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"Happy fluffy kiddie story thingamy No. 2. :-)"

Well... it was meant to be when I started it...

It's still readable by kids but it just wouldn't appeal. I was supposed to make it more comic. :-)
It might put them off throwing tantrums though.


Here's what it is as it ended:

I'll call it:


infact, you lot suggest names and I'll edit one in when I find one that suits! :-)

A hill green
With harmony
Where grass swayed among wind flow
A lad of ten
Played till when
Upon a rock he stubbed his toe


After his cry
It caught his eye
The culprit of his sneering pain
He grabbed devout
To pull it out
Remove the object of his blame


It wouldn't budge
Just raised the grudge
As the boy felt rage swell up inside
And released all this
As a flying fist
A screaming curse echoed far and wide


He kicked, he hit
In a frenzied fit
Blind in anger, til atlast
His arms were bled
His legs felt dead
He collapsed exhausted on the grass


In defeat
He took a seat
Upon the stone to nurse his sores
Whose smooth curved top
Eased away his strop
And the hill found harmony once more

Strafio wrote:
> it's something you did.
> you don't know when
> but you're doing it again...

I like, but it's not his best.

it's something you did.
you don't know when
but you're doing it again...


hehe. I think THIS kid learned his lesson though. ;-)

Anymore title suggestions are welcome though. :-)






By the by, perhaps the kid/adult hybirdy thingamy is what makes it different...

"Look out, kid!" :D

Sorry, I'm obssesed (...I've probably got the Subterranean Homesick Blues, you see....). :P

Strafio wrote:
> Oh, I get it!
>
> If it's not written by a cute Lil Ginge then no one's [bar FFF]
> interested! :-P

As i've only just read it i could hardly comment before now, it's awkward to say who's going to read it because it's a little complicated for kids and adults will rarely go for anything with a kid as it's subject.
Despite all this i liked it.

YAY!!!


You did one!

WOO!

That was completely different to! I was giggling my ass off... sorry if it wasnt meant! I liked it dude, its quite comlex for children but of course it depends what age and audience your trying to reach! Nice one enjoyed it dude


O and im cute now ;)

Not quite as tragic though. ;-)

Funnily enough, I saw it as a kids story muxed ip with adult wording... :-D
Like FFF said. :-D

I dont know if I was meant to but I laughed - it worked well writing something negative in a childish way. Much like Ring-a-ring of roses being sung by children but it's actually about black death.

Oh, I get it!

If it's not written by a cute Lil Ginge then no one's [bar FFF] interested! :-P




Paradox got it right the first time! :-D

It's their faults for being so small and stupid

Yeah. That's where it went sort of wrong! :-)

I think there's enough there for them to get the giest and moral behind it though, just! :-)