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"It was almost as gay as the Ewoks, but not quite..."

Saw Return of the King last night, and I have to say that I was blown away! Everything you've read about this film is true. It dwarfs the other two films in just about every department, and I can't wait to see it again. But in terms of being gay, it is easily the gayest film in the word ever (except for the Ewoks). Not that there's anything wrong with that. Frodo loves Sam, Aragorn loves Gimli, and Gandalf loves them all...in kind of brotherly way, of course. And Orlando Bloom is still the worst actor in the world - this film and Pirates of the Caribbean (another film that I liked this year) confirm that. All he does is squint his eyes a bit, like he's looking at something really far away.

The whole film was like a big metaphor for sex - could have been gay-bumsex, but don't ask me I've never done that (it was just a rumour)! Half an hour of fumbling around in the dark, going up peaks and down valleys, the occassional glimpse of Aragorn's sword, or Gandalf's staff...ooo-er. And then it happens. The rest of the film suddenly explodes into a gigantic 3 hour cumshot that just leaves you gasping for more. I could go on and on about the battle scenes, but they have to be seen to be believed. The best fantasy battle ever commited to film. The motherload, if you will. they just didn't

All this though, and it's still not a special effects movie. Not like the last couple of Matrix films, which were shallow, soul-less movies for the eMpTyV generation. Did you come out of the climax to that series of films with a smile on your face and a feeling that you'd just participated in an epic journey? Well, I didn't. Maybe that should've camped it up to compete with the LOTR series? It's an excellent feel-good film, which really engrossed me right until the end. Everyone knows that Frodo completes his quest (and if you didn't, you do now!), but you still root for him when he's confronted by masses of Orcs and giant spiders. The pace of the film gives the audience time to catch their breath before the next obstacle arrives, and swicthes between stories so that you never get tired. And if you do happen to get tired, they'll suddenly give you a battle to prod you awake.

This is now one of my favourite series of films, even giving Star Wars a run for it's money. And I came out of it with my burly heterosexualness intact, which surely is a good thing.

gamezfreak wrote:
> And monkey man, "gay bumsex"?

Flattered, but not interested.

I'm probably going to wait for it's DVD release, I need to start reading the final book before seeing it.

And monkey man, "gay bumsex"?

Your Honour wrote:
> No, it's really not that good.
>
> Am I the only one...?

Nope, you ain't.

Not one of them has blown me away.

Their still good though.

Lord of the Rings is only gay to potential homosexuals. If you are well grounded you'll realise there is nothing wrong with feeling the love in the movie. ;-)

No, it's really not that good.

Am I the only one...?

What about Bad Boys II? It's a homoerotic masterpiece of crap.

monkey_man wrote:
> Saw Return of the King last night, and I have to say that I was blown
> away! Everything you've read about this film is true. It dwarfs the
> other two films in just about every department, and I can't wait to
> see it again. But in terms of being gay, it is easily the gayest
> film in the word ever (except for the Ewoks).

What was is Freud saying about a cigar sometimes only being a cigar ;)

Now "Top Gun", on the other hand is the most blatently gay film of all time, as perfectly summed up by Quentin Tarantino: -

http://www.godamongdirectors.com/scripts/sleep.shtml

Willow has Val Kilmer.And the midget teacher from Harry Potter. Therefore it can't be good. And it's not a patch on Fellowship. But you pobably reckon Willow's CGI is better.

Unless we're talking about Willow from Buffy. She could give Fellowship a run for it's money.

I fancy Sam mmmm Hobbit.

I watched Willow again last night. It's still better than Fellowship.