Viewing Thread:
"Short Poem Competition Returns"

Hey all. Discodexy asked if someone would start a new one of these competitions, so here goes.

Rules:

-Maximum of, shall we say, 200 words?
-The word to base it around is "pain", you can easily get something out of that.

I'm going on holiday on Sunday but will judge soon after I get back. Shall we say, entries in by 2nd September, and I will judge them and name the top three poems on the 4th September. This gives people plenty of time to get their entries in.

Post your poems in this thread!

Enjoy

RESULTS!

3rd Place goes to Mav for this entry...

Pain.
Makes me feel insane,
It comes and goes
My mind is slain,
Withdrawn, retreated,
A wounded fawn,
Nothing is here for me,
Nothing will help.

It rises up - the pain in me,
Even alone, I feel its grip,
No pressure, no feeling,
Just the horror of it,
I fall, neglected,
A victim, rejected,
My mind is affected
In ways I accept it,
But I can't help but give in,
It overthrows me, commands,
I'm suffocating, holding out my arms,
Grasping for help, but I slip away,
Unnoticed, uncared for, there's no other way,
They don't know about me, neither do you,
I drift through crowds,
Invisible.

Yet my pain remains, I live in vain,
Because I can't.
There's no going forward,
No going back,
To these people I'm a pet,
They call me Jack.


2nd place goes to Grebo, for this entry...

"In mute mental anguish,
We are divided by allegiances,
Our stoppered emotions,
Precipitating smouldering conflagrations,
And explosions of patience,
Whether soul-less happiness,
Or soul-full despair,
Inciting reactions of ineffectuality,
Leading to solitude,
Always looking to reason,
But finding indefatigable naiveté,
Always leading, leading, leading,
Downwards spiralling,
To an ultimate climax,
Rushing, insisting,
and pressing the balance,
Losing our equilibrium,
Leading, leading,
Subconscious observations,
Of intellectual depravations,
And self imposed mental anarchy,
Giving stunning inspirations,
Revelations of reality,
Dawning from obscurity,
Losing, losing,
Humour engulfed,
Mind retreating,
Downwards spiralling,
Self absorbed,
Comatose,
Eventual emotional flat liner."


and the winner is... Azul! For his entry, I've got the Power...

My remorseful soul, a prism of unrest;
Summer rains replenishing and tender
And shadowy clouds ebb and flow with jest;
A ray of gold pierces them with splendour
As light hits my soul and splits into a rainbow.
The valley echoes with my brothers cries
And fields of faith bloom with hope as they grow.
I see my beacon shine through broken skies:

Sapphire birds dance through the eloquent air
And roses sway in the winds of grandeur.
The beauty overwhelms as petals wear,
and hated barbs play a hurtful overture.
The thorns puncture my heart with woeful pain -
I'm smiling; meaningfully going insane

Congratulations Azul, you've won the satisfaction of knowing I thought your poem was better than all the other entries.

Thanks to everyone who entered (especially Mattribute, who put in loads of short, often odd, poems), I just thought these were the best of the lot. Anyone that wants to start the next competition with their own word is free to do so.

Cheers

*HE*

I suppose you don't care to elaborate on that?

I'd rather not discuss the events in my life that led to this conclusion on my part.

You obviously have very strong emotions to this particular subject, possibly something you've related to in real life. Care to elaborate?

Jonathan Nash wrote:
> I coulnd't help but notice the blatent zoophile references. Care to
> elaborate?

I was trying to compare the acts of a woman to those of a vampire bat - how the dark mistress drains your blood, or your soul, if you allow her to control your life.

This was truely beautiful, soaked in vast images and a kaleidoscope of intensity. Such rich, gorgeous language. This is a real treasure, Memorandum! Be proud!

I coulnd't help but notice the blatent zoophile references. Care to elaborate?

Here's another one I've been working on:

The Scars Across My Back

Scarlet flows from within
Assisted in its journey outward
By my sweet Valentine
In her sensual gown

My hands bound together
My feet shackled
I am at the mercy
Of the dark mistress

The Whips
Make my body yield
The liquids of Pain
And also other Liquids;
Those of Joy

Gandalf

Give me the ring,
Frodo

I tried to make it very modern and have a very blatent message.

An interesting poem, Johnathan.
I can't help but notice your constant reference to 'the end' with the repetition of the phrase "the final countdown".
I also notice that you mention "leaving ground".

Is this poem an insight into the thoughts of a terminally ill person and how they feel as they face the inevitable end? I can't help thinking that it has undertones of mass suicide with the line "we are leaving together" in that multiple people are heading for "the final countdown" in a planned way, possibly because of the pain in their lives.

An excellent ambiguous poem about pain, Jonathan. I commend you on your originality.

[I]Pain - without so much as a summer's day[I]

The final countdown
Ooh oh
I'ts the final countdown
The final countdown
The final countdown (the final countdown)
Ooh
It's the final countdown
We are leaving together
The final countdown..