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"My Message"

I sit here feeling strained, knowing I have the ambition to do something creative of epic proportions. I want to write, I love writing but most of all I want to make a difference with my writing. I want to write something that will live on after I have died for people to remember me by; a timeless classic novel or a book of enduring usefulness.

The though of dying and being forgotten suffocates me. Some people are quite content to live out their life in relative happiness, die and then be forgotten. I want to leave behind me a legacy. I want people to read something I have written and for it to speak volumes to them. I want to make a difference to the lives of people; but I do not know how.

I sit here at my computer most nights with a blank word document open, wanting to begin my masterpiece. Longing for my fingers to spring to life and begin tapping down the jumbles mass of emotion, creativity and vitriol that is my thumping unconscious in a legible fashion. I keep a pen and paper by my bedside in case a dream clarifies what it is I am meant to write about. What I am meant to bring to the world that I feel is going to be so important. If I were a spiritual person I would probably say it was my destiny to convey this message that sits encoded in the back of my mind, always a few inches from the tip of my proverbial tongue; but so far it hasn’t made itself clear enough to scribble down on paper.

My jumbled assortment of poetry, discourses and stories each hold an element of what I am trying to reveal, but the big picture is far from complete. It pains me to think that I may never discover what it is I feel the need to express so badly. I have tried philosophising, stabbing in the dark at huge issues such as the meaning of life or the size of the universe. Issues I feel uncouth of someone of my education to even ponder with any degree of seriousness. But I will continue to explore every issue under the sun until I probe deep enough into my psyche to uncover the message I have to offer the world. Something I need to uncover for the sake of my ever failing sanity.

I have no idea what this novel of mine is going to be. I have nay plan. I just started it. I'm not one for mapping things out, that's why I do not know whether it'll be good or bad, or whether I'll reach a point where it dawns on me that it's not working.

If it does fail I'll take what I've learned and start another. I'm determined to write something I like, which (because I'm brutally critical of my own creations) will be a difficult thing to achieve.

Thats you and sodding grix who are going gallavanting with their novels and I'm yet to even forge the shadowy outlines of an idea.

This is my current plan of conquering the universe via symbols and squiggles: I am going to write 1,000 words a week (perfecting the prose as I go), thus in a year's time my novel will be complete... and then I will realize that it is total hoopla, cast it in a deep drawer, buy myself a sabre and commit harakiri on a windblown hummock.

The whisperers in the high shadows have shown me my damned fate -

Anyhow - I think you need to lighten up a bit. Working out what you want from life usually seems to takes a rounded and experienced view on life itself. Get out there and be one of those content people you speak of, who are happy to live for the moment and enjoy it - and this "epiphany" should arrive eventually. Forcing it will likely bring frustration, and worrying yourself about the "big issues" is perhaps a waste of time when it may be the smaller things that you need to live for.

I thought you already wrote a book or something, Paradox:?

I remember you talking about getting kicked back by the publishers...

Hedfix, you amuse me like a rash :-D

A MESSAGE TO GOD: I LOVE YOU..........

Paradox: wrote:
>
> I'm really not, I'm like a tranquilised sloth.

and that's just in the bedroom. ;)

Very Limp Bizkit.

Goatboy wrote:
> Jesus you people are touchy

I'm really not, I'm like a tranquilised sloth.

Hedfix wrote:
> ;D