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"Shark Prawn"

Do you get the witty title?

All j00 listen up.

Two prawns, Eddy and Christian, were swimming in the sea. They were always getting menaced by sharks who tried to eat them.

So one day, Eddy said to Christian: "grr. I wish I was a shark so I din't get bullied all the time." And a magical cod appeared and made his wish come true. Christian was so scared, he thought his friend was going to eat him. So he ran home.

Eddy soon tired of being a shark. He could no longer talk to his friends who mistook him for a cold-blooded killer. So one day, he said to himself, "I wish I was a prawn again. Being a shark is ever so dull."
Once again the cod showed up and transformed him back into a prawn.

Eddy was so happy. He went back to his friends who were all overjoyed to see their old buddy. Eddy asked, "Where's my best friend Christian?" And they replied, "he's sulking at home because his best friend betrayed him and turned into a shark."

So Eddy went to Christian's home and knocked on the door, "Christian, it's me, Eddy!"
"I don't want to talk to you. You'll eat me for sure."

So Eddy, replied,



Wait for it.....


I found cod! I'm a prawn again, Christian!

A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer.
''I can't do that, officer.''
''Why not?''
''Because I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube.''
''Okay, we'll just get a urine sample down at the station.''
''Can't do that either, officer.''
''Why not?''
''Because I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup.''
''Alright, we could get a blood sample.''
''Can't do that either, officer.''
''Why not?''
''Because I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die.''
''Fine then, just walk this white line.''
''Can't do that either, officer.''
''Why not?''
''Because I'm drunk.''

How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

2 - one to run through the mountain, and another to distract the flying purple fish.

"A man calls the Animal Control in his town, because there is a crazed gorilla on his roof, and he can't figure out how to get it down safely. Soon, a van pulls up, and an old man gets out, carrying a small dog, a baseball bat, and a gun. He hands the man the gun.

''Okay, here's what we do. I'm going to go up onto your roof, and threaten the gorilla with this baseball bat until he falls down. When he falls down, this little dog will bite him in the balls until he's incapacitated.''

''Great,'' says the man. ''But what's the gun for?''

''In case I fall down instead of the gorilla — shoot the dog.''

"Off the seventh tee, Joe sliced his shot deep into a wooded ravine. He took his eight iron and clambered down the embankment in search of his lost ball.
After many long minutes of hacking at the underbrush, he spotted something glistening in the leaves. As he drew nearer, he discovered that it was an eight iron in hands of a skeleton!

Joe immediately called out to his friend, "Jack, I've got trouble down here!"

"What's the matter?" Jack asked from the edge of the ravine.

"Bring me my wedge," Joe shouted. "You can't get out of here with an eight iron!"

Two men walking past a Catholic school for girls.
One looks at the other and says, "Haha, I love Virgin Megastores"

This really tall, really muscle-bound biker walks into a pub, struts to the bar and says: "I want six pints of lager and I'm not going to pay for them! If anyone gives me any s##t then I'll smash their faces in! Any questions?"

The bar is silent as everyone is clearly scared of him.

The guy stands there and downs two of the lagers. Then he jerks his thumb to his left and says: "Everyone on this side of the bar is a c###! Any questions?"

No-one moves or speaks.

He downs two more lagers. Then he jerks his thumb to his right and says: "Everyone on this side of the bar is a mother-f###er! Any questions?"

No-one moves or speaks.

Just as he picks up his fifth lager, a bloke stands up on his left and starts to walk towards him. The biker smashes the pint onto the floor and says: "You got a problem, a#####e?!?"

The bloke says: "No, I'm just on the wrong side of the bar."

A man walks into a bar. He orders a drink. He sits there for a time alone, enjoying his beverages. After a while, another patron of the bar comes along and tells him a joke.

I forget what it was.

A man sat in a pub drinking his sorrows, eventually closing time came around and he decided to leave. He tried to stand up, but fell straight to the floor, he picked himself up for another go, but fell with more vigour than before, eventually he crawled out of the pub.

After getting a bit of fresh air the man though he was in with a better shot, so he tried to stand again, unfortunately, once again he hit the ground. So he crawled home again, he managed to unlock the door and crawl into bed without his wife noticing, "Success" he thought.

The next morning his wife woke him shouting "You were drunk again werent you?!?", "how did you find out?" the man said. "The pub called, youve left your wheelchair there again".

Im after that GAD:

*Thinks*

"A drunken man staggered into a Catholic church, sat down in the Confessional and said nothing.
The priest is waiting and waiting and waiting.
The priest coughs to attract the drunk man's attention, but still the man says nothing.
The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak.
Finally the drunk replies, ''No use knockin,' pal. There's no paper."

A man walks into a bar and orders a pint of lager.

"We have a special offer on tonight", the barman says. "If you can reach those two pieces of beef that are nailed to the ceiling then your drink's free. If you fail, then you have to buy everyone in the bar a drink. Care to gamble?"

The bloke replies, "Sorry, but the steaks are too high."