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"Oil have Cole."

Chelsea pensioners prepare themselves for the freeze.

Following Roman Abramovich's large cash injections into Chelsea FC it is feared that the price of oil will rise sharply to help compensate for the many millions the Russian tycoon has invested into the west london club.

A spokesman for the 'Worlds society of natural resources' had this to say...

'It is difficult not to imagine that someone has to pay for this spending extravaganza, the price of oil is almost certainly set to rise with the likely possibility of other resources following suit'

He added...

'It is already a very sensitive market with the Gulf war still keeping up the price of a barrel of oil and any further price increases could have disastorous global effects not least to the worlds economy'

It is feared that the most affected persons of any price increases will be pensioners as they will be less inclined to burn fuel to keep themselves warm this winter.

Mr William Gardener 68 - a Chelsea pensioner had this to say...

'I am a pensioner on a low income, this is not good news that prices will rise, i can barely afford to heat myself already, i only hope the government can step in and make improved heating payments to people like myself this winter'

1991 was the last global catastophy and 2003 is set to break all record with prices per barrel expected to reach in excess of $100 a barrel, an increase of almost 60%.

There is to be a protest demonstration outside Stamford Bridge home to Chelsea football club tommorow (29th August) in regards to Roman Abramovich's over spending which is the root of the cause, many people protesting are expected to demand the immediate sale of many of the clubs stars to help restrict the damage of the potential global disaster.

Both Chelsea FC and Mr Abramovich were unavailable for comment today but one Chelseas pensioners who wished to remain annonymous had these words for the club...

'If no action is taken to sell Muttu, Crespo, Cuducini, Veron and Hasslebaink then i would appreciate it if the club could chop the legs of Joe Cole so we can burn him on our fires'.



I was bored - Rabid.

oil is in high demand. i cant see it not all being bought up. inflation rates would cause a problem for russia, seeing as its already in a poor position. but who would selling chelsea players (which would feed romans wallet) help russia out, as that russian coot said?

If prices go up, oil will cost more, and less of it will be bought by those who could only afford earlier prices. Then inflation might go up as well, which could cause severe problems, especially in Russia.

im confused as to whether this is a good thing or bad thing for roman. surely if prices go up, then he gets more money. so whats the problem, how will selling players from chelsea (meaning even more money is transfered in the west) result in russia being any better off?

*theyre probably pi$$ed that chelsea gought smirtin (russian captain) and loned him off straight away:D

He wasnt the best player ive ever seen :)

I wouldnt have liked to have been Gary Shaws insurance company... it seemed like he used to break his legs every 3 months :O

Jason Lee? Probably claimed the £1.75 every 5 minutes! :)

I once read that Steve Davis had his hands insured for £1 million but i dunno if that was true... i also vaguely remember reading something similar about Ronnie O'sullivan (and ofcourse Liberace lol)

Jason Lee ex Nottm Forest once had his legs valued at £1.75p i dont think he took out the policy tho :s

*insured of course*

Do you think Heskey's ass is ensured?

Probably up to £100,000 now, seeing that was in 1998...

Bah that all?