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"tell me jokes"

a lady was driving down the road behind a truck on a icy day they came to traffic lights and she got out of her car, went up to the truck driver and said, excuse me i think your shedding your load. he looked at her nooddeed upwards and smiled. she went back to her car and they carried on driving. at the next set of lights she got out and repeated her message to him, he replied again wih a smile and another nod.
this happens two more time and then at the third stop she is very angry that he does not take her advice, and demands to know why he does not do anything. he just smiles and nods up.
she stares up and notices a sighn on the truck just above his head.
what did the sighn say????

i will tell u at 4.30 untill then try guessing
@slice

Tim was walking home one night when all of a sudden a theif jumped on him.They began to wrestle and eventually the theif managed to pin Tim down. The theif searched Tim's pockets but all he could find was 25p.The theif was so suprised that he asked Tim why he put up such a fight for only 25p.
Tim replied, "Was that all you wanted? I thought you were after the 500 quid in my shoe!"

A man is standing at a bus stop eating sausage and chips when a woman turns up with a dog.The dog is very excited at the smell of sausage and chips and starts barking like crazy. "Shall I throw him a bit?" says the man.
"If you like," says the woman.
So he chucked the dog over the wall......

Almighty Beer Can wrote:
> Timmargh wrote:
> A duck walks into a bar and asks the barman: "Got any
> bread?"
> The barman replies: "No."
> The duck says: "Got any bread?"
> The barman replies: "No."
> The duck says: "Got any bread?"
> The barman replies: "No!"
> The duck says: "Got any bread?"
> The barman replies: "NO!"
> The duck says: "Got any bread?"
> The barman replies: "NO! ARE YOU DEAF?!?"
> The duck says: "Got any bread?"
> The barman replies: "NO!! STOP ASKING FOR BREAD - I HAVEN'T GOT
> ANY!!"
> The duck says: "Got any bread?"
> The barman replies: "NO!! NO!! NO!!"
> The duck says: "Got any bread?"
> The barman replies: "NOOOOOOOOO!!!!"
> The duck says: "Got any bread?"
> The barman replies: "IF YOU ASK ME FOR F***ING BREAD ONE MORE
> F***ING TIME I'M GONNA F***ING NAIL YOUR F***ING BILL TO THE F***ING
> BAR!!!!"
> The duck says: "Got any nails?"
> The barman replies: "No."
> The duck says: "Got any bread?"
>
> Ha Ha Classic!I'm qouting in case the thread goes to fast.

What is it about quoteing everyone

Timmargh wrote:
> A duck walks into a bar and asks the barman: "Got any
> bread?"
> The barman replies: "No."
> The duck says: "Got any bread?"
> The barman replies: "No."
> The duck says: "Got any bread?"
> The barman replies: "No!"
> The duck says: "Got any bread?"
> The barman replies: "NO!"
> The duck says: "Got any bread?"
> The barman replies: "NO! ARE YOU DEAF?!?"
> The duck says: "Got any bread?"
> The barman replies: "NO!! STOP ASKING FOR BREAD - I HAVEN'T GOT
> ANY!!"
> The duck says: "Got any bread?"
> The barman replies: "NO!! NO!! NO!!"
> The duck says: "Got any bread?"
> The barman replies: "NOOOOOOOOO!!!!"
> The duck says: "Got any bread?"
> The barman replies: "IF YOU ASK ME FOR F***ING BREAD ONE MORE
> F***ING TIME I'M GONNA F***ING NAIL YOUR F***ING BILL TO THE F***ING
> BAR!!!!"
> The duck says: "Got any nails?"
> The barman replies: "No."
> The duck says: "Got any bread?"

Ha Ha Classic!I'm qouting in case the thread goes to fast.

This one is not too funny.But its a joke.
There was once a lady who had identical twin boys whom she named Amal and Juan.Unfortunately their mother could not look after them so she had to give them up for adoption.One couple adopted Juan and moved to Spain.Another couple adoted Amal and moved to Australia.Ten years later Juan sent his Birth Mother a letter and a picture of himself.The Mother told her Husband she wished that Amal would send a picture too.The Husband said,"Whats the point? When you've seen Juan you've seen Amal!"

A duck walks into a bar and asks the barman: "Got any bread?"
The barman replies: "No."
The duck says: "Got any bread?"
The barman replies: "No."
The duck says: "Got any bread?"
The barman replies: "No!"
The duck says: "Got any bread?"
The barman replies: "NO!"
The duck says: "Got any bread?"
The barman replies: "NO! ARE YOU DEAF?!?"
The duck says: "Got any bread?"
The barman replies: "NO!! STOP ASKING FOR BREAD - I HAVEN'T GOT ANY!!"
The duck says: "Got any bread?"
The barman replies: "NO!! NO!! NO!!"
The duck says: "Got any bread?"
The barman replies: "NOOOOOOOOO!!!!"
The duck says: "Got any bread?"
The barman replies: "IF YOU ASK ME FOR F***ING BREAD ONE MORE F***ING TIME I'M GONNA F***ING NAIL YOUR F***ING BILL TO THE F***ING BAR!!!!"
The duck says: "Got any nails?"
The barman replies: "No."
The duck says: "Got any bread?"

Icarus wrote:
> Sigh.
>
> A farmhand is driving 'round the farm, checking the fences. After a
> few minutes he radios his boss and says, "Boss, I've got a
> problem. I hit a pig on the road and he's stuck in the bull-bars of
> my truck. He's still wriggling — what should I do?''
> "In the back of your truck there's a shotgun. Shoot the pig in
> the head and when it stops wriggling you can pull it out and throw it
> in a bush."
>
> The farm worker agrees and signs off. About 10 minutes later he
> radios back. "Boss I did what you said, I shot the pig and
> dragged it out and threw it in a bush."
>
> "So what's the problem now?" his Boss snapped.
>
> "The blue light on his bike is still flashing!"

Brilliant!

Sigh.

A farmhand is driving 'round the farm, checking the fences. After a few minutes he radios his boss and says, "Boss, I've got a problem. I hit a pig on the road and he's stuck in the bull-bars of my truck. He's still wriggling — what should I do?''
"In the back of your truck there's a shotgun. Shoot the pig in the head and when it stops wriggling you can pull it out and throw it in a bush."

The farm worker agrees and signs off. About 10 minutes later he radios back. "Boss I did what you said, I shot the pig and dragged it out and threw it in a bush."

"So what's the problem now?" his Boss snapped.

"The blue light on his bike is still flashing!"

i got some,
An Englishman,an Irishman and a Scotsman were inside a pub,talking about there sons."My son was born on St Georges day," commented the Englishman,"so we obviously decided to call him George."
"Thats a real coincedence,"remarked the Scot."My son was born on St Andrews day so we obviously decided to call him Andrew."
"Thats incredible ,what a coincedence,"said the Irishman.
"Exactly the same thing happened with my son,Pancake."

A Bloke goes to the Barber and asks for a haircut like Ricky Martin.Ten minutes later, his hair is a disaster area, shaved bald down the middle with tufts on either side.The Bloke gasps as he sees himself in the mirror."Ricky Martin doesnt have his hair cut like this!" he protested.
"He would if he came in here," said the Barber.

A man walks into a club and asks for a drink.The barman refuses because the man has already had one to many.So the man says "ok then can i play darts instead?" The Barman says "No Way,you could have someones eye out in your condition!" The man replied,"Just give me one chance.If i miss,i'll leave."
The Barman agrees, just to get rid of him.
The man throws the dart and it hits the Bulls-Eye.The Barman says "Congratulations! You have one first prize!" So the man says,"Whats my prize?" The Bartender had bought a pet turtle for his son, so he gave that to the man.The man goes home and comes back again the next day.There is a different Barman that night, and the man is as drunk as he'd been the night before, so when he asks if he can play darts, the Barman refuses.The man says "But I won first prize yesterday!"
The Barman asks "What was your prize?"
The man replies" A Hamburger!"

Pliskin wrote:
> I still don't get slice's one

If you use the correct punch-line, i.e. FFF's, then it could be considered mildly amusing by someone with not much of a sense of humour.

I still don't get slice's one