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"Joke"

There was this bloke, lets call him Peter, and he decided that he wanted to become baptised.

So Peter went to his local Church and said to the Priest there, "I want to get baptised."

The Priest smiled, and beckoned Peter toward him and said, "come forth my son, and you will be baptised."

He came fifth and won a Toaster.

Lil Ginge wrote:

> I heard that one but changed with essex!

here's another :

what is a wigan girls idea of safe sex?
the handbrake ON

ßora† SagdiyeV wrote:
> What's the difference between a wigan girl and a walrus?
> One has a moustache and stinks of fish and the other lives in the
> sea.
>
> i got loads of these types of jokes, I don't know what to say

I heard that one but changed with essex!

A bit naughty, this one.


A hippie wants to have s*x with a nun. He sees on sitting on the front row of a bus, and sits behind and says 'will you have s*x with me?'.

She says 'No', and gets off at hte next stop. The bus driver, who heart all this, says 'if you want to have sex wid her, pretend you are god and she'll do it. In fact, she comes to the graveyard every tuesday night to pray, do it then and she'll believe ya.'

So the hippie dresses up as God in the total darkness, covers his face with luminous paint and stuff, and see the nun. "I AM GOD. HAVE SEX WITH ME."


She says okay, but because shes married to the church, she must remain a virgin to stay a nun. "So it must be anal sex you see" she says.


They do it.


Afterwards the hippie says "Ahahah - I'M THE HIPPIE!!!"

The nun takes off her face cloth and says "Aahah - I'm the bus driver!"

What's the difference between a wigan girl and a walrus?
One has a moustache and stinks of fish and the other lives in the sea.

i got loads of these types of jokes, I don't know what to say

What ya call an essex bird with piggy tails?

~A bl*wjob with handles

How ya know when an essex girl has had an orgasm?

~She drops her bag of chips


What's the mating call of a Surrey girl?

~Are all the Essex girls gone?

they continue

Jokes, jokes…hmm.

Ok, apologies to all Essex girls in advance. (Sorry Ginge)

Ok, so this girl, let’s call her Tracy, is involved in a motorbike accident. She is lying by the side of the road. After about 10 mins a paramedic arrives. Wanting to test her basic state of health he asked, “what’s your name luv?” Tracy replied, “Tracy” (surprisingly), the paramedic thought to himself, ok-ok, good start, “who is the prime Minster, Tracy?” she thought and replied, “Tony Blair”, great thought the paramedic. He decided to ask just one more. Raising two fingers he asked, “how many fingers am I holding up, Tracy?

Tracy, not looking at the paramedic started to cry and shouted, “Sh*t, I’m paralysed!”

AfroJoe wrote:
> Herr Dark Wolf wrote:
> I don't get it.
>
> That's because you're a mong.
>
> Forth. Fifth.
>
> Muh???
Oh now i get it

OOOhh. I have a long joke with a really bad letdown of a pun.

*Accepts no responsibilty for the crap joke and is only a messenger*

Jack lives in a Mansion and he decides to go to the pub. He has a few pints, comes back and his mansion is on fire and he sees a knome running away.
Jack now has to live in a house. He decides to go to the pub, has a few pints and again comes back to find his home on fire and again a knome is running away.
Jack now lives in a cardboard box and only has enough money to get a few pints, which he does. He comes back, only to find his box on fire and again with a knome running away. He runs after it and picks him up by his collar and shouts "HAVE YOU BEEN BURNING DOWN ALL OF MY HOUSES!?"

"no".




It may actually sound funny when said allowed because "no" is said quickly.

Cid Vilante wrote:
> I liked the longer version. More of a build up nad then such a let
> down. That's the way I like jokes usually. The punchline was short
> and sharp.

Directs Azul to this post.

:D

LMAO, ha ha that's great.