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"I have a relationship problem...:("

Well as many of you know by now I'm your resident gay member and I have been having some relationship problems as of late. In fact it's been scheisse. I have been going out with my PERFECT boyfriend for the past 3 months (on the 16th on this month) and it's been amazing being with him. However on Wednesday I made a big mistake.

My ex called Chris well...my new guy is very protective of me around him as Chris has tried while we're going out, to err get at me. So I said to Mark look if you're that bothered about Chris, I'll never see him again. He's my past and you're my future. Mark declined though and said "No he's been a good friend to you for near enough 3 years now I don't want to be the reason you stop seeing him.

I just left it at that after and me and Mark continued our great relationship. We had plans to move in with each other in Mid-october, we both gave up uni for it and he's working his ass of working anti-social ours to get the initial money until I start saving from a part time job i plan to get on Tuesday.

He only gets Wednesdays off from this job and we planned to spend everyone together. Just being together...it's all I ever want. However on his first wednesday off I made the biggest mistake of my life.

I spent a great day as always with him and I decided to end the night by taking him to an Edinburgh gay bar (habanas) as he hadn't seen any of Edinburgh's. When we were there we started drinking and having a good time when my ex-Chris came in. I told Mark who he was and said to Mark "Don't worry I wont come back for a drink with him".

After a couple of hours Mark had to go home. I wanted to spend as much time as I could with him so I convinced him to stay for a while longer and get the late train home. Eventually he had to go though so I walked him to the train station, hugged him, kissed him, told him how much I loved him and said goodbye. Seconds later Chris phoned and said "Why don't you come back for one drink? There's a pineapple bacardi waiting for you" I said no but then he said "For god's sake! You've got to have a life outside Mark you know"...so I reconsidered and joined him for one drink, two if you count the bottle of volvic I bought for the walk home.

While I was there though Mark phoned my mobile. I said "Hey babe, sorry I'm at Haban...." and he hung up on me. I thought he was just a bit annoyed at me for going back for a drink but I still felt like crap that I'd caused the one man I truely love to feel like that so I walked home and couldn't get to sleep. I tried phoning and texting him but he answered and replied to nothing. It just made me feel worse and worse and I knew he must be angry about something else too.

I got up the next day and the first thing I checked was my phone to see if he got back to me and he hadn't so I went on MSN were he explained all. I promised him I would never see Chris again if that's what he wanted a while ago he was upset that I went back to see him after Habanas. I was sure Mark said he didn't want me to stop seeing Chris so I didn't give it much thought but now I know I should have kept that promise regardless and I am keeping it now.

Mark says he lost his trust in me that night and now we don't have a relationship...it hurt me so so much to see him say that. It was terrible.

I felt so bad for hurting him and I didn't know what to do. However, he did talk to me again. In fact I met Mark again yesterday. He phoned me at 1:00am after work and after talking for an hour-hour and a half he asked if I wanted to come and see him. I always said I was just a phonecall away and I went to see him a few hours later (got there at 12 noon). At first it was hard but I knew it would be. We talked about it at the start and decided just to put it behind us and try and get back what we had (we're not breaking up!!! YES!) I was so relieved when I heard that and it made me so so happy to be given the chance to make him happy again.

He say's it's going to be hard and I can understand why it will be but I'm sure we'll work through it. I can't afford us not to, I made a mistake and although I can't change it. We all learn from our mistakes and take something from it, I took the lesson that I can never ever do anything to jeapordise our relationship again. I love him far far too much to ever lose him.

I'm sure when he saw me he must have been able to see how much I was hurting, how truely sorry I was and there must have been some part of him that saw that I'd learnt my lesson, even if it was the hard way.

The only problem now is earning his trust again. It's going to be so so hard, I have to earn his trust again and he has to learn to trust again. All I want though is our relationship as it was. Perfect, just like him.

He works 8 till 8 Sat and Sun after a 6 till midnight work shift on Friday. I've never spent so long not talking to him before and considering the circumstances I'm sure you can understand how much I miss him and want to talk to him. I want to be with him so much. Earlier on I couldn't really take it. It felt so bad just wanting to phone him but knowing he was at work. I needed a distraction and I turned to something I never have before.

I decided to self harm, not properly really. I didn't drag a stanley knife across my skin. I was smoking at the time and I stubbed it out on my wrist. The pain of the burn took away some of the mental pain but now I realise it was just a distraction and now I have to cover the burn scar. I'm not sure if I regret it because it made me feel better for a few moments but I just don't know what to do. It's so frustrating knowing you'd do anything for someone, knowing they could trust you and that you'd die for them and them not to trust you back. I just love him so much and want him to love me like he did before. I just feel so bad right now.

I don't know what you're all going to make of this post and I don't know what kind of responses I'm wanting but I just wanted to talk to some people about it. Thanks for your time.

Forest Fan wrote:
> Hmmm... I don't disagree with you on some of those points Light. I
> don't really see why this thread was ever started up. Cub!st even
> admits this in the last paragraph of his initial post. I just wonder
> whether Cub!st got the reaction from myself and others he was looking
> for...


And you don't think that's at all egotistical of you? Assuming that a post was made purely to catch you out?

I'll say again; just because you don't see a particular point of view, or why a post was made, it doesn't therefore follow that the point of view/post is there to catch you out, or displaying excessive political correctness, or anythng at all like that. It could just be that you've missed the point, or that the majority of people find your views on the subject repellant. Nothing more, nothing less.

Hmmm... I don't disagree with you on some of those points Light. I don't really see why this thread was ever started up. Cub!st even admits this in the last paragraph of his initial post. I just wonder whether Cub!st got the reaction from myself and others he was looking for...

It's because everyone that works there is a fairy, and working there is like a 24-hour pride disco. Ever seen SR Towers? Like the Disney castle, but the two towers are pink with purple turrets, and blue vines running down them...

Forest wrote:

>Well Light I feel of all my comments, one was misplaced which I will publicly apologise for now saying something along the lines of gays should be called bent - which >I take back and apologise for. However, aside from that it was a heated debate, I debated purposely not just with the intent of offending anyone and despite Cub!st >continually insulting myself and others - he got away with it scot free. Oh, and about your point about the warning - I'm still to recieve my e-mail about why it was >given, as to be honest I'm still mystified as to why it was given to myself and maddmum and NOT Cub!st. Surely this only further backs up more point of political >correctness...

Hey, at least you've apologised which, as I believe that is more than Cubist has done, does at least give you the moral high ground. Unfortunately, you sorta squander it cos you keep complaining about "Political Correctness", which is simply lazy thinking on your part. Why hasn't Cubist been warned? Could be any number of reasons; could be that none of the staffies found what he said offensive. Did you consider that? Just cos you get offended by something, doesn't mean the majority do. If you find yourself in the minority opinion, trying to invoke things like "political correctness gone mad", "liberal whining", "conservative bigotry" and other such abstracts serves only to make you look petty and vain, as if you think it's not possible for you to be incorrect so therefore it must be because of something else that people are disagreeing with you. I find that these arguments are usually only raised when someone cannot actually explain exactly what it is they dislike about the opposing argument, and so they seek to smear it in order to try and get people to their way of thinking.

Or it could be that it's the first time Cubist has offended 'em, whereas this is (at least) the second time you have. What do I mean by that? Well, look at Belldandy; he is constantly and consistently attempting to assert his superiority and greater intelligence over everyone (staffies included) by means of weak insults, evasiveness in questions, and inadequate arguments. Consequently he offends pretty much all of the people all of the time. As a further result, this means people are simply delighted to take every opportunity to lay into him and generally make him look like the fool he is. Hence he was warned for stuff that, on the face of it, wasn't too bad but was either a damned good excuse to cause distress to a self-important fool, or maybe it was just the straw that broke the camels back in terms of all the constant argument. I have a suspicion that it's the latter here with you. And no, maybe that isn't completely fair. Show me in the instruction manual where it says life has to be fair at all times and I'll gladly concede that point to you.

Now in fairness, you have come a long way since you started here; every thread I argued with you in saw you being weakly insulting, evasive to questions, and posing inadequate arguments. Now it seems you're starting to learn to think before speaking. That's commendable; following the Belldandy approach of cutting and pasting an opinion that he hasn't actually thought about always makes one look like an idiot. And when called upon to actually explain what they mean, they find that they don't actually understand the argument they've parrotted. Coupled with an inability to admit any sort of mistake on their part, and you end up with a scenario where you make yourself look a complete mongtard. I'd say you could look to the fact that Bell is treated to mocking and jeering laughter as he descends further into moral and intellectual cowardice, petty spite, and desperate attempts to bolster his own ego, whilst recently you've started to be given fair hearings and the insults have slowed down. This shows that it pays to try and show people respect and civility wherever possible, and to give reasons for your beliefs even whether you choose to be civil or not. Treat others as you'd be treated yourself in other words. In my arguments with you, you showed barely any consideration by your evasiveness and general inability to consider that maybe you didn't have all the answers and I (and many others) responded to you in kind. If Cubist insults people randomly, you can pretty much guarantee that he'll find himself almost as universally disliked as Bell. Unless of course his insults have a little originality and humour about them, and are visibly not borne of spitefulness alone.

You may not have intended to offend anyone, but you basically said that Cubists lifestyle is wrong and can never ever work. That's pretty damned offensive, not to mention totally unsupported by fact. Remember how narky you got when I made that crack about your hero-pastor and how many altar boys he's molested? I didn't write that to offend you, yet it did. Did I wail and moan and complain about that? Did I say you were trying to censor my right to free speech. Nope. I laughed at you for showing a lack of a sense of humour, and that was it. You're of course entitled if you wish to claim that it's "political correctness" that led to your being warned and Cubist not, but you've failed to make a case for it beyond "well he didn't get warned and I did", so don't be surprised if others take up their entitlement to decide that you're talking asshat.

Oh, and finally; Snuggly said pretty much what I was gonna say to Bell. Except that I actually enjoy watching him humiliate himself, be it by proving his cowardice by jamming his fingers in his ears and singing "lalalalalalala" as his borrowed arguments are torn to shreds, or his deeply self-humiliating attempts at debate. After all, it's the one thing he's consistently good at. Well...that and keeping his child loveslaves hidden from his mum and dad when they tidy his room. Mind you, I do find it funny that in this thread he's having a pop at Goaty and I for being in favour of upholding the rule of law (in that everyone has a right to trial), whilst he himself seemingly wants to completely bypass any legal procedings on subjects where he personally has made up his mind. Always good to see some proper hypocrisy in action; he's finally shown that he's a wannabe dictator. Shame he only manages to achieve the first syllable really.

cookie monster wrote:
> Foszy wrote:
> But were talking about extra tax, the reason why there is so much
> tax
> on petrol and fags is because they cause pollution, and fags cost
> the
> government billions of pounds in health. Its the same with fatty
> products even if they had a slight tax then it could create extra
> millions and might help reduce the inflating obesity stats. Which
> are
> qute worrying.
>
> Extra taxing won't make people eat less fatty foods, if they want it
> they will buy it, it will just make them a little poorer and the
> government a whole lot wealthier.

But the money would be put straight in to the NHS, it can help fund all the people with ill health. You seem to think i only want the government to be rich, well there not. I mean schools are havign to lay off teachers as they cant afford to pay them. Ok it wont stop poeple buying it but it can help fund there health care which will eventually be needed.

Im not trying to persecute the fat people i just feel people who buy things which damage there health have to pay higher taxs on it to help pay for the health care. Drinkers pay lots of tax on booze smokers on fags why shouldnt there be a tax on fast food or chocolate, it doesnt have to be huge just a small amount to HELP fund the NHS. Of course this is my opinion and i understand if you have a different one i just feel if one social group is being charged extra for there bad habits then everyone esle should, i belive people should be treated equally.

Foszy wrote:
> But were talking about extra tax, the reason why there is so much tax
> on petrol and fags is because they cause pollution, and fags cost the
> government billions of pounds in health. Its the same with fatty
> products even if they had a slight tax then it could create extra
> millions and might help reduce the inflating obesity stats. Which are
> qute worrying.

Extra taxing won't make people eat less fatty foods, if they want it they will buy it, it will just make them a little poorer and the government a whole lot wealthier.

Ant wrote:
> Foszy wrote:
> I just think there should be a small fat tax
>
> Amusing. :D
>
> I know you were being serious and that, I think it was just the way
> it was put that made me chuckle. {:)

I always have a funny image of a que of fat people paying it in at the post office, no offence to fat people but when there in groups i do find it slightly amusing.

cookie monster wrote:
> pb wrote:
> Surey 'Fat-tax' is achieved by a tax on food such as chocolate and
> ice-cream?
>
> Yes, in which case there already is one, its called VAT.

But were talking about extra tax, the reason why there is so much tax on petrol and fags is because they cause pollution, and fags cost the government billions of pounds in health. Its the same with fatty products even if they had a slight tax then it could create extra millions and might help reduce the inflating obesity stats. Which are qute worrying.

pb wrote:
> Surey 'Fat-tax' is achieved by a tax on food such as chocolate and
> ice-cream?

Yes, in which case there already is one, its called VAT.

Surey 'Fat-tax' is achieved by a tax on food such as chocolate and ice-cream?

As for the original post - if your relationship is strong enough, you should be able to be honest and he should be able to trust you/forgive you/whatever. Admittedly, there are certain points you can go past to really make someone distrust you, but by the sound of it, you didn't pass them.