leave it to hollywood.
Some people say that we're really good at gangster films,they're rubbish guy richie films suck really badly.
Quentin tarantino we all know is the master of these films.English films were pretty good when Steve Mcqueen was around and some of the old war films but all i can say is british films aren't bad for a laugh like the full monty and human traffic but i say is leave it to hollywood.
It's ok that women flee.
They often misunderstand us.
You are not alone.
Women..can't live with them, can't set fire to them
They often misunderstand us.
You are not alone.
Women..can't live with them, can't set fire to them
cheatguru wrote:
> is lol@whoever your favourite frase
I wish it were...
And I dream of the day it can be...
but you try introducing it into polite conversation...
If women didnt always run away at the sight of me...
I'm sure that using the statement would terrify them completly... more often than not causing them to fall into a faint...
leaving them prey to my cruel and ingeious intentions...
mmmm... not a bad idea man...
I think it will be my favourite 'frase' from now on
lol@CheatGuru
cheers man
> is lol@whoever your favourite frase
I wish it were...
And I dream of the day it can be...
but you try introducing it into polite conversation...
If women didnt always run away at the sight of me...
I'm sure that using the statement would terrify them completly... more often than not causing them to fall into a faint...
leaving them prey to my cruel and ingeious intentions...
mmmm... not a bad idea man...
I think it will be my favourite 'frase' from now on
lol@CheatGuru
cheers man
is lol@whoever your favourite frase
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