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When joining the SR forums, most people will fall into the much hated "newbie" category. While other posters will go on to become fully functioning members, the vast majority will simply spam their way to being banned faster than Shaneo on a newly opened account.
The bread and butter of any forum, the annoying newbies pour in thick and fast. Displaying the mental capacities of somebody who has just downed half a bottle of cheap, imported wine, all of their posts will be about as on topic as talking about hardcore porn in a monastery. Grammatically amusing, their ramblings will not adhere to any particular topic, they're just sort of... there. For the sake of it.
The only rule to being an annoying newbie is that there aren't any rules. Anything goes, including their dignity.
The best part of being an annoying newbie is joy of choosing a name. Classics such as "12345678910" and "PS2roxorz!" will always make people stand up and notice them. The tagline is also important, something to let the other posters know where their allegiance lies. "Xboxsuxorz!1" is a good one.
Any thought that pops into their simply minds will instantly be posted, regardless of what time it is or how many death threats they have received up to that point. No matter how much crap spews from their keyboards, they will always be shocked and angered by the flames from other posters, and will soon claim they are being bullied for no good reason (see: Games Girl)
Any post that gets ignored will constantly be moved to the top by their own replies, or simply posted again in every other forum. Because, of course, people want questions about what they ate for breakfast in the Movies, Music, TV and Books forum. Hi-jacking other threads with their inane rambling is another tactic they subscribe to, as is quoting entire posts without actually adding a reply. Because having a high word count is as important as oxygen to these people.
Text talk will make up the majority of their posts, along with an infinite supply of "lol"s. People who complain they can't read "txt tlk" will, in turn, be flamed by the newbie because "dey so stoopad".
Female newbies are becoming quite common on the forums. Names like “cute girl” and “sxy!” are bound to get pulses racing. With constant posts about certain male games characters being cute, what their puppy got up to over the weekend and how GREAT their boyfriends are “omg i be wiv him two weeks he want to maryr me, he 22, i 14, i so excited? i love him!!!” they will soon have everyone eating out of their (probably male) hands.
The overall stupidity of the forums skyrockets every time they appear. Other newbies, sensing a female presence on the forums, will go to great lengths to chat up the girls, showing off their great use of grammar and their knowledge of games.
Some newbies don't have the coherency to put together a post of their own, so after a while will adopt the "flaming newbie" stance, a great choice for those who don't have anything of any worth to contribute. These posters cannot go three words without some mention of homosexuality, a poster's mother, human waste or how much a certain console "sux". They will vaguely address the subject at hand, but cleverly disguise it behind a slew of insults aimed at all those involved in the thread, even other newbies (bashing newbies will make the regulars accept them, but they don't actually want that, because "regulars suck")
Flaming everyone and everything in sight, they will only let up slightly when somebody actually agrees with them. Then that person will be flamed twice as bad for showing allegiance to another console.
Insulting posters for asking for help is the best way to go about being branded a flaming newbie, and while some may just constantly reply "1 word - google" in response to people asking for help finding something, others will simply tell them they suck and offer no guidance at all.
Another faction of the annoying newbie is the zealot. With blind devotion to one company, they take loving the PS2 and hating the Gamecube to another, almost scary, level. Militaristic and willing to be annoying AND flame, the zealot newbie is the ultimate newbie. The uber newbie, if you will. They have “insider information” on all the new games and the next console by their favourite company (their best mate Dave works for Sony, developing processors, don’t you know) The mere notion of playing on another console will cause an outburst of profanity, followed by “Sony rulez!” repeated over and over again.
All of these kinds of newbies are likely to plug their unfinished website, post made up cheats, walkthroughs ripped directly from gamefaqs.com, reviews from "PS2 roxorz" magazine and show that they are currently failing in English. They will also demand SR sell certain items cheaper because they saw a second hand shop down the Grainger market selling a battered PS2 controller for £5, require Snuggly to update the GAD winners list every 0.3 seconds, ask for GAD prizes simply for being on the top posters list and expect SR staff to reply to their every request before they've even finished typing it.
The newbie will continue spamming and annoying until they are warned. Of course, this is like kicking a bull in the nads and then dangling a red flag in front of their angry, snorting face, since warning the newbie will only cause them to spam, swear and annoy people even more. Their life on the SR forums will come to an untimely end (though not soon enough for the other members) when they are finally banned. Of course, this won't stop them, as they will continue coming back under new aliases until they get bored and descend on the next message board like locusts stalking a corn field. Good riddance.
The bread and butter of any forum, the annoying newbies pour in thick and fast. Displaying the mental capacities of somebody who has just downed half a bottle of cheap, imported wine, all of their posts will be about as on topic as talking about hardcore porn in a monastery. Grammatically amusing, their ramblings will not adhere to any particular topic, they're just sort of... there. For the sake of it.
The only rule to being an annoying newbie is that there aren't any rules. Anything goes, including their dignity.
The best part of being an annoying newbie is joy of choosing a name. Classics such as "12345678910" and "PS2roxorz!" will always make people stand up and notice them. The tagline is also important, something to let the other posters know where their allegiance lies. "Xboxsuxorz!1" is a good one.
Any thought that pops into their simply minds will instantly be posted, regardless of what time it is or how many death threats they have received up to that point. No matter how much crap spews from their keyboards, they will always be shocked and angered by the flames from other posters, and will soon claim they are being bullied for no good reason (see: Games Girl)
Any post that gets ignored will constantly be moved to the top by their own replies, or simply posted again in every other forum. Because, of course, people want questions about what they ate for breakfast in the Movies, Music, TV and Books forum. Hi-jacking other threads with their inane rambling is another tactic they subscribe to, as is quoting entire posts without actually adding a reply. Because having a high word count is as important as oxygen to these people.
Text talk will make up the majority of their posts, along with an infinite supply of "lol"s. People who complain they can't read "txt tlk" will, in turn, be flamed by the newbie because "dey so stoopad".
Female newbies are becoming quite common on the forums. Names like “cute girl” and “sxy!” are bound to get pulses racing. With constant posts about certain male games characters being cute, what their puppy got up to over the weekend and how GREAT their boyfriends are “omg i be wiv him two weeks he want to maryr me, he 22, i 14, i so excited? i love him!!!” they will soon have everyone eating out of their (probably male) hands.
The overall stupidity of the forums skyrockets every time they appear. Other newbies, sensing a female presence on the forums, will go to great lengths to chat up the girls, showing off their great use of grammar and their knowledge of games.
Some newbies don't have the coherency to put together a post of their own, so after a while will adopt the "flaming newbie" stance, a great choice for those who don't have anything of any worth to contribute. These posters cannot go three words without some mention of homosexuality, a poster's mother, human waste or how much a certain console "sux". They will vaguely address the subject at hand, but cleverly disguise it behind a slew of insults aimed at all those involved in the thread, even other newbies (bashing newbies will make the regulars accept them, but they don't actually want that, because "regulars suck")
Flaming everyone and everything in sight, they will only let up slightly when somebody actually agrees with them. Then that person will be flamed twice as bad for showing allegiance to another console.
Insulting posters for asking for help is the best way to go about being branded a flaming newbie, and while some may just constantly reply "1 word - google" in response to people asking for help finding something, others will simply tell them they suck and offer no guidance at all.
Another faction of the annoying newbie is the zealot. With blind devotion to one company, they take loving the PS2 and hating the Gamecube to another, almost scary, level. Militaristic and willing to be annoying AND flame, the zealot newbie is the ultimate newbie. The uber newbie, if you will. They have “insider information” on all the new games and the next console by their favourite company (their best mate Dave works for Sony, developing processors, don’t you know) The mere notion of playing on another console will cause an outburst of profanity, followed by “Sony rulez!” repeated over and over again.
All of these kinds of newbies are likely to plug their unfinished website, post made up cheats, walkthroughs ripped directly from gamefaqs.com, reviews from "PS2 roxorz" magazine and show that they are currently failing in English. They will also demand SR sell certain items cheaper because they saw a second hand shop down the Grainger market selling a battered PS2 controller for £5, require Snuggly to update the GAD winners list every 0.3 seconds, ask for GAD prizes simply for being on the top posters list and expect SR staff to reply to their every request before they've even finished typing it.
The newbie will continue spamming and annoying until they are warned. Of course, this is like kicking a bull in the nads and then dangling a red flag in front of their angry, snorting face, since warning the newbie will only cause them to spam, swear and annoy people even more. Their life on the SR forums will come to an untimely end (though not soon enough for the other members) when they are finally banned. Of course, this won't stop them, as they will continue coming back under new aliases until they get bored and descend on the next message board like locusts stalking a corn field. Good riddance.
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So you don't like us then?
I must admit i did consider quoting that rant but i thought better of it.Everybody has got to start somewhere,i have to admit i'm guilty of some of the above charges,however i'm learning the unwritten rules.
I usually try to be polite but it doesn't help when regular provoke me because of my status.
I don't go out of my to be inflamatory,however i find that the anonymity allows me to say whats on my mind without editing,it doesn't help being shouted down without explanation when you post something the regulars dont like.
Lastly it is my intention to continue posting here and will do so as long as i've got something to say.
HOPING FOR ACCEPTANCE AND RESPECT
FLOCKHART
I must admit i did consider quoting that rant but i thought better of it.Everybody has got to start somewhere,i have to admit i'm guilty of some of the above charges,however i'm learning the unwritten rules.
I usually try to be polite but it doesn't help when regular provoke me because of my status.
I don't go out of my to be inflamatory,however i find that the anonymity allows me to say whats on my mind without editing,it doesn't help being shouted down without explanation when you post something the regulars dont like.
Lastly it is my intention to continue posting here and will do so as long as i've got something to say.
HOPING FOR ACCEPTANCE AND RESPECT
FLOCKHART
But would WE want it any other way?!
Imagine if the clever newbie wasn't actually up there with Yeti and Nessy in terms of mythical creatures. Imagine the shame we would all feel if there was a clever newbie, one who could tell us things.
To us, newbies reaffirm our place on the food chain, they remind us that we are a rung or two up.
It can also do my conscience good, like when I make an effort to be nice and teach them something, to help fill their little minds, to open their eyes.
If there was no newbies there would be fewer people to impress upon the brillance of some things. Every fool has heard of Enter The Matrix, but how many would buy Broken Sword if it wasn't for us.
If newbies died out, all good things would come to pass. FIFA would forever more rule the world.
And that would be a dark day for all.
Long live newbies.
Imagine if the clever newbie wasn't actually up there with Yeti and Nessy in terms of mythical creatures. Imagine the shame we would all feel if there was a clever newbie, one who could tell us things.
To us, newbies reaffirm our place on the food chain, they remind us that we are a rung or two up.
It can also do my conscience good, like when I make an effort to be nice and teach them something, to help fill their little minds, to open their eyes.
If there was no newbies there would be fewer people to impress upon the brillance of some things. Every fool has heard of Enter The Matrix, but how many would buy Broken Sword if it wasn't for us.
If newbies died out, all good things would come to pass. FIFA would forever more rule the world.
And that would be a dark day for all.
Long live newbies.
lmao
Damn right.
Damn right.
I imagined them jumping up and down with glee with the angry jockeys in that epiosde of The Simpsons.
"We're freeeeaks! Heh heh heh heh!"
"We're freeeeaks! Heh heh heh heh!"
I know, its all based on real facts, I have seen many a times before, just like when Half Life 2 had a source leak and that was prime time for newbies.
None, I made that up, Silent. But come on, they all claim their site has "insider information" about the PS3 and GTA4! With fake screenshots to complement the "information".
I agree it was a great read, kept me interested all the way, which newbie said his mate was called Dave and he worked for Sony? But even if no newbie has posted that, its quite possible.
I found most of that highly amusing. I'd laugh for real, but a drinking session I had last night has removed any soul and coherence I had.
Quality.
Quality.
Aye, it's been done a million times. I even wrote "Lifespan of a newbie" back in May. But there are always new things to point out, new styles to use. I'll be going on to the different types of regulars next, then notables.
That, Mojojojo, was a damn good read and I enjoyed it.
:^D
:^D
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