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Well as many of you know by now I'm your resident gay member and I have been having some relationship problems as of late. In fact it's been scheisse. I have been going out with my PERFECT boyfriend for the past 3 months (on the 16th on this month) and it's been amazing being with him. However on Wednesday I made a big mistake.
My ex called Chris well...my new guy is very protective of me around him as Chris has tried while we're going out, to err get at me. So I said to Mark look if you're that bothered about Chris, I'll never see him again. He's my past and you're my future. Mark declined though and said "No he's been a good friend to you for near enough 3 years now I don't want to be the reason you stop seeing him.
I just left it at that after and me and Mark continued our great relationship. We had plans to move in with each other in Mid-october, we both gave up uni for it and he's working his ass of working anti-social ours to get the initial money until I start saving from a part time job i plan to get on Tuesday.
He only gets Wednesdays off from this job and we planned to spend everyone together. Just being together...it's all I ever want. However on his first wednesday off I made the biggest mistake of my life.
I spent a great day as always with him and I decided to end the night by taking him to an Edinburgh gay bar (habanas) as he hadn't seen any of Edinburgh's. When we were there we started drinking and having a good time when my ex-Chris came in. I told Mark who he was and said to Mark "Don't worry I wont come back for a drink with him".
After a couple of hours Mark had to go home. I wanted to spend as much time as I could with him so I convinced him to stay for a while longer and get the late train home. Eventually he had to go though so I walked him to the train station, hugged him, kissed him, told him how much I loved him and said goodbye. Seconds later Chris phoned and said "Why don't you come back for one drink? There's a pineapple bacardi waiting for you" I said no but then he said "For god's sake! You've got to have a life outside Mark you know"...so I reconsidered and joined him for one drink, two if you count the bottle of volvic I bought for the walk home.
While I was there though Mark phoned my mobile. I said "Hey babe, sorry I'm at Haban...." and he hung up on me. I thought he was just a bit annoyed at me for going back for a drink but I still felt like crap that I'd caused the one man I truely love to feel like that so I walked home and couldn't get to sleep. I tried phoning and texting him but he answered and replied to nothing. It just made me feel worse and worse and I knew he must be angry about something else too.
I got up the next day and the first thing I checked was my phone to see if he got back to me and he hadn't so I went on MSN were he explained all. I promised him I would never see Chris again if that's what he wanted a while ago he was upset that I went back to see him after Habanas. I was sure Mark said he didn't want me to stop seeing Chris so I didn't give it much thought but now I know I should have kept that promise regardless and I am keeping it now.
Mark says he lost his trust in me that night and now we don't have a relationship...it hurt me so so much to see him say that. It was terrible.
I felt so bad for hurting him and I didn't know what to do. However, he did talk to me again. In fact I met Mark again yesterday. He phoned me at 1:00am after work and after talking for an hour-hour and a half he asked if I wanted to come and see him. I always said I was just a phonecall away and I went to see him a few hours later (got there at 12 noon). At first it was hard but I knew it would be. We talked about it at the start and decided just to put it behind us and try and get back what we had (we're not breaking up!!! YES!) I was so relieved when I heard that and it made me so so happy to be given the chance to make him happy again.
He say's it's going to be hard and I can understand why it will be but I'm sure we'll work through it. I can't afford us not to, I made a mistake and although I can't change it. We all learn from our mistakes and take something from it, I took the lesson that I can never ever do anything to jeapordise our relationship again. I love him far far too much to ever lose him.
I'm sure when he saw me he must have been able to see how much I was hurting, how truely sorry I was and there must have been some part of him that saw that I'd learnt my lesson, even if it was the hard way.
The only problem now is earning his trust again. It's going to be so so hard, I have to earn his trust again and he has to learn to trust again. All I want though is our relationship as it was. Perfect, just like him.
He works 8 till 8 Sat and Sun after a 6 till midnight work shift on Friday. I've never spent so long not talking to him before and considering the circumstances I'm sure you can understand how much I miss him and want to talk to him. I want to be with him so much. Earlier on I couldn't really take it. It felt so bad just wanting to phone him but knowing he was at work. I needed a distraction and I turned to something I never have before.
I decided to self harm, not properly really. I didn't drag a stanley knife across my skin. I was smoking at the time and I stubbed it out on my wrist. The pain of the burn took away some of the mental pain but now I realise it was just a distraction and now I have to cover the burn scar. I'm not sure if I regret it because it made me feel better for a few moments but I just don't know what to do. It's so frustrating knowing you'd do anything for someone, knowing they could trust you and that you'd die for them and them not to trust you back. I just love him so much and want him to love me like he did before. I just feel so bad right now.
I don't know what you're all going to make of this post and I don't know what kind of responses I'm wanting but I just wanted to talk to some people about it. Thanks for your time.
My ex called Chris well...my new guy is very protective of me around him as Chris has tried while we're going out, to err get at me. So I said to Mark look if you're that bothered about Chris, I'll never see him again. He's my past and you're my future. Mark declined though and said "No he's been a good friend to you for near enough 3 years now I don't want to be the reason you stop seeing him.
I just left it at that after and me and Mark continued our great relationship. We had plans to move in with each other in Mid-october, we both gave up uni for it and he's working his ass of working anti-social ours to get the initial money until I start saving from a part time job i plan to get on Tuesday.
He only gets Wednesdays off from this job and we planned to spend everyone together. Just being together...it's all I ever want. However on his first wednesday off I made the biggest mistake of my life.
I spent a great day as always with him and I decided to end the night by taking him to an Edinburgh gay bar (habanas) as he hadn't seen any of Edinburgh's. When we were there we started drinking and having a good time when my ex-Chris came in. I told Mark who he was and said to Mark "Don't worry I wont come back for a drink with him".
After a couple of hours Mark had to go home. I wanted to spend as much time as I could with him so I convinced him to stay for a while longer and get the late train home. Eventually he had to go though so I walked him to the train station, hugged him, kissed him, told him how much I loved him and said goodbye. Seconds later Chris phoned and said "Why don't you come back for one drink? There's a pineapple bacardi waiting for you" I said no but then he said "For god's sake! You've got to have a life outside Mark you know"...so I reconsidered and joined him for one drink, two if you count the bottle of volvic I bought for the walk home.
While I was there though Mark phoned my mobile. I said "Hey babe, sorry I'm at Haban...." and he hung up on me. I thought he was just a bit annoyed at me for going back for a drink but I still felt like crap that I'd caused the one man I truely love to feel like that so I walked home and couldn't get to sleep. I tried phoning and texting him but he answered and replied to nothing. It just made me feel worse and worse and I knew he must be angry about something else too.
I got up the next day and the first thing I checked was my phone to see if he got back to me and he hadn't so I went on MSN were he explained all. I promised him I would never see Chris again if that's what he wanted a while ago he was upset that I went back to see him after Habanas. I was sure Mark said he didn't want me to stop seeing Chris so I didn't give it much thought but now I know I should have kept that promise regardless and I am keeping it now.
Mark says he lost his trust in me that night and now we don't have a relationship...it hurt me so so much to see him say that. It was terrible.
I felt so bad for hurting him and I didn't know what to do. However, he did talk to me again. In fact I met Mark again yesterday. He phoned me at 1:00am after work and after talking for an hour-hour and a half he asked if I wanted to come and see him. I always said I was just a phonecall away and I went to see him a few hours later (got there at 12 noon). At first it was hard but I knew it would be. We talked about it at the start and decided just to put it behind us and try and get back what we had (we're not breaking up!!! YES!) I was so relieved when I heard that and it made me so so happy to be given the chance to make him happy again.
He say's it's going to be hard and I can understand why it will be but I'm sure we'll work through it. I can't afford us not to, I made a mistake and although I can't change it. We all learn from our mistakes and take something from it, I took the lesson that I can never ever do anything to jeapordise our relationship again. I love him far far too much to ever lose him.
I'm sure when he saw me he must have been able to see how much I was hurting, how truely sorry I was and there must have been some part of him that saw that I'd learnt my lesson, even if it was the hard way.
The only problem now is earning his trust again. It's going to be so so hard, I have to earn his trust again and he has to learn to trust again. All I want though is our relationship as it was. Perfect, just like him.
He works 8 till 8 Sat and Sun after a 6 till midnight work shift on Friday. I've never spent so long not talking to him before and considering the circumstances I'm sure you can understand how much I miss him and want to talk to him. I want to be with him so much. Earlier on I couldn't really take it. It felt so bad just wanting to phone him but knowing he was at work. I needed a distraction and I turned to something I never have before.
I decided to self harm, not properly really. I didn't drag a stanley knife across my skin. I was smoking at the time and I stubbed it out on my wrist. The pain of the burn took away some of the mental pain but now I realise it was just a distraction and now I have to cover the burn scar. I'm not sure if I regret it because it made me feel better for a few moments but I just don't know what to do. It's so frustrating knowing you'd do anything for someone, knowing they could trust you and that you'd die for them and them not to trust you back. I just love him so much and want him to love me like he did before. I just feel so bad right now.
I don't know what you're all going to make of this post and I don't know what kind of responses I'm wanting but I just wanted to talk to some people about it. Thanks for your time.
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If in 2 years, then, yes, it will be, but 3 months in?
P.s. I'm still at highschool which is why I can only work part time now but I'm the youngest in my year so even if I stayed to my very last year I still wanted to take a gap year and work just so I'm not like the youngest at university. If in 2 years though we're still together I think it's safe to say it's a long lasting relationship:D
Ah, good.
I'd like to see you when me,Memo and Nash are all assoing it up.
(damn filter)
I'd like to see you when me,Memo and Nash are all assoing it up.
(damn filter)
I'm serious when you're an ass, madlads. It's a counterbalance thing.
gerrid? Serious? This cannot be good.
hi gayboi wanna shag?
You cads are too harsh on the poor lad.
This self harming thing, Cubist, I would suggest that if you ever feel like self harming, you should find something else to do instead.
Everytime you feel like hurting yourself, draw a picture, or write down your feelings on some paper, then throw it in the bin.
Find something that you can take your frustrations out on that isn't your own body or someone elses.
As for the not wanting to rock the boat idea, I understand how you're thinking, and when you're in love with someone you'll make any sacrifice. That's how spousal abuse begins and perpetuates, after all. The trick is to know when you need to say how you actually feel and to know when to just leave it. Think about the consequences: if you say how you feel, will it stop you resenting the other person more? Keeping your feelings bottled up always leads to resentment in a relationship. It's always better to be honest and open, and although you probably don't want to take the risk of telling Mark how you felt about everything, and how you don't feel you should be to blame, it is probably the right option, and the one that will help further your relationship and increase it's stability. If you don't tell him you'll just end up resenting him for blaming you.
This self harming thing, Cubist, I would suggest that if you ever feel like self harming, you should find something else to do instead.
Everytime you feel like hurting yourself, draw a picture, or write down your feelings on some paper, then throw it in the bin.
Find something that you can take your frustrations out on that isn't your own body or someone elses.
As for the not wanting to rock the boat idea, I understand how you're thinking, and when you're in love with someone you'll make any sacrifice. That's how spousal abuse begins and perpetuates, after all. The trick is to know when you need to say how you actually feel and to know when to just leave it. Think about the consequences: if you say how you feel, will it stop you resenting the other person more? Keeping your feelings bottled up always leads to resentment in a relationship. It's always better to be honest and open, and although you probably don't want to take the risk of telling Mark how you felt about everything, and how you don't feel you should be to blame, it is probably the right option, and the one that will help further your relationship and increase it's stability. If you don't tell him you'll just end up resenting him for blaming you.
Oh, feck it, I'll reply full on...
Cub!st wrote:
> The thing is mattribute, you clearly haven't been in love like this
> before.
Oh, you've seen me post on a chat forum and you know my love life now, Cubist? You're in love and it's a love like NO-ONE ELSE has ever felt before, yeah? Because you're special. Because you're unique. Because you're gay.
> I can imagine a life without uni, but I can't imagine one
> without Mark.
Love isn't forever, Cub!st. Even you, in your short sighted, stupid ways, should see that. You're young. You're not even 20 yet. You're not even fully developed yet, for gods sake. And yet, you're willing to give up your future just for the sake of someone you've 'loved' for 3 months?
Love and education aren't seperate things, you know. Loving isn't an occupation (not legally, anyway), and what are you going to do for a job? 'Part time'? Hah. Brilliance. You'll be all alone in a council flat, just you and your lover, but that doesn't matter because all you need is love. Of course.
> That's what true love is. That's what you don't have.
It's what I did have, Cub!st. It's what i did have.
Cub!st wrote:
> The thing is mattribute, you clearly haven't been in love like this
> before.
Oh, you've seen me post on a chat forum and you know my love life now, Cubist? You're in love and it's a love like NO-ONE ELSE has ever felt before, yeah? Because you're special. Because you're unique. Because you're gay.
> I can imagine a life without uni, but I can't imagine one
> without Mark.
Love isn't forever, Cub!st. Even you, in your short sighted, stupid ways, should see that. You're young. You're not even 20 yet. You're not even fully developed yet, for gods sake. And yet, you're willing to give up your future just for the sake of someone you've 'loved' for 3 months?
Love and education aren't seperate things, you know. Loving isn't an occupation (not legally, anyway), and what are you going to do for a job? 'Part time'? Hah. Brilliance. You'll be all alone in a council flat, just you and your lover, but that doesn't matter because all you need is love. Of course.
> That's what true love is. That's what you don't have.
It's what I did have, Cub!st. It's what i did have.
Well mate, I wish you the best, but all I see is a little bit of time later your being upset and screwed both uni-wise and mentally.
He gave up uni too. He was going to do an 8 year course at Glasgow uni...well 4 years at glasgow uni and then you need to do 4 years of something else:S Only seeing him on weekends for 8 years i'm sure would do wonders for our relationship considering I was going to Stirling. It may be unlikely E_B but it feels like true love to me and that's all I care about.
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