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"A little advice"

If your girlfriend or wife or fiance (or whatever) wants to wear a skimpy top, skirt or anything skimpy like that in the outside world ie not in the bedroom or house what would you guys do? The same question goes to the girls but is obviously reversed.

Thanatos wrote:
>
> I appreciate what you have shared with me on the forums, this topic
> has gotten quite personal and deep, thank you and if you wnat to
> continue talking to me to see what goes through your husbands mind
> then you can e-mail me or talk to me on msn, my addy is
> [email protected]

It did kinda run away from the original post :D

Thanks for the offer to talk but I've been married long enough to know what he is going to think before he actually has time to think it.

> Thanks again, I've learnt alot, now alls I have to do is learn to
> deal with it, something which I feel only I can help myself with.

You're right of course. It doesn't matter what other people tell you or what 'good' advice they give you, in the end it all comes down to you and how you feel and deal with any given relationship. I rarely remember to turn MSN on but if you wish to talk further just nip in here and I'll add you and come online.

Your demons are part of you and while every relationship is about give and take no one should sacrifice or change themselves for someone else. It rarely lasts. Good luck with everything I hope it all works out well for you.

I know that the clothes may not be to get other guys (in fact I disbelieve it because I know that she would never do that, both of us have sacrificed our families for each other), I am a jealous guy, a very jealous and overprotective guy, strangely enough though she likes it, I guess thats why it puzzles me more, she knows she can do things and get away with them because I'm always going to be there for her to protect her (if she did go out in a mini-skirt I would'nt get angry with her, I'd go silent for a while so that I can sort out my anger internally and then I would hug her and we would be happy and fine again, I guess I don't really ahve a problem with it, more my ego).

I guess that my main issue is'nt with her, in fact she does'nt upset me, It's me, the problem is me, I need to be able to sort myself out so that I can push past this, I love her very much and I trust her as well (I actually do trust her, the only reaosn why it may appear to you that I don't is because of the way I appear to behave but that Is only my ego coming through and it's bloody massive).

I appreciate what you have shared with me on the forums, this topic has gotten quite personal and deep, thank you and if you wnat to continue talking to me to see what goes through your husbands mind then you can e-mail me or talk to me on msn, my addy is [email protected]

Thanks again, I've learnt alot, now alls I have to do is learn to deal with it, something which I feel only I can help myself with.

I have to go now, I'm late but I'll come back in about an hour.

She's not manipulative, just clingy but then again I'm clingy as well, and manipulative sometimes. I think that It's my own insecurities and demons that are manifesting themselves , I want them to dissappear and go away but at the same time I feel as though I would be betraying myself, I've spent so longer caring after myself and not trusting anyone including my family that I find it difficult to care for her a lot more than I already do (I know that I'm no saint but I have given up a lot for this woman) and sometimes I feel as though I can't trust her (my family and friends including my fiance have difficulty telling me things because I anger quite quickly and go into huffs) so I'm lost, this is my first serious relationship and I'm lost.

Thanatos wrote:

> Oh yea, I made that assumption btw.

Thought as much :)

Okay, I'm female and married to a jealous guy. The reason I've tried to answer your question is he tells me all the time that he trusts me. He's lying, I know he's lying and he knows I know. Did you get that?

I trust me. I would not have married him unless I wanted to spend my life with him. He has to cope with his own self doubts because I am not going to change what I wear or the way I am to pacify him. So, if I go out of the house in a mini skirt it is because I want to wear it not because I want to get another bloke.

He also knows that if he tries to box me in he will eventually drive me away. I cannot live like that. I would also not be the person he married.

The above is very personal to me and probably more information I shared about myself since joining SR but I'm trying to make you see that her wearing skimpy clothes does not necessarily mean she is hunting for someone else.

Hi its small_trouser45 here!
I hate to be the pessimist, but i'm sure she isn't cheating on you!
Don't be silly!
small_trouser45 over and out!

Ineedsleep wrote:
=
> (and if Goatboy gets hold of the above, ignore him as he'll say all
> females are manipulative and clingy:))

In fairness, he only says that because it's true. He'd probably add "controlling" and "insanely jealous, 2-faced hypocrites" too. I know I would...

Okay, please don't take anything I say the wrong way. My answers are reactions to you questions not anything personal about you or your lady.

The last paragraph that I've split below doesn't paint a very nice picture of the lady in question. You make it sound like she is a manipulative but clingy female who will get engaged to whomever she reckons is the best bet at that time. I'm almost positive that isn't the case.

(and if Goatboy gets hold of the above, ignore him as he'll say all females are manipulative and clingy:))

> It doesn't help me thats for damn sure, I know I'm not the best looking
> (nowhere near it)

This then says to me that it is about your confidence, or rather lack of it. She has accepted your proposal. I know that some woman seem to get engaged every 5 minutes but to be honest this isn't how things work and I don't actually know anyone who got engaged simply to have a ring on their finger, so oddly enough I wouldn't assume she did either. I have to assume that she accepted your proposal because she wanted to be with you in a long term relationship. That is what acceptance of a proposal is.

I guarantee you've heard the term 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder' and I know it sounds trite but its true. I'm not quite sure how to say this. She does not look at you the way you do, therefore she doesn't see you the way you see yourself. I doubt very much that the engagement has anything to do with looks. It has to do with how you interact as a couple, how you make her feel and how she feels about you.

> so why is she in this relationship?

Impossible to answer. The assumption would be as above but you are not asking the right people. You are either missing something more meaningful from the post (which is right, there shouldn't be too much depth to this as it is very personal to you) or you are beating yourself up over something you perceive as a problem and she doesn't.

If she hasn't given you any reason (has she?) to doubt the sincerity of your relationship then you'll end up driving yourself nuts over this. It could be just your own demons that are making you insecure.

This is difficult to answer on an open site like this. I don't want to give you the impression that everything will be rosy but I'm wondering why the self doubt and if this is a new sensation or an ongoing piece of self battering.

We are engaged, she accepted but I'm still wary, women have done worse in the past to men.

Oh yea, I made that assumption btw.

depends on her reasons... if my girlfriend is more confident if she feels beautiful then sure, why not? Luckily my girlfriend isn't the flirtatious type...