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"They say if you lay down with dogs, you get up with fleas. Well I laid down with a right dog after a beach party in Magaluf last summer, and fleas would have been a f****** blessing compared to what I got up with" - M.Earcat, Bargoed
"My mate told me that his pitbull terrier's bark was worse than its bite. Well, after plastic surgery and 132 stitches to the back of my leg, I am dreading hearing it bark, I can tell you" - Christopher Hampshire, Bristol
"In amongst some old Jazz mags I was chucking out, I recently found an old copy of Viz, in which you refer to the queen mum as a 'coffin dodger'. I bet you feel foolish now ..." - Mike Spiers, e-mail
"I saw an advert for Oil of Ulay that said it could make anyone look 10 years younger. RUBBISH! I put some on my 9 year old daughter, and she didn't look minus 1" - Mike Mirkin, e-mail
MEH
"They say if you lay down with dogs, you get up with fleas. Well I laid down with a right dog after a beach party in Magaluf last summer, and fleas would have been a f****** blessing compared to what I got up with" - M.Earcat, Bargoed
"My mate told me that his pitbull terrier's bark was worse than its bite. Well, after plastic surgery and 132 stitches to the back of my leg, I am dreading hearing it bark, I can tell you" - Christopher Hampshire, Bristol
"In amongst some old Jazz mags I was chucking out, I recently found an old copy of Viz, in which you refer to the queen mum as a 'coffin dodger'. I bet you feel foolish now ..." - Mike Spiers, e-mail
"I saw an advert for Oil of Ulay that said it could make anyone look 10 years younger. RUBBISH! I put some on my 9 year old daughter, and she didn't look minus 1" - Mike Mirkin, e-mail
MEH