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"My Message"

I sit here feeling strained, knowing I have the ambition to do something creative of epic proportions. I want to write, I love writing but most of all I want to make a difference with my writing. I want to write something that will live on after I have died for people to remember me by; a timeless classic novel or a book of enduring usefulness.

The though of dying and being forgotten suffocates me. Some people are quite content to live out their life in relative happiness, die and then be forgotten. I want to leave behind me a legacy. I want people to read something I have written and for it to speak volumes to them. I want to make a difference to the lives of people; but I do not know how.

I sit here at my computer most nights with a blank word document open, wanting to begin my masterpiece. Longing for my fingers to spring to life and begin tapping down the jumbles mass of emotion, creativity and vitriol that is my thumping unconscious in a legible fashion. I keep a pen and paper by my bedside in case a dream clarifies what it is I am meant to write about. What I am meant to bring to the world that I feel is going to be so important. If I were a spiritual person I would probably say it was my destiny to convey this message that sits encoded in the back of my mind, always a few inches from the tip of my proverbial tongue; but so far it hasn’t made itself clear enough to scribble down on paper.

My jumbled assortment of poetry, discourses and stories each hold an element of what I am trying to reveal, but the big picture is far from complete. It pains me to think that I may never discover what it is I feel the need to express so badly. I have tried philosophising, stabbing in the dark at huge issues such as the meaning of life or the size of the universe. Issues I feel uncouth of someone of my education to even ponder with any degree of seriousness. But I will continue to explore every issue under the sun until I probe deep enough into my psyche to uncover the message I have to offer the world. Something I need to uncover for the sake of my ever failing sanity.

keep writting

Cub!st wrote:
> Seriously Kyle I've not spoken to you in a while but you've changed.

*marks the point where Cubist starts to sound like an ex-girlfriend

> You used to just do the occasional creative story, poem and so on but
> now you seem somewhat obssessed.

No, since I've known you I've been an avid writer. In fact I used to write more a year or so ago so thats your theory rubbished

> Everything you write wreaks of
> effort and needless meaning. Everything is excpetionally stylish and
> over the top. Clearly the phrase tone it down doesn't exist in your
> world.

I enjoy writing, much like other people like sitting on their fat behinds and watching Eastenders or whatever. Its a pastime for me, a hobby, not a mind-numbing strenous task I do ritualistically because I get off on my own discontentness.

> I think it's great you want to do something meaningful with your life
> but seriously. You're a teenager. Someone once said, a true sign of
> intelligence is admitting you know very little at all.

Are you saying teenagers are incapable of doing anything meaningful with their lives? I dont sit here all day writing to try and forge the perfect masterpiece, I write in my free time, when I'm not out with friends or doing other 'teenagery' things. I'm very much enjoying my youth

> You should
> think of that before going of and writing overly complex and stylish
> poems that when deciphered 90% of the time could have been said quite
> simply in plain english.

That is what art is all about and it seems it is something you cannot udnerstand. Why did Van Gough paint the sun flower and spend years on it when a simple pencil outline could've also shown a sunflower? Why did Michaelangelo spend a decade on the cistene chapel roof when he could have finished in a week with a nice coat of Dulux once. Why did Tolstoy write the longest novel ever, War and Peace, when he could have just said "Russia lose, communism rises"? The answer, my good friend, is self-expression and the delight other people gain from understanding this. If everyone expressed themselves in the same way it would be a rather dull little existance, but the variations as a form of art make this a little more diverse.

> You still have so much to learn and do with
> your life. You can write your novel, your masterpiece later and I'm
> sure you will.

I hope so too but I dont like procrastranating

Rosalind wrote:
> Cheese is evil.

You're the second person recently who's told me they dislike cheese. Maybe cheese is a man thing!?! 0_o

Seriously Kyle I've not spoken to you in a while but you've changed. You used to just do the occasional creative story, poem and so on but now you seem somewhat obssessed. Everything you write wreaks of effort and needless meaning. Everything is excpetionally stylish and over the top. Clearly the phrase tone it down doesn't exist in your world.

I think it's great you want to do something meaningful with your life but seriously. You're a teenager. Someone once said, a true sign of intelligence is admitting you know very little at all. You should think of that before going of and writing overly complex and stylish poems that when deciphered 90% of the time could have been said quite simply in plain english. You still have so much to learn and do with your life. You can write your novel, your masterpiece later and I'm sure you will.

I did a plop once that was the shape of a jumbo jet. You could maybe turn this into a story about how even the lowliest piece of crap can rise above the rest of the shiite and become something worthwile.

Cheese is evil.

Try writing about cheese, everybody likes cheese.

On a more serious note, the whole "meaning of life" and "size of the universe" you said youe were trying to write about may well be good and interesting to some, but most cant relate to it. If you write about bin collections and hats people will relate to it better.

Teaching children is definitely one way of creating a legacy. Sharing the gift may just bring the fulfillment you need. I'm finding you excel at sharing your talent here! :P

now he has the kittens for other purposes.

Well, you were close, and perhaps I should be glad you cared enough to remember me. But then I think you probably remember Belldandy too.

I am 20, but just think, you too once had facial hair that could be licked off by kittens.