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I feel like $h!t...I am holding back the tears (barely) and I don't have a clue what to do. My life is a mess. I don't know what I have done. I am just really anti-social and I hate it. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. I have made enemies of people I don't even know on these forums and I've made enemies of people in reality as I'm sure Don Rocco and Doonhamer will gleefully tell you if they haven't already.
I know I messed up on the forums when I started making enemies right left and center and I'd like to apologise now for that. I know it doesn't change the things I typed but an apology is all I can give. I'm sorry. I would especially like to say sorry to Mystique. Everything I said to you were just cheap shots about your looks without any consideration for the actual person I am bad mouthing. NO ONE deserves that and I'm truly sorry although I understand if you don't want to forgive me. I am going to try and change though and be a better person because right now. I'm alone. I'm so alone and as much as I hate to admit it I need you people because I have noone in real life to talk to about anything. I like to think of myself as a good person, a strong person but right now as I type this I am realising all this stuff about myself and I'm scared. I'm scared where I'm going to end up if this is the person I turn out to be years down the road.
I'm all worked up about my lack of friends. I know I messed up and lost my main circle of friends a while back but I've just been dealing with it the best way I can and I only now realise it's the wrong way. I've become a completely anti-social idiot with no friends to just hang out with. And what do I do with this free time? I don't revise for my exams which I'm now sure I'm going to fail. I sit at home. Alone and talk to people I've never even met who hate me just as much as those I have. I don't know how to make new friends though. I always either go quiet because I'm trying to be so perfect and only want to talk about topics I KNOW are going to be hits or I end up spouting off tons of crap that just comes across as a desperate failing attempt at me being funny. I just can't pull it off either way and don't know how to change.
Finally my parents think I'm a dissapointment and I'm going to fail all my exams and not get into uni but I'm not getting into that because I'll end up rambling like the sad b*****d that I am. Not that I haven't been rambling all along. I've messed up so bad and I can't pull it back. I have tried making more friends. I go to a cinema group on Saturdays to produce short films but the people I've bonded with are all older than me and at uni so while they're all off with their friends I'm just this kid they see on Saturday. They just have completely different lifestyles. If I'm lucky I get to talk to them on msn every once and a while but that's it. Remember when I said I went to clubs with them? Well it wasn't them...I was covering for the real people I went with. All of whome were 21 not 18 like them. All friends of my buddy who I love but doesn't love me back. In fact I'm sure i'm just being tagged along. God that's so crap. Plus I have been talking to someone off MSN and they think I'm just in love with the fact that someone likes me and not actually in love with this person. I think she may be right and that's so sad it's untrue.
God I don't know why I'm rambling on like this when I'm sure none of you care. I guess since I have no real friends to talk to about this stuff it just helps to have some kind of outlet. Hopefully with some people I can befriend again.
I know I messed up on the forums when I started making enemies right left and center and I'd like to apologise now for that. I know it doesn't change the things I typed but an apology is all I can give. I'm sorry. I would especially like to say sorry to Mystique. Everything I said to you were just cheap shots about your looks without any consideration for the actual person I am bad mouthing. NO ONE deserves that and I'm truly sorry although I understand if you don't want to forgive me. I am going to try and change though and be a better person because right now. I'm alone. I'm so alone and as much as I hate to admit it I need you people because I have noone in real life to talk to about anything. I like to think of myself as a good person, a strong person but right now as I type this I am realising all this stuff about myself and I'm scared. I'm scared where I'm going to end up if this is the person I turn out to be years down the road.
I'm all worked up about my lack of friends. I know I messed up and lost my main circle of friends a while back but I've just been dealing with it the best way I can and I only now realise it's the wrong way. I've become a completely anti-social idiot with no friends to just hang out with. And what do I do with this free time? I don't revise for my exams which I'm now sure I'm going to fail. I sit at home. Alone and talk to people I've never even met who hate me just as much as those I have. I don't know how to make new friends though. I always either go quiet because I'm trying to be so perfect and only want to talk about topics I KNOW are going to be hits or I end up spouting off tons of crap that just comes across as a desperate failing attempt at me being funny. I just can't pull it off either way and don't know how to change.
Finally my parents think I'm a dissapointment and I'm going to fail all my exams and not get into uni but I'm not getting into that because I'll end up rambling like the sad b*****d that I am. Not that I haven't been rambling all along. I've messed up so bad and I can't pull it back. I have tried making more friends. I go to a cinema group on Saturdays to produce short films but the people I've bonded with are all older than me and at uni so while they're all off with their friends I'm just this kid they see on Saturday. They just have completely different lifestyles. If I'm lucky I get to talk to them on msn every once and a while but that's it. Remember when I said I went to clubs with them? Well it wasn't them...I was covering for the real people I went with. All of whome were 21 not 18 like them. All friends of my buddy who I love but doesn't love me back. In fact I'm sure i'm just being tagged along. God that's so crap. Plus I have been talking to someone off MSN and they think I'm just in love with the fact that someone likes me and not actually in love with this person. I think she may be right and that's so sad it's untrue.
God I don't know why I'm rambling on like this when I'm sure none of you care. I guess since I have no real friends to talk to about this stuff it just helps to have some kind of outlet. Hopefully with some people I can befriend again.
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Thanks for all the replies. I appreciate it. I am glad you're all being possitive too, I think I need to be around possitive people right now. I value your opinions too. You all seem to know what you're talking about. I would post a fuller reply but I'm just really tired now. I feel physically and mentally exhausted. I'll talk more tomorrow good night and thanks again.
Cub!st wrote:
All friends of my fcuk buddy who I love but doesn't love me
> back. In fact I'm sure i'm just being tagged along. God that's so
> crap.
-----------
See, there's the problem.
A sex-mate is just that, somebody you meet when you're horny. With the complicit understanding that emotions don't enter into it.
I don't see how can she can be tagging you along if it's just sex?
Personally I'd recommend not seeing her if you're starting to think you "love" this person.
Love & sex are two seperate entities altogether - and pay no mind to what syrupy books/women say, it's not "better with somebody you love".
That's for gaymos and women.
As for the rest, it's puberty. Not an easy thing and by no means a breeze, but neither is it the end of the world. Everybody goes through it and comes out the other side.
*shrugs*
I ain't Claire Rayner.
All friends of my fcuk buddy who I love but doesn't love me
> back. In fact I'm sure i'm just being tagged along. God that's so
> crap.
-----------
See, there's the problem.
A sex-mate is just that, somebody you meet when you're horny. With the complicit understanding that emotions don't enter into it.
I don't see how can she can be tagging you along if it's just sex?
Personally I'd recommend not seeing her if you're starting to think you "love" this person.
Love & sex are two seperate entities altogether - and pay no mind to what syrupy books/women say, it's not "better with somebody you love".
That's for gaymos and women.
As for the rest, it's puberty. Not an easy thing and by no means a breeze, but neither is it the end of the world. Everybody goes through it and comes out the other side.
*shrugs*
I ain't Claire Rayner.
Borat, about having to retake the year and a half at uni - was it the same one that you applied for from the start, and what did you have to do in order to stay on?
Cub!st wrote:
> God I don't know why I'm rambling on like this when I'm sure none of
> you care. I guess since I have no real friends to talk to about this
> stuff it just helps to have some kind of outlet. Hopefully with some
> people I can befriend again.
I don't hate you cubist, I don't hate anyone. It's a strong word that should only be used for those who truly do you harm. I may take the mick and put my two penneth in quite often, but I speak my mind. If I disagree with something you do or say, I'll say so.
It just so happens that a lot of the stuff you have been posting on here recently I've thought was garbage. But I post complete crap some/all of the time too, after all I spend way too much time here.
Find yourself a hobby or something where you can meet more people and do things you're really interested in.
And as for getting played like a chump, relationship wise, I know only too well about that. The reason people were ripping you to bits is they all suspected this even though you didn't. Well, that and jealousy of course.
Anyway, don't take things so personally and try and remain optimistic. I am at my wits end with university too, but there's only you who can put the effort in and try and pass it. Waiting for things to magically sort themselves out will never work, I know I've tried it. I was supposed to be at Uni 4 years, it'll be 5 and a half when I finish.
> God I don't know why I'm rambling on like this when I'm sure none of
> you care. I guess since I have no real friends to talk to about this
> stuff it just helps to have some kind of outlet. Hopefully with some
> people I can befriend again.
I don't hate you cubist, I don't hate anyone. It's a strong word that should only be used for those who truly do you harm. I may take the mick and put my two penneth in quite often, but I speak my mind. If I disagree with something you do or say, I'll say so.
It just so happens that a lot of the stuff you have been posting on here recently I've thought was garbage. But I post complete crap some/all of the time too, after all I spend way too much time here.
Find yourself a hobby or something where you can meet more people and do things you're really interested in.
And as for getting played like a chump, relationship wise, I know only too well about that. The reason people were ripping you to bits is they all suspected this even though you didn't. Well, that and jealousy of course.
Anyway, don't take things so personally and try and remain optimistic. I am at my wits end with university too, but there's only you who can put the effort in and try and pass it. Waiting for things to magically sort themselves out will never work, I know I've tried it. I was supposed to be at Uni 4 years, it'll be 5 and a half when I finish.
Flockhart wrote:
> Hmmm ????
> I was her special person for last month.
You were!
> Hmmm ????
> I was her special person for last month.
You were!
Uni is not priority even if you do well alot of people don't go to Uni it doesn't mean the person is a failure, one GOOD friend is better then a bunch of friends you hang out with who would laugh at you and wouldn't help you when your down.
Ms NY wrote:
> It sounds so right! It's too easy to get confused like that. I'm
> exactly the same. You immediately fall in love with someone if they
> show you the slightest bit of attention you so desperately need.
Hmmm ????
I was her special person for last month.
> It sounds so right! It's too easy to get confused like that. I'm
> exactly the same. You immediately fall in love with someone if they
> show you the slightest bit of attention you so desperately need.
Hmmm ????
I was her special person for last month.
UrkiE-UK wrote:
> GNARHHHHRAFF RAFF BARK mother FU**ER
*****
Down, boy, down! And let go of my leg!
> GNARHHHHRAFF RAFF BARK mother FU**ER
*****
Down, boy, down! And let go of my leg!
Cubist - To some degree, I know how you feel.
Offline I'm not the most sociable person - despite wanting to be more social and trying. I just don't know how others can just do it with no trouble at all.
As for the exams - try to concentrate on them. Atleast it's something to occupy your mind with. I'm assuming these are your GCSEs. Even if they're your AS/A levels, consider going straight into work.
Not into some crappy job like McDonalds or similar, you'll just feel more depressed, but somewhere where lots of people work. You may start off being considered the quiet one, but you'll likely find someone to start talking to, who you'll have a laugh with and will get to know them properly. Then you'll start socialising outside of work and mingle with their friends.
I reckon that you'll find Uni rather socially complex. That may be considered the nerd's conclusion, but it can be quite true. People expect a certain ability to socialise with ease in Uni and not everyone can do that no matter how much they want.
Ultimately that's your choice, but make sure you think about it. Uni may also help you socialise. You might find there's someone there just like you who'll need a friend and you'll be able to help each other out.
If you want someone to chat to online - I'm sure one of my MSN contacts would be happy to give you my MSN addy - point them here if they're worried I'll be pished with them. I can't promise I'll be any help, but I'll try.
Offline I'm not the most sociable person - despite wanting to be more social and trying. I just don't know how others can just do it with no trouble at all.
As for the exams - try to concentrate on them. Atleast it's something to occupy your mind with. I'm assuming these are your GCSEs. Even if they're your AS/A levels, consider going straight into work.
Not into some crappy job like McDonalds or similar, you'll just feel more depressed, but somewhere where lots of people work. You may start off being considered the quiet one, but you'll likely find someone to start talking to, who you'll have a laugh with and will get to know them properly. Then you'll start socialising outside of work and mingle with their friends.
I reckon that you'll find Uni rather socially complex. That may be considered the nerd's conclusion, but it can be quite true. People expect a certain ability to socialise with ease in Uni and not everyone can do that no matter how much they want.
Ultimately that's your choice, but make sure you think about it. Uni may also help you socialise. You might find there's someone there just like you who'll need a friend and you'll be able to help each other out.
If you want someone to chat to online - I'm sure one of my MSN contacts would be happy to give you my MSN addy - point them here if they're worried I'll be pished with them. I can't promise I'll be any help, but I'll try.
Timmargh wrote:
> prepare to be ripped to pieces!
GNARHHHHRAFF RAFF BARK mother FU**ER
> prepare to be ripped to pieces!
GNARHHHHRAFF RAFF BARK mother FU**ER
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