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Following the recent horrific bombing of rush-hour trains in Spain, President George W Bush gave an historic press conference outside of Camp David where he had retreated for the week to do jigsaws and potato-paintings of tanks.
Standing sombrely safely within the camp, President Bush began his speech, pausing only for dramatic effect and the correct pronunciations of really big words through his ear-piece.
“Ladies and Generalmen, what happened in France is a terrible, terrible act of despicable terror. We show our support and solidarity with that brave country by doing absolutely nothing and privately using this as an excuse to ramp up the Home Protection Act, which gives us powers to look into your brains with big space lasers and see if you are a communist. But rest assured, Al-Queda is to blame. Not ETA or other minor separatist terror groups operating for almost 40 years. Nope, it’s Al-Queda without doubt. I have here some intelligence that proves, beyond any pail of a doubt, that those evil Arabs did it.”
(at this point, it should be noted that President Bush showed an impressively thick sheaf of papers, which he wiggled aloft like a newborn baby. But a baby made of paper and badly-researched intelligence from 12 year old thesis reports downloaded with Kazak)
“So you can see, our detention of people that couldn’t run away fast enough in Afghanhoundiran is entirely justified. Now, I’m aware that major media outlets around the world are criticising Camp X-Ray for torturing people held without charge for over two years. But the actions of evil killer Muslims today prove that surely it’s safer to snatch and torture innocent civilians away from your prying, do-goody eyes than it is to simply let this happen.
Ok, so it did happen despite the moral outrage and international condemnation of the tactics and treatments in Guantanemo. And I grant you, it would appear that the terror attacks in Germany today do indicate that our actions in detaining people without charge indefinitely would actually appear to be doing nothing at all to combat terrorism. But surely you can see how it might be a good thing, and today that is what this is all about.
Al-Queda is an evil, barbaric group and I can conclusively report that they are to blame for everything in the entire world. Take it from me and pa, Hussein was only the first. Many many more former CIA-backed dictators will be brought to justice and whisked to godknows where.
So, Al-Queda does all the bad things in the world. And we suggest that you stay indoors and watch quality entertainment shows on Fox Network and drink lots and lots of alcohol to keep you stupid and oblivious. And should you feel the need to fear and loathe anybody not White Anglo-Saxon, then we shall assist you by creating lots and lots of big movies with Muslims, Arabs and darkies as the villains.
You have nothing to fear but evil-eyed immigrants who wish to do you harm, steal your grandmother and possibly want to borrow your hedge-strimmer and never give it back.”
Following this press conference, most major news networks decided to agree with the unofficial suggestion from government to not report the recently-freed innocent British civilians held without charge and subjected to mental/physical torture. They also agreed to never ever mention Saddam Hussein, indeed a recent poll shows that 87% of the public have completely forgotten about the now-disappeared former “Most Evil Man in The World”.
Chuck Deadweight, 43, said “Hell, ah figured that Hoo-sayn was dead. We saw that eye-raki being yanked from the ground like a weed and stuff, but since then there’s been nothin’ on the toob ‘cept war movies and adverts for beer”
Prime Minster Tony Blair was asked for his opinion, and offered little of interest in between that insincere, crocodile-smile he employs when feeling pressured.
He also refused to comment on the vandal that broke into the House of Commons and scrawled on the despatch box “Blair is a c###” (as in today’s Daily Mail, Express and Times).
Al-Queda spokesman, Neruh-Al-Jihad expressed outrage at the attacks in Spain.
“It sucks man, we’re getting blamed for that and everything else. I swear, we’re the bogeyman now. Used to be, after September 11th, you heard Al-Queda and were afraid. But now we’re responsible for everything from obesity in Americans to the decline in quality of recent Simpson episodes, people are losing the fear and respect we crave. It’s like, the boy who cried Camel and stuff. Pretty soon, Al-Queda will mean nothing, and we’ll have to strike with even more horrific attacks just to keep our membership in the Evil Groups Club”
When asked if the constant linking of Al-Queda to every single little incident anywhere on the planet would mean that, eventually, people thought of them as little more than a footnote in history, instead of the threat that they are, President Bush had this to say:
”Remember the Ayotollah? He was evil for a bit. As was Gadaffi. We used to hate those guys, but after a couple decades of insurgence, US-backed death squads and the rigging of elections to ensure a West-friendly dictator was installed, we like them now. Trust me, in 10 years from now, we’ll be inviting Bin-Laden back to America to chat to Rumsfeld again, like we did with Hussein in the 1980s. Right during his gassing period, strangely! It’s a wacky world I tells ya!”
A poll conducted with the British public to ascertain their feelings on the “War” on terror revealed that the average Briton was more concerned over who would win Big Brother and what happened in Eastenders.
Sociology Professor Dr. Hfuurrhhurrr was quoted as saying “Classic Ostrich syndrome, with the head in the sand and pretending everything is ok, things will never change. As long as it isn’t happening on their doorstep, nobody seems to care really.”
Indeed, it would appear that people are only too happy to read scare stories in tabloid newspapers and view strangers with fear and suspicion.
The Daily Mail knew exactly who is to blame in a 3-page pullout entitled
”Gays! Evil single mum muslim gays die die die”.
This article played up to the stereotype of the illegal immigrant smuggling themselves over inside a banana to move in next door to your granny and try to tempt her into Islam with a nice bit of fish (probably a BOMBFISH!!!!) and also managed to suggest that teenagers having sex were part of the problem.
As it stands, the recent attacks in Spain are being laid firmly at the door of Al-Queda. Whilst this does provide a decent excuse to bump the story of tortured, innocent civilians from the national conscience, it also allows a climate of bigotry, misunderstanding, hate and fear to prevail.
But don’t worry, because Eastenders may be going 5 nights a week soon.
So stay indoors, consume the opiate programming and be safe in the knowledge that your government is combating the war on terror.
By encouraging ignorance, rewarding stupidity and from refusing to even consider spending the billions they do on weapons on educating and helping the poor, young members of a culture that views The West with suspicion, hatred and fear.
A cycle that will never end as long as you keep swallowing lies and excuses instead of demanding action.
Standing sombrely safely within the camp, President Bush began his speech, pausing only for dramatic effect and the correct pronunciations of really big words through his ear-piece.
“Ladies and Generalmen, what happened in France is a terrible, terrible act of despicable terror. We show our support and solidarity with that brave country by doing absolutely nothing and privately using this as an excuse to ramp up the Home Protection Act, which gives us powers to look into your brains with big space lasers and see if you are a communist. But rest assured, Al-Queda is to blame. Not ETA or other minor separatist terror groups operating for almost 40 years. Nope, it’s Al-Queda without doubt. I have here some intelligence that proves, beyond any pail of a doubt, that those evil Arabs did it.”
(at this point, it should be noted that President Bush showed an impressively thick sheaf of papers, which he wiggled aloft like a newborn baby. But a baby made of paper and badly-researched intelligence from 12 year old thesis reports downloaded with Kazak)
“So you can see, our detention of people that couldn’t run away fast enough in Afghanhoundiran is entirely justified. Now, I’m aware that major media outlets around the world are criticising Camp X-Ray for torturing people held without charge for over two years. But the actions of evil killer Muslims today prove that surely it’s safer to snatch and torture innocent civilians away from your prying, do-goody eyes than it is to simply let this happen.
Ok, so it did happen despite the moral outrage and international condemnation of the tactics and treatments in Guantanemo. And I grant you, it would appear that the terror attacks in Germany today do indicate that our actions in detaining people without charge indefinitely would actually appear to be doing nothing at all to combat terrorism. But surely you can see how it might be a good thing, and today that is what this is all about.
Al-Queda is an evil, barbaric group and I can conclusively report that they are to blame for everything in the entire world. Take it from me and pa, Hussein was only the first. Many many more former CIA-backed dictators will be brought to justice and whisked to godknows where.
So, Al-Queda does all the bad things in the world. And we suggest that you stay indoors and watch quality entertainment shows on Fox Network and drink lots and lots of alcohol to keep you stupid and oblivious. And should you feel the need to fear and loathe anybody not White Anglo-Saxon, then we shall assist you by creating lots and lots of big movies with Muslims, Arabs and darkies as the villains.
You have nothing to fear but evil-eyed immigrants who wish to do you harm, steal your grandmother and possibly want to borrow your hedge-strimmer and never give it back.”
Following this press conference, most major news networks decided to agree with the unofficial suggestion from government to not report the recently-freed innocent British civilians held without charge and subjected to mental/physical torture. They also agreed to never ever mention Saddam Hussein, indeed a recent poll shows that 87% of the public have completely forgotten about the now-disappeared former “Most Evil Man in The World”.
Chuck Deadweight, 43, said “Hell, ah figured that Hoo-sayn was dead. We saw that eye-raki being yanked from the ground like a weed and stuff, but since then there’s been nothin’ on the toob ‘cept war movies and adverts for beer”
Prime Minster Tony Blair was asked for his opinion, and offered little of interest in between that insincere, crocodile-smile he employs when feeling pressured.
He also refused to comment on the vandal that broke into the House of Commons and scrawled on the despatch box “Blair is a c###” (as in today’s Daily Mail, Express and Times).
Al-Queda spokesman, Neruh-Al-Jihad expressed outrage at the attacks in Spain.
“It sucks man, we’re getting blamed for that and everything else. I swear, we’re the bogeyman now. Used to be, after September 11th, you heard Al-Queda and were afraid. But now we’re responsible for everything from obesity in Americans to the decline in quality of recent Simpson episodes, people are losing the fear and respect we crave. It’s like, the boy who cried Camel and stuff. Pretty soon, Al-Queda will mean nothing, and we’ll have to strike with even more horrific attacks just to keep our membership in the Evil Groups Club”
When asked if the constant linking of Al-Queda to every single little incident anywhere on the planet would mean that, eventually, people thought of them as little more than a footnote in history, instead of the threat that they are, President Bush had this to say:
”Remember the Ayotollah? He was evil for a bit. As was Gadaffi. We used to hate those guys, but after a couple decades of insurgence, US-backed death squads and the rigging of elections to ensure a West-friendly dictator was installed, we like them now. Trust me, in 10 years from now, we’ll be inviting Bin-Laden back to America to chat to Rumsfeld again, like we did with Hussein in the 1980s. Right during his gassing period, strangely! It’s a wacky world I tells ya!”
A poll conducted with the British public to ascertain their feelings on the “War” on terror revealed that the average Briton was more concerned over who would win Big Brother and what happened in Eastenders.
Sociology Professor Dr. Hfuurrhhurrr was quoted as saying “Classic Ostrich syndrome, with the head in the sand and pretending everything is ok, things will never change. As long as it isn’t happening on their doorstep, nobody seems to care really.”
Indeed, it would appear that people are only too happy to read scare stories in tabloid newspapers and view strangers with fear and suspicion.
The Daily Mail knew exactly who is to blame in a 3-page pullout entitled
”Gays! Evil single mum muslim gays die die die”.
This article played up to the stereotype of the illegal immigrant smuggling themselves over inside a banana to move in next door to your granny and try to tempt her into Islam with a nice bit of fish (probably a BOMBFISH!!!!) and also managed to suggest that teenagers having sex were part of the problem.
As it stands, the recent attacks in Spain are being laid firmly at the door of Al-Queda. Whilst this does provide a decent excuse to bump the story of tortured, innocent civilians from the national conscience, it also allows a climate of bigotry, misunderstanding, hate and fear to prevail.
But don’t worry, because Eastenders may be going 5 nights a week soon.
So stay indoors, consume the opiate programming and be safe in the knowledge that your government is combating the war on terror.
By encouraging ignorance, rewarding stupidity and from refusing to even consider spending the billions they do on weapons on educating and helping the poor, young members of a culture that views The West with suspicion, hatred and fear.
A cycle that will never end as long as you keep swallowing lies and excuses instead of demanding action.
Page:
I know I shouldn't laugh....
But Light is correct, the joke was on me, him and a couple others.
And I fell for it hook, line & sinker like a good little fishy. Then I realised what was going on and, red-faced, admitted he got me good.
Then Belldandy suffered from a mentalmeltdown and, it appeared, proceeded to blindly strike the keyboard through the salty tears of solitude.
And damn right I was outraged that an intelligent, witty poster should be banned for mocking me when I didn't complain and, in fact, accepted the genius of being made to look stupid like that.
T'was you, dear Dandy, who spammed the forums like an over-excited toddler with a Stars "n" Stripes stuck up his ass.
And the best bit?
IB wasn't even banned.
But Light is correct, the joke was on me, him and a couple others.
And I fell for it hook, line & sinker like a good little fishy. Then I realised what was going on and, red-faced, admitted he got me good.
Then Belldandy suffered from a mentalmeltdown and, it appeared, proceeded to blindly strike the keyboard through the salty tears of solitude.
And damn right I was outraged that an intelligent, witty poster should be banned for mocking me when I didn't complain and, in fact, accepted the genius of being made to look stupid like that.
T'was you, dear Dandy, who spammed the forums like an over-excited toddler with a Stars "n" Stripes stuck up his ass.
And the best bit?
IB wasn't even banned.
Stranger In Paradise wrote:
>
> In fact Snuggly did as well.
Actually, Snuggly did whatever would restore the peace quickest. I didn't agree with it, but as both he and IB did....
>
> Because Snuggly banned IB, and Light and Goatboy both made outraged
> posts about the banning...
That's right we did; we were both gobsmacked that someone who played a joke on 3 people (myself, Goatboy, and the flabbyass fool who forgets to change his tagline...) could get banned when 2 people react to the joke by going "Ahh, you got me! Nice one." and 1 person reacts by posting a long winded and self important "How DARE he make fun of me!" post followed by spending an afternoon spamming about it.
Heheheheheh...your cowardice constantly amazes me Bell. In fact, the only thing that would possibly surprise me more than the deeper depths of gutlessness that you can plumb seemingly at will, would be the news that you're going on a diet.
>
> BTW It's actually going to be "IB was guilty".
Oh, I see. So how come you got it wrong in the first place lunchbox? Did your big ol' sausage fingers mash the keyboard all wrong?
>
> In fact Snuggly did as well.
Actually, Snuggly did whatever would restore the peace quickest. I didn't agree with it, but as both he and IB did....
>
> Because Snuggly banned IB, and Light and Goatboy both made outraged
> posts about the banning...
That's right we did; we were both gobsmacked that someone who played a joke on 3 people (myself, Goatboy, and the flabbyass fool who forgets to change his tagline...) could get banned when 2 people react to the joke by going "Ahh, you got me! Nice one." and 1 person reacts by posting a long winded and self important "How DARE he make fun of me!" post followed by spending an afternoon spamming about it.
Heheheheheh...your cowardice constantly amazes me Bell. In fact, the only thing that would possibly surprise me more than the deeper depths of gutlessness that you can plumb seemingly at will, would be the news that you're going on a diet.
>
> BTW It's actually going to be "IB was guilty".
Oh, I see. So how come you got it wrong in the first place lunchbox? Did your big ol' sausage fingers mash the keyboard all wrong?
Mr Snuggly wrote:
> Everyone knows IB i s guilty.
In fact Snuggly did as well.
Because Snuggly banned IB, and Light and Goatboy both made outraged posts about the banning...
BTW It's actually going to be "IB was guilty".
> Everyone knows IB i s guilty.
In fact Snuggly did as well.
Because Snuggly banned IB, and Light and Goatboy both made outraged posts about the banning...
BTW It's actually going to be "IB was guilty".
Goatboy wrote:
> Did anyone else think of a whiny Yul Brynner in Westworld when the
> Yankbot bust a head-gasket and spamfrenzied the forums that day?
Nah, cos Yul Brynner is cool. Actually, I thought more like Otto from A Fish Called Wanda.
IB is Guilty = Don't call me stupid
> Did anyone else think of a whiny Yul Brynner in Westworld when the
> Yankbot bust a head-gasket and spamfrenzied the forums that day?
Nah, cos Yul Brynner is cool. Actually, I thought more like Otto from A Fish Called Wanda.
IB is Guilty = Don't call me stupid
IBi s guilty
IBi s guilty
IBi s guilty
----
Did anyone else think of a whiny Yul Brynner in Westworld when the Yankbot bust a head-gasket and spamfrenzied the forums that day?
IBi s guilty
IBi s guilty
----
Did anyone else think of a whiny Yul Brynner in Westworld when the Yankbot bust a head-gasket and spamfrenzied the forums that day?
Everyone knows IB i s guilty.
I just heard it was al quaeda who ordered opal fruits to be called starburst, i am investigating claims that they also killed the marathon bar.
Am I still the apprentice? I quite enjoyed that. I may return to the role, see if I can bring anything fresh to it.
Yep.
Somebody that has labelled Sheepy "retard", Hedfix "monkey" and Timmargh as "waster" can hardly be sniffly over somebody that he's already claimed to be "playing" calling him names.
And we won't even mention the "middle-aged" cracks at myself.
Glass houses and all that.
Somebody that has labelled Sheepy "retard", Hedfix "monkey" and Timmargh as "waster" can hardly be sniffly over somebody that he's already claimed to be "playing" calling him names.
And we won't even mention the "middle-aged" cracks at myself.
Glass houses and all that.
And that's that
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