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Microsoft genius Bill Gates was today killed after a 5 hour shootout near the Microsoft headquarters in Pennsylvania, America. The incident occurred when a system error caused an entire months work on a new version of Microsoft Windows to be lost. Upon realising it was his own fault and that no backup copies of the software or source codes had been made, Bill Gates armed himself with a .79 sniper rifle and climbed a clock tower close to the head office of Microsoft in a small Pennsylvanian town and began shooting randomly at passers by. Six victims were fatally wounded by Bill Gates, 5 of the victims male and one female, several more were injured and required surgery.
Victims of the shooting were taken to the local Greenfields Hospital where we got a statement from a young man who witnessed the outrageous feat. “I was coming home from work when I heard a loud bang from the clock tower above. I looked about to see a man in his mid-twenties laying face down on the floor and heard maniacal laughter coming from above. It was a traumatising experience and something that will haunt me for years to come”
Within half an hour a crack SAS team were on the case and zip-wired into the clock tower armed with AK-47s. After Bill Gates tried to bribe the SAS men with free software and also tried to virus them, how he did this we cannot yet verify, a struggle broke out in which Bill Gates received 23 gunshot wounds to the head and chest. SAS spokesman Paul Whittington said, “Accidents can happen and this is no exception.” We later interviewed a Linux spokesman who simply broke down in laughter when we told him of the occurrence.
In later news Ebay bidders can get their clicking fingers ready because Bill Gates’ pudding-bowl hair and Elton John style glasses are being put up for auction later today. The proceeds of the biddings are going to a charity for underpaid Microsoft Officials who only have between 3 and 4 sports cars each.
Victims of the shooting were taken to the local Greenfields Hospital where we got a statement from a young man who witnessed the outrageous feat. “I was coming home from work when I heard a loud bang from the clock tower above. I looked about to see a man in his mid-twenties laying face down on the floor and heard maniacal laughter coming from above. It was a traumatising experience and something that will haunt me for years to come”
Within half an hour a crack SAS team were on the case and zip-wired into the clock tower armed with AK-47s. After Bill Gates tried to bribe the SAS men with free software and also tried to virus them, how he did this we cannot yet verify, a struggle broke out in which Bill Gates received 23 gunshot wounds to the head and chest. SAS spokesman Paul Whittington said, “Accidents can happen and this is no exception.” We later interviewed a Linux spokesman who simply broke down in laughter when we told him of the occurrence.
In later news Ebay bidders can get their clicking fingers ready because Bill Gates’ pudding-bowl hair and Elton John style glasses are being put up for auction later today. The proceeds of the biddings are going to a charity for underpaid Microsoft Officials who only have between 3 and 4 sports cars each.
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NASH wrote:
> :cD
> :cD
This entire thread is dumb.
:cD
Alec wrote:
> I don't like your post. That doesn't make me stupid.
True... you were stupid before you read this post and disliked it.
> I don't like your post. That doesn't make me stupid.
True... you were stupid before you read this post and disliked it.
Icarus wrote:
> Yeah, the US Delta Force (and much of the military) use M16s.
Actually, Delta Force uses the the M4 Carbine rifle, which looks similar to the M16 but is allot more sturdier. Delta Force can also, unlike regular soldiers, customize their own weapons.
The SAS actually do use M16s on occasions, it being a more "deniable" weapon on more sensitive missions, though they opt for the M16A2 which is more accurate than the normal M16 and also comes with a fully fitted grenade launcher under the barrel.
> Yeah, the US Delta Force (and much of the military) use M16s.
Actually, Delta Force uses the the M4 Carbine rifle, which looks similar to the M16 but is allot more sturdier. Delta Force can also, unlike regular soldiers, customize their own weapons.
The SAS actually do use M16s on occasions, it being a more "deniable" weapon on more sensitive missions, though they opt for the M16A2 which is more accurate than the normal M16 and also comes with a fully fitted grenade launcher under the barrel.
Erm... I knew all that by playing SOCOM, by the way.
Yeah, the US Delta Force (and much of the military) use M16s. The SAS use MP5s because they need to be more agile than the "bog standard" army folk, and because they're sub-machine guns (and can be fitted with silencers) they're extremely capable tools.
"Funny is right. The SAS use M16's though, by the way."
I thought they used MP5s?
I thought they used MP5s?
No I dislike how he garishly criticised my post when he has not made an effort to make any sort of entertaining post himself. Guys if you want the only posts in this forum to be "Hi I am secksi so chat 2 me gurlz" then so be it. Very few people make an effort around here any more.
Alec if you dont like it I dont expect you to pretend it was the funniest thing since any given topical joke about Bill Clinton banging Ms Lewinski, nor do I expect a chain of crap from you about how unfunny it is. You dont like it, fine. Belt up.
Alec if you dont like it I dont expect you to pretend it was the funniest thing since any given topical joke about Bill Clinton banging Ms Lewinski, nor do I expect a chain of crap from you about how unfunny it is. You dont like it, fine. Belt up.
OH-WOH_OH.
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