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"Unbelievable!!"

I was having a poo at work, in one of the three cubicles provided for such an activity. These cublices have toilets in them since I pointed out that this would be more and obviously you don't want to be sitting (not a typo) on one hearing another bloke's noises.

My cubicle was on one end, there were two spare. Someone enters the area and picks the middle cubicle! Amazing, how thick is this person? The middle one, so he is ensuring that he has to listen to my logarhythms and there is a chance that someone will use the cubicle on the other side of him. Surely with decision making skills like that I should be allowed to beat him with my gun.

SHEEPY wrote:
> My girlfriend's dad owns/runs every Safeway store in Scotland

Oh, tell him his bogs are ganting.

My girlfriend's dad owns/runs every Safeway store in Scotland

When i was last in the toilets in my local Safeway, there was a swivel chair next to a urinal, and plastered on the urinal was vomit.

I should have complained to the manager, the smell was atrocious.

Moron

Yesteray at work where there are three urinals... I walk in behind another guy and he stands in the middle urinal... BUT there are two other guys there... whats wrong with him? Then I look at the cubicles but the guy is cleaning them out... so I panic and pretend I have dairy products on my hand and give them a good wash. Then I ran out and returned later.

I hate poblic toilets, I saw a soggy dump laying at the bottom of one of them large wall mounted urinals, it was disgusting.

The sagacious one wrote:
> people who emerge from the loo with a smelly ass are
> called stinky bum and are chased around the office by special men in
> gas masks.

Man, i had to think of my dead dog to stop laughing at this. Im in a computer lab at uni and people were beginning to look at me funny.

Yesterday i was going past someones front garden and there was one of those Toilets-R-Us toilets portaloo thingys, i thought how cheapy can you get!

*Walks into his portaloo and has a poop*

I used to have showers at my old job. Jog to work, then a shower to start the day. Then tea-time at 10. Then second breakfast at 11. Then lunch at 12. Then football/volleyball/volleyfootball at 1. Then second lunch at 2. Then tea-time #2 at 3. Then home at 5. That's if I got in on time. And I always got my work done before 10. I loved my old job, why did I ever go to sodding Uni!?!?! The bloke that does it now gets 25k a year!

I'd forgotten the best bit. The toilets are in a sealed room where the only luminescense is from the fluorescent lighting. This is movement senstive (but not sensitive to detect bowell movements) and thus after 10 mins it turns off the light. I like to ease my stools out gently, sculpting them lovingly in case there really are people who live in the sewers and worship my craven image. Anyway I've been on the bog countless times and ended up sitting and shi, er carrying on, in total darkness. It's pitch black. You can't see your hand in front of your face.

You then have to weigh up the options: throw the bog roll in the direction of the sensor and pray it reactivates the light (then trouser down shuffle out to retrieve it) or take a lucky dip?

Mystique wrote:
> Have you ever had a bath at work?

--

No, but I've used the shower in the loo next to my office.
Thing is, "office" is the wrong word. Because it's a Grade-A listed building, you can't change anything so the offices are what used to be rooms in the house.
So my office has lovely plush carpet, wood panelled walls, a fireplace (doesn't work, not allowed) and original oil paintings from about 1800 dotted around.
Loo next door has a bath, shower etc etc, just like you have at home.

*stretches and puts hands behind head*
Yep.
And you should see the entrance hall/reception area....chandaliers bigger than your house.

I still can't believe I get paid to come here and write crap all day on forums.