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"I have a relationship problem...:("

Well as many of you know by now I'm your resident gay member and I have been having some relationship problems as of late. In fact it's been scheisse. I have been going out with my PERFECT boyfriend for the past 3 months (on the 16th on this month) and it's been amazing being with him. However on Wednesday I made a big mistake.

My ex called Chris well...my new guy is very protective of me around him as Chris has tried while we're going out, to err get at me. So I said to Mark look if you're that bothered about Chris, I'll never see him again. He's my past and you're my future. Mark declined though and said "No he's been a good friend to you for near enough 3 years now I don't want to be the reason you stop seeing him.

I just left it at that after and me and Mark continued our great relationship. We had plans to move in with each other in Mid-october, we both gave up uni for it and he's working his ass of working anti-social ours to get the initial money until I start saving from a part time job i plan to get on Tuesday.

He only gets Wednesdays off from this job and we planned to spend everyone together. Just being together...it's all I ever want. However on his first wednesday off I made the biggest mistake of my life.

I spent a great day as always with him and I decided to end the night by taking him to an Edinburgh gay bar (habanas) as he hadn't seen any of Edinburgh's. When we were there we started drinking and having a good time when my ex-Chris came in. I told Mark who he was and said to Mark "Don't worry I wont come back for a drink with him".

After a couple of hours Mark had to go home. I wanted to spend as much time as I could with him so I convinced him to stay for a while longer and get the late train home. Eventually he had to go though so I walked him to the train station, hugged him, kissed him, told him how much I loved him and said goodbye. Seconds later Chris phoned and said "Why don't you come back for one drink? There's a pineapple bacardi waiting for you" I said no but then he said "For god's sake! You've got to have a life outside Mark you know"...so I reconsidered and joined him for one drink, two if you count the bottle of volvic I bought for the walk home.

While I was there though Mark phoned my mobile. I said "Hey babe, sorry I'm at Haban...." and he hung up on me. I thought he was just a bit annoyed at me for going back for a drink but I still felt like crap that I'd caused the one man I truely love to feel like that so I walked home and couldn't get to sleep. I tried phoning and texting him but he answered and replied to nothing. It just made me feel worse and worse and I knew he must be angry about something else too.

I got up the next day and the first thing I checked was my phone to see if he got back to me and he hadn't so I went on MSN were he explained all. I promised him I would never see Chris again if that's what he wanted a while ago he was upset that I went back to see him after Habanas. I was sure Mark said he didn't want me to stop seeing Chris so I didn't give it much thought but now I know I should have kept that promise regardless and I am keeping it now.

Mark says he lost his trust in me that night and now we don't have a relationship...it hurt me so so much to see him say that. It was terrible.

I felt so bad for hurting him and I didn't know what to do. However, he did talk to me again. In fact I met Mark again yesterday. He phoned me at 1:00am after work and after talking for an hour-hour and a half he asked if I wanted to come and see him. I always said I was just a phonecall away and I went to see him a few hours later (got there at 12 noon). At first it was hard but I knew it would be. We talked about it at the start and decided just to put it behind us and try and get back what we had (we're not breaking up!!! YES!) I was so relieved when I heard that and it made me so so happy to be given the chance to make him happy again.

He say's it's going to be hard and I can understand why it will be but I'm sure we'll work through it. I can't afford us not to, I made a mistake and although I can't change it. We all learn from our mistakes and take something from it, I took the lesson that I can never ever do anything to jeapordise our relationship again. I love him far far too much to ever lose him.

I'm sure when he saw me he must have been able to see how much I was hurting, how truely sorry I was and there must have been some part of him that saw that I'd learnt my lesson, even if it was the hard way.

The only problem now is earning his trust again. It's going to be so so hard, I have to earn his trust again and he has to learn to trust again. All I want though is our relationship as it was. Perfect, just like him.

He works 8 till 8 Sat and Sun after a 6 till midnight work shift on Friday. I've never spent so long not talking to him before and considering the circumstances I'm sure you can understand how much I miss him and want to talk to him. I want to be with him so much. Earlier on I couldn't really take it. It felt so bad just wanting to phone him but knowing he was at work. I needed a distraction and I turned to something I never have before.

I decided to self harm, not properly really. I didn't drag a stanley knife across my skin. I was smoking at the time and I stubbed it out on my wrist. The pain of the burn took away some of the mental pain but now I realise it was just a distraction and now I have to cover the burn scar. I'm not sure if I regret it because it made me feel better for a few moments but I just don't know what to do. It's so frustrating knowing you'd do anything for someone, knowing they could trust you and that you'd die for them and them not to trust you back. I just love him so much and want him to love me like he did before. I just feel so bad right now.

I don't know what you're all going to make of this post and I don't know what kind of responses I'm wanting but I just wanted to talk to some people about it. Thanks for your time.

monkey_man wrote:
> Oh, and I bet you don't complain when you see two women getting it
> on.

Yeah, actually, I do.

maddmun wrote:
> "Oh, OK."
> "GET AWAY FROM ME FREAK!"

Sounds like you're conflicted there, mate. Wonder why?

Oh, and I bet you don't complain when you see two women getting it on.

Why do you ALWAYS rely on us to sort out your relationships dude?

Ashman wrote:
> maddmun wrote:
> I don't care.
> I depsise the idea of homosexuality, as it's just wrong.
> I rate it up there with murder, and all those other bad things.
>
> Whilst I personally have no qualms with people being gay, I respect
> that some others aren't going to like it. But the suggestion that
> being gay is as bad as murdering somebody is just painfully shallow
> I'm afraid. Just think about what you’re saying here. Really.

You're right, I was spouting drivel last night.

I hate theidea of homosexuality, it's not as bad as murder, no, but I still think it's ahorribly wrong thing to do.
I'm not homophobic, though it may seem that way, I just can't stand people who are homosexual, it's like a non-contagious disease in someone.
That's the way I treat it at least.

Sometimes I'm like this, but other times are not.
I've still not made up my mind on whether to accept it or not, becasue it's something they choose to do, rather than are born like, and what they are choosing, is, in my opinion completely wrong. There are times I won't care "I'm gay" "Oh, OK."
But then there's opther itmes I won't accept it "I'm gay" "GET AWAY FROM ME FREAK!"

I'm like that, I change opinions depending on mood.

The best way to find out what I'm really like is to get me drunk and introduce me to a gay person.
That would be my honest opinion.

English_Bloke wrote:
> Cub!st wrote:
> *looks at E_B*
>
> Why?

Ew...

Anyway, back to your problem. Can't two blokes have a drink down the pub together and not be called 'gay'? Well, that's homosexuality for you isn't it. Doesn't make sense and doesn't work.

Is it me, or is free speech not allowed anymore? Is expressing your emotion not right? Homosexuality is disgusting. If anyone has a problem with my view - that's just political correctness, i.e. non freedom of speech. You're all entitled to your views, and I'm entitled to mine.

I didn't know you were gay...hang on I've spoken to you before...errr, bums against the wall, lads! Only kidding - that's the sort of out-dated homophobia FF and his sort spout. The only issue I have with gay people is that they set up their own exclusive clubs and have pride marches, yet they want to be taken as equal members of society - which they are by default of being a Human being. It's not the 60's anymore, you won't get beats for fancying men. Christ, homosexuality is hardly anything new either, has been happening for thousands of years.

As for same-sex relationships, I've never been in one, but I imagine it's like two women playing the sort of mind-games they play on men, but on each other. Like when Van Damme meets his CGI twin in every other film he's in. Van Damme can camp up a film plenty. Two Van Damme's is twice as camp, but half as macho. Do gays time-travel? I digress...

Also, seeing as you are so young, you're probably better suited to answer this: when did you realise you were gay? Do you always remember fancying men, or was there an incident that led you to it? Just out of interest.

Scratch head.

Academy's nice. But totally stuffed on the club nights; you have to charge through everyone on the floor before you get a chance to be served at the bar.

Ah, Pankhurst court; I lived near there. Not at there, but near.