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"I have a relationship problem...:("

Well as many of you know by now I'm your resident gay member and I have been having some relationship problems as of late. In fact it's been scheisse. I have been going out with my PERFECT boyfriend for the past 3 months (on the 16th on this month) and it's been amazing being with him. However on Wednesday I made a big mistake.

My ex called Chris well...my new guy is very protective of me around him as Chris has tried while we're going out, to err get at me. So I said to Mark look if you're that bothered about Chris, I'll never see him again. He's my past and you're my future. Mark declined though and said "No he's been a good friend to you for near enough 3 years now I don't want to be the reason you stop seeing him.

I just left it at that after and me and Mark continued our great relationship. We had plans to move in with each other in Mid-october, we both gave up uni for it and he's working his ass of working anti-social ours to get the initial money until I start saving from a part time job i plan to get on Tuesday.

He only gets Wednesdays off from this job and we planned to spend everyone together. Just being together...it's all I ever want. However on his first wednesday off I made the biggest mistake of my life.

I spent a great day as always with him and I decided to end the night by taking him to an Edinburgh gay bar (habanas) as he hadn't seen any of Edinburgh's. When we were there we started drinking and having a good time when my ex-Chris came in. I told Mark who he was and said to Mark "Don't worry I wont come back for a drink with him".

After a couple of hours Mark had to go home. I wanted to spend as much time as I could with him so I convinced him to stay for a while longer and get the late train home. Eventually he had to go though so I walked him to the train station, hugged him, kissed him, told him how much I loved him and said goodbye. Seconds later Chris phoned and said "Why don't you come back for one drink? There's a pineapple bacardi waiting for you" I said no but then he said "For god's sake! You've got to have a life outside Mark you know"...so I reconsidered and joined him for one drink, two if you count the bottle of volvic I bought for the walk home.

While I was there though Mark phoned my mobile. I said "Hey babe, sorry I'm at Haban...." and he hung up on me. I thought he was just a bit annoyed at me for going back for a drink but I still felt like crap that I'd caused the one man I truely love to feel like that so I walked home and couldn't get to sleep. I tried phoning and texting him but he answered and replied to nothing. It just made me feel worse and worse and I knew he must be angry about something else too.

I got up the next day and the first thing I checked was my phone to see if he got back to me and he hadn't so I went on MSN were he explained all. I promised him I would never see Chris again if that's what he wanted a while ago he was upset that I went back to see him after Habanas. I was sure Mark said he didn't want me to stop seeing Chris so I didn't give it much thought but now I know I should have kept that promise regardless and I am keeping it now.

Mark says he lost his trust in me that night and now we don't have a relationship...it hurt me so so much to see him say that. It was terrible.

I felt so bad for hurting him and I didn't know what to do. However, he did talk to me again. In fact I met Mark again yesterday. He phoned me at 1:00am after work and after talking for an hour-hour and a half he asked if I wanted to come and see him. I always said I was just a phonecall away and I went to see him a few hours later (got there at 12 noon). At first it was hard but I knew it would be. We talked about it at the start and decided just to put it behind us and try and get back what we had (we're not breaking up!!! YES!) I was so relieved when I heard that and it made me so so happy to be given the chance to make him happy again.

He say's it's going to be hard and I can understand why it will be but I'm sure we'll work through it. I can't afford us not to, I made a mistake and although I can't change it. We all learn from our mistakes and take something from it, I took the lesson that I can never ever do anything to jeapordise our relationship again. I love him far far too much to ever lose him.

I'm sure when he saw me he must have been able to see how much I was hurting, how truely sorry I was and there must have been some part of him that saw that I'd learnt my lesson, even if it was the hard way.

The only problem now is earning his trust again. It's going to be so so hard, I have to earn his trust again and he has to learn to trust again. All I want though is our relationship as it was. Perfect, just like him.

He works 8 till 8 Sat and Sun after a 6 till midnight work shift on Friday. I've never spent so long not talking to him before and considering the circumstances I'm sure you can understand how much I miss him and want to talk to him. I want to be with him so much. Earlier on I couldn't really take it. It felt so bad just wanting to phone him but knowing he was at work. I needed a distraction and I turned to something I never have before.

I decided to self harm, not properly really. I didn't drag a stanley knife across my skin. I was smoking at the time and I stubbed it out on my wrist. The pain of the burn took away some of the mental pain but now I realise it was just a distraction and now I have to cover the burn scar. I'm not sure if I regret it because it made me feel better for a few moments but I just don't know what to do. It's so frustrating knowing you'd do anything for someone, knowing they could trust you and that you'd die for them and them not to trust you back. I just love him so much and want him to love me like he did before. I just feel so bad right now.

I don't know what you're all going to make of this post and I don't know what kind of responses I'm wanting but I just wanted to talk to some people about it. Thanks for your time.

Forest Fan wrote:
> Pan. you may have got it a bit wrong here. I'm discussing use of the
> offending term 'breeder' here.

This made me laugh.

Though I was intrigued by Forest Fan's comment that every man and woman on this planet came from another man and woman. Does this mean he's finally given up on the bible bashing? Because that says God created the first man and woman...

Forest Fan wrote:
> Pan. you may have got it a bit wrong here. I'm discussing use of the
> offending term 'breeder' here.


How could anyone be offended by that?
If someone called me a "breeder", I'd probably roll on the floor laughing...


Seriously! :-D

Lil Ginge wrote:
> May I just say that Light and forest fan are pratically married ....


Bwahahahahahahaaaa! I was thinking more Big Brother-Little Brother, but I know what you mean...

May I just say that Light and forest fan are pratically married ....


Cube - You are gonna have to buckle up and think of your partners feelings in future, do not listen to others advice when they are blatantly persuading you in a non neutral way - You obviously deep down knew that it would hurt your partner to come back to have drinks with your ex (duh) but then listen to your ex explain how you gotta bla blaaaa...

well now you know its wrong you cant blow your brains out other one mistake, show him you love him and that means respect your partner when he is working and everything else, do not be feeling all guilty and self harm yourself or get in moods because you cant see him because in the end of the day he is working his ass off to gain money for you BOTH!

Sounds like he is a nice guy, so find a job work your ass off as much as him and show him how much you love him and trust him! Your ex is nothing - When my scummy ex came over to me in a club a few months ago I made it clear I was with sam had been for two and a bit years and loved him so he dont have a chance! Harsh but he a sleezy bastardo and it best to clear air heh heh....

As soon as he tried dancing near me and my lady friend I re ittirated the point said politely we can be mates but nothing else and when it was time to leave i didnt even go over and say 'see ya' - told sam next day the looser was there and things were fine and dandy! Atleast next time if your ex comes close all you have to do is say how in love and happy you are now that you can be friends but no more and be honest if and when you see him to your new guy!

Hope it works out cube


p.s - breeder... i dont like it dude. Say sorry!

Forest Fan wrote:

> To use and out and out offensive term is plain wrong, there shouldn't
> be any doubt about that. At all. When you consider that
> hetrosexuality IS the natural thing to do and that every human being
> on this earth comes from a man and a woman, to insult that natural
> method is totally wrong and above all completely unnecessary. Unlike
> with an opinion on religion, it doesn't even try and debate a
> purposeful viewpoint on something, rather it is just an attempt to
> offend.

And of course, stating that someone's whole life will be a failure because of their sexuality, that's not offensive at all is it?

As to what is natural and what isn't...well, I've had this discussion with you before. And as I recall, you backed down and decided to avoid the questions because you didn't seem to like the way things were going. You've already said that you feel the natural world was 'corrupted by mankinds sinfulness'. If that is the case, then whatever humans do IS natural because, apparently, animals all copied us and out behaviour. Your definition of 'natural' seems to be as follows;
"I personally believe this to be the right and proper way of things"

It strikes me that you only think something is wrong when it offends you personally. You have little difficulty in insulting others, and you act astonished when they get offended. Doesn't debate a purposeful view? Tell me; if someone made it clear that they had an intolerant and blinkered view of your lifestyle, and that they condemned your choice of religion out of hand without wanting to make the slightest effort to understand it, how long would you spend debating it? Are you trying to claim you wouldn't resort to petty insults? Cos if you are, you're lying.

> Different kettle of fish in my book. Mumbai Duck seems to raise
> opinions and post something people can relate to. Plus they're always
> interesting and sometimes humorous.

No; Mumbai Duck posts stuff that you feel you can relate to, and that you find interesting and humerous. That's all. Look at the reaction to this post; can you honestly doubt that people found it interesting?
It's a different kettle of fish to you, yes. Don't assume that because something appears a certain way to you, it therefore must appear that way to everyone.

Pan. you may have got it a bit wrong here. I'm discussing use of the offending term 'breeder' here.

Forest Fan wrote:
> To use an out and out offensive term is plain wrong, there shouldn't
> be any doubt about that. At all. When you consider that
> hetrosexuality IS the natural thing to do and that every human being
> on this earth comes from a man and a woman, to insult that natural
> method is totally wrong and above all completely unnecessary. Unlike
> with an opinion on religion, it doesn't even try and debate a
> purposeful viewpoint on something, rather it is just an attempt to
> offend.

Occasionally I pop back onto these forums, and every time I'm amazed you haven't been banned for writing offensive posts like this one.

Someones sexuality is simply "an attempt to offend" and "completely unnecessary"?!?!?!?!?!?

I'm speechless..................

Light wrote:
> If you can explain to me how that is different from posting an
> opinion on religion that you know for a fact won't be well received
> then I'm all ears.

To use an out and out offensive term is plain wrong, there shouldn't be any doubt about that. At all. When you consider that hetrosexuality IS the natural thing to do and that every human being on this earth comes from a man and a woman, to insult that natural method is totally wrong and above all completely unnecessary. Unlike with an opinion on religion, it doesn't even try and debate a purposeful viewpoint on something, rather it is just an attempt to offend.

> And? Mumbai Duck has made a few posts that were quite clearly
> "Dunno where this is going, but it's good to get it off my
> chest" exercises. Where's the problem in that?

Different kettle of fish in my book. Mumbai Duck seems to raise opinions and post something people can relate to. Plus they're always interesting and sometimes humorous.

Forest Fan wrote:

> I see what you're saying, but I don't think it was directed
> specificially at me or any other straight person on these forums,
> though at the risk of sounding judgemental I wouldn't put it past
> Cub!st to start a thread like this with the intent of getting into an
> arguement with the majortiy here, giving him the chance to on his own
> offend with the term 'breeder'.
>

If you can explain to me how that is different from posting an opinion on religion that you know for a fact won't be well received then I'm all ears.

> I wouldn't be as bold as to say I 'know' why the thread was started,
> because it clearly had some sort of directive too it. However as I'll
> repeat even Cub!st at the end remarks how he doesn't know what he's
> looking for from this thread.

And? Mumbai Duck has made a few posts that were quite clearly "Dunno where this is going, but it's good to get it off my chest" exercises. Where's the problem in that?

Light wrote:
> And you don't think that's at all egotistical of you? Assuming that a
> post was made purely to catch you out?

I see what you're saying, but I don't think it was directed specificially at me or any other straight person on these forums, though at the risk of sounding judgemental I wouldn't put it past Cub!st to start a thread like this with the intent of getting into an arguement with the majortiy here, giving him the chance to on his own offend with the term 'breeder'.

> I'll say again; just because you don't see a particular point of
> view, or why a post was made, it doesn't therefore follow that the
> point of view/post is there to catch you out, or displaying excessive
> political correctness, or anythng at all like that. It could just be
> that you've missed the point, or that the majority of people find
> your views on the subject repellant. Nothing more, nothing less.

I wouldn't be as bold as to say I 'know' why the thread was started, because it clearly had some sort of directive too it. However as I'll repeat even Cub!st at the end remarks how he doesn't know what he's looking for from this thread.