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I feel like $h!t...I am holding back the tears (barely) and I don't have a clue what to do. My life is a mess. I don't know what I have done. I am just really anti-social and I hate it. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. I have made enemies of people I don't even know on these forums and I've made enemies of people in reality as I'm sure Don Rocco and Doonhamer will gleefully tell you if they haven't already.
I know I messed up on the forums when I started making enemies right left and center and I'd like to apologise now for that. I know it doesn't change the things I typed but an apology is all I can give. I'm sorry. I would especially like to say sorry to Mystique. Everything I said to you were just cheap shots about your looks without any consideration for the actual person I am bad mouthing. NO ONE deserves that and I'm truly sorry although I understand if you don't want to forgive me. I am going to try and change though and be a better person because right now. I'm alone. I'm so alone and as much as I hate to admit it I need you people because I have noone in real life to talk to about anything. I like to think of myself as a good person, a strong person but right now as I type this I am realising all this stuff about myself and I'm scared. I'm scared where I'm going to end up if this is the person I turn out to be years down the road.
I'm all worked up about my lack of friends. I know I messed up and lost my main circle of friends a while back but I've just been dealing with it the best way I can and I only now realise it's the wrong way. I've become a completely anti-social idiot with no friends to just hang out with. And what do I do with this free time? I don't revise for my exams which I'm now sure I'm going to fail. I sit at home. Alone and talk to people I've never even met who hate me just as much as those I have. I don't know how to make new friends though. I always either go quiet because I'm trying to be so perfect and only want to talk about topics I KNOW are going to be hits or I end up spouting off tons of crap that just comes across as a desperate failing attempt at me being funny. I just can't pull it off either way and don't know how to change.
Finally my parents think I'm a dissapointment and I'm going to fail all my exams and not get into uni but I'm not getting into that because I'll end up rambling like the sad b*****d that I am. Not that I haven't been rambling all along. I've messed up so bad and I can't pull it back. I have tried making more friends. I go to a cinema group on Saturdays to produce short films but the people I've bonded with are all older than me and at uni so while they're all off with their friends I'm just this kid they see on Saturday. They just have completely different lifestyles. If I'm lucky I get to talk to them on msn every once and a while but that's it. Remember when I said I went to clubs with them? Well it wasn't them...I was covering for the real people I went with. All of whome were 21 not 18 like them. All friends of my buddy who I love but doesn't love me back. In fact I'm sure i'm just being tagged along. God that's so crap. Plus I have been talking to someone off MSN and they think I'm just in love with the fact that someone likes me and not actually in love with this person. I think she may be right and that's so sad it's untrue.
God I don't know why I'm rambling on like this when I'm sure none of you care. I guess since I have no real friends to talk to about this stuff it just helps to have some kind of outlet. Hopefully with some people I can befriend again.
I know I messed up on the forums when I started making enemies right left and center and I'd like to apologise now for that. I know it doesn't change the things I typed but an apology is all I can give. I'm sorry. I would especially like to say sorry to Mystique. Everything I said to you were just cheap shots about your looks without any consideration for the actual person I am bad mouthing. NO ONE deserves that and I'm truly sorry although I understand if you don't want to forgive me. I am going to try and change though and be a better person because right now. I'm alone. I'm so alone and as much as I hate to admit it I need you people because I have noone in real life to talk to about anything. I like to think of myself as a good person, a strong person but right now as I type this I am realising all this stuff about myself and I'm scared. I'm scared where I'm going to end up if this is the person I turn out to be years down the road.
I'm all worked up about my lack of friends. I know I messed up and lost my main circle of friends a while back but I've just been dealing with it the best way I can and I only now realise it's the wrong way. I've become a completely anti-social idiot with no friends to just hang out with. And what do I do with this free time? I don't revise for my exams which I'm now sure I'm going to fail. I sit at home. Alone and talk to people I've never even met who hate me just as much as those I have. I don't know how to make new friends though. I always either go quiet because I'm trying to be so perfect and only want to talk about topics I KNOW are going to be hits or I end up spouting off tons of crap that just comes across as a desperate failing attempt at me being funny. I just can't pull it off either way and don't know how to change.
Finally my parents think I'm a dissapointment and I'm going to fail all my exams and not get into uni but I'm not getting into that because I'll end up rambling like the sad b*****d that I am. Not that I haven't been rambling all along. I've messed up so bad and I can't pull it back. I have tried making more friends. I go to a cinema group on Saturdays to produce short films but the people I've bonded with are all older than me and at uni so while they're all off with their friends I'm just this kid they see on Saturday. They just have completely different lifestyles. If I'm lucky I get to talk to them on msn every once and a while but that's it. Remember when I said I went to clubs with them? Well it wasn't them...I was covering for the real people I went with. All of whome were 21 not 18 like them. All friends of my buddy who I love but doesn't love me back. In fact I'm sure i'm just being tagged along. God that's so crap. Plus I have been talking to someone off MSN and they think I'm just in love with the fact that someone likes me and not actually in love with this person. I think she may be right and that's so sad it's untrue.
God I don't know why I'm rambling on like this when I'm sure none of you care. I guess since I have no real friends to talk to about this stuff it just helps to have some kind of outlet. Hopefully with some people I can befriend again.
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Cub!st wrote:
> Plus I have been talking to someone off MSN and they think I'm
> just in love with the fact that someone likes me and not actually in
> love with this person. I think she may be right and that's so sad
> it's untrue.
It sounds so right! It's too easy to get confused like that. I'm exactly the same. You immediately fall in love with someone if they show you the slightest bit of attention you so desperately need.
Anyway. Do something inspiring, if not, find something inspirational. You might wake up tomorrow in a completely different mood.. Find a hobby, be it collecting stamps.. ;) Anyway, just sounds like you're being a 'teenager' right now..
> Plus I have been talking to someone off MSN and they think I'm
> just in love with the fact that someone likes me and not actually in
> love with this person. I think she may be right and that's so sad
> it's untrue.
It sounds so right! It's too easy to get confused like that. I'm exactly the same. You immediately fall in love with someone if they show you the slightest bit of attention you so desperately need.
Anyway. Do something inspiring, if not, find something inspirational. You might wake up tomorrow in a completely different mood.. Find a hobby, be it collecting stamps.. ;) Anyway, just sounds like you're being a 'teenager' right now..
Puberty = hormones = messed up person. It happens to a lot of people.
You've got a way to go to get back into people's good books, if at all. This was your first step - well done. But, be prepared to be ripped to pieces!
You'll get over it, mate.
You've got a way to go to get back into people's good books, if at all. This was your first step - well done. But, be prepared to be ripped to pieces!
You'll get over it, mate.
I feel like $h!t...I am holding back the tears (barely) and I don't have a clue what to do. My life is a mess. I don't know what I have done. I am just really anti-social and I hate it. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. I have made enemies of people I don't even know on these forums and I've made enemies of people in reality as I'm sure Don Rocco and Doonhamer will gleefully tell you if they haven't already.
I know I messed up on the forums when I started making enemies right left and center and I'd like to apologise now for that. I know it doesn't change the things I typed but an apology is all I can give. I'm sorry. I would especially like to say sorry to Mystique. Everything I said to you were just cheap shots about your looks without any consideration for the actual person I am bad mouthing. NO ONE deserves that and I'm truly sorry although I understand if you don't want to forgive me. I am going to try and change though and be a better person because right now. I'm alone. I'm so alone and as much as I hate to admit it I need you people because I have noone in real life to talk to about anything. I like to think of myself as a good person, a strong person but right now as I type this I am realising all this stuff about myself and I'm scared. I'm scared where I'm going to end up if this is the person I turn out to be years down the road.
I'm all worked up about my lack of friends. I know I messed up and lost my main circle of friends a while back but I've just been dealing with it the best way I can and I only now realise it's the wrong way. I've become a completely anti-social idiot with no friends to just hang out with. And what do I do with this free time? I don't revise for my exams which I'm now sure I'm going to fail. I sit at home. Alone and talk to people I've never even met who hate me just as much as those I have. I don't know how to make new friends though. I always either go quiet because I'm trying to be so perfect and only want to talk about topics I KNOW are going to be hits or I end up spouting off tons of crap that just comes across as a desperate failing attempt at me being funny. I just can't pull it off either way and don't know how to change.
Finally my parents think I'm a dissapointment and I'm going to fail all my exams and not get into uni but I'm not getting into that because I'll end up rambling like the sad b*****d that I am. Not that I haven't been rambling all along. I've messed up so bad and I can't pull it back. I have tried making more friends. I go to a cinema group on Saturdays to produce short films but the people I've bonded with are all older than me and at uni so while they're all off with their friends I'm just this kid they see on Saturday. They just have completely different lifestyles. If I'm lucky I get to talk to them on msn every once and a while but that's it. Remember when I said I went to clubs with them? Well it wasn't them...I was covering for the real people I went with. All of whome were 21 not 18 like them. All friends of my buddy who I love but doesn't love me back. In fact I'm sure i'm just being tagged along. God that's so crap. Plus I have been talking to someone off MSN and they think I'm just in love with the fact that someone likes me and not actually in love with this person. I think she may be right and that's so sad it's untrue.
God I don't know why I'm rambling on like this when I'm sure none of you care. I guess since I have no real friends to talk to about this stuff it just helps to have some kind of outlet. Hopefully with some people I can befriend again.
I know I messed up on the forums when I started making enemies right left and center and I'd like to apologise now for that. I know it doesn't change the things I typed but an apology is all I can give. I'm sorry. I would especially like to say sorry to Mystique. Everything I said to you were just cheap shots about your looks without any consideration for the actual person I am bad mouthing. NO ONE deserves that and I'm truly sorry although I understand if you don't want to forgive me. I am going to try and change though and be a better person because right now. I'm alone. I'm so alone and as much as I hate to admit it I need you people because I have noone in real life to talk to about anything. I like to think of myself as a good person, a strong person but right now as I type this I am realising all this stuff about myself and I'm scared. I'm scared where I'm going to end up if this is the person I turn out to be years down the road.
I'm all worked up about my lack of friends. I know I messed up and lost my main circle of friends a while back but I've just been dealing with it the best way I can and I only now realise it's the wrong way. I've become a completely anti-social idiot with no friends to just hang out with. And what do I do with this free time? I don't revise for my exams which I'm now sure I'm going to fail. I sit at home. Alone and talk to people I've never even met who hate me just as much as those I have. I don't know how to make new friends though. I always either go quiet because I'm trying to be so perfect and only want to talk about topics I KNOW are going to be hits or I end up spouting off tons of crap that just comes across as a desperate failing attempt at me being funny. I just can't pull it off either way and don't know how to change.
Finally my parents think I'm a dissapointment and I'm going to fail all my exams and not get into uni but I'm not getting into that because I'll end up rambling like the sad b*****d that I am. Not that I haven't been rambling all along. I've messed up so bad and I can't pull it back. I have tried making more friends. I go to a cinema group on Saturdays to produce short films but the people I've bonded with are all older than me and at uni so while they're all off with their friends I'm just this kid they see on Saturday. They just have completely different lifestyles. If I'm lucky I get to talk to them on msn every once and a while but that's it. Remember when I said I went to clubs with them? Well it wasn't them...I was covering for the real people I went with. All of whome were 21 not 18 like them. All friends of my buddy who I love but doesn't love me back. In fact I'm sure i'm just being tagged along. God that's so crap. Plus I have been talking to someone off MSN and they think I'm just in love with the fact that someone likes me and not actually in love with this person. I think she may be right and that's so sad it's untrue.
God I don't know why I'm rambling on like this when I'm sure none of you care. I guess since I have no real friends to talk to about this stuff it just helps to have some kind of outlet. Hopefully with some people I can befriend again.
Page: