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Chelsea pensioners prepare themselves for the freeze.
Following Roman Abramovich's large cash injections into Chelsea FC it is feared that the price of oil will rise sharply to help compensate for the many millions the Russian tycoon has invested into the west london club.
A spokesman for the 'Worlds society of natural resources' had this to say...
'It is difficult not to imagine that someone has to pay for this spending extravaganza, the price of oil is almost certainly set to rise with the likely possibility of other resources following suit'
He added...
'It is already a very sensitive market with the Gulf war still keeping up the price of a barrel of oil and any further price increases could have disastorous global effects not least to the worlds economy'
It is feared that the most affected persons of any price increases will be pensioners as they will be less inclined to burn fuel to keep themselves warm this winter.
Mr William Gardener 68 - a Chelsea pensioner had this to say...
'I am a pensioner on a low income, this is not good news that prices will rise, i can barely afford to heat myself already, i only hope the government can step in and make improved heating payments to people like myself this winter'
1991 was the last global catastophy and 2003 is set to break all record with prices per barrel expected to reach in excess of $100 a barrel, an increase of almost 60%.
There is to be a protest demonstration outside Stamford Bridge home to Chelsea football club tommorow (29th August) in regards to Roman Abramovich's over spending which is the root of the cause, many people protesting are expected to demand the immediate sale of many of the clubs stars to help restrict the damage of the potential global disaster.
Both Chelsea FC and Mr Abramovich were unavailable for comment today but one Chelseas pensioners who wished to remain annonymous had these words for the club...
'If no action is taken to sell Muttu, Crespo, Cuducini, Veron and Hasslebaink then i would appreciate it if the club could chop the legs of Joe Cole so we can burn him on our fires'.
I was bored - Rabid.
Following Roman Abramovich's large cash injections into Chelsea FC it is feared that the price of oil will rise sharply to help compensate for the many millions the Russian tycoon has invested into the west london club.
A spokesman for the 'Worlds society of natural resources' had this to say...
'It is difficult not to imagine that someone has to pay for this spending extravaganza, the price of oil is almost certainly set to rise with the likely possibility of other resources following suit'
He added...
'It is already a very sensitive market with the Gulf war still keeping up the price of a barrel of oil and any further price increases could have disastorous global effects not least to the worlds economy'
It is feared that the most affected persons of any price increases will be pensioners as they will be less inclined to burn fuel to keep themselves warm this winter.
Mr William Gardener 68 - a Chelsea pensioner had this to say...
'I am a pensioner on a low income, this is not good news that prices will rise, i can barely afford to heat myself already, i only hope the government can step in and make improved heating payments to people like myself this winter'
1991 was the last global catastophy and 2003 is set to break all record with prices per barrel expected to reach in excess of $100 a barrel, an increase of almost 60%.
There is to be a protest demonstration outside Stamford Bridge home to Chelsea football club tommorow (29th August) in regards to Roman Abramovich's over spending which is the root of the cause, many people protesting are expected to demand the immediate sale of many of the clubs stars to help restrict the damage of the potential global disaster.
Both Chelsea FC and Mr Abramovich were unavailable for comment today but one Chelseas pensioners who wished to remain annonymous had these words for the club...
'If no action is taken to sell Muttu, Crespo, Cuducini, Veron and Hasslebaink then i would appreciate it if the club could chop the legs of Joe Cole so we can burn him on our fires'.
I was bored - Rabid.
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That's good also.
The whole grassless pitch thing was a total misunderstanding between Ranieri and Chelseas head groundsman... rumour has it that Ranieri was overheard by the groundsman as saying...
'Too play on a beach is good for Chelsea if we winning something sand if we lose is not good also'
Obviously what Ranieri was actually trying to say was...
'Too play like a bit*h is ok still as long as we win somethings and if we lose it is not good'
The groundsman has was understandably sacked following this.
'Too play on a beach is good for Chelsea if we winning something sand if we lose is not good also'
Obviously what Ranieri was actually trying to say was...
'Too play like a bit*h is ok still as long as we win somethings and if we lose it is not good'
The groundsman has was understandably sacked following this.
Post some of your old ones too.
Rabin that was good, if i wasn't a complete moron you would have had me fooled.
All the same good report, very funny.
All the same good report, very funny.
I was at a Chelsea match against Boro last season, and although it wasn't all sand it was one of the worst pitches i have ever seen. Let's hope Roman can up the ppitch standars this year.
Either way it's nice to see with Roman taking control at Chelsea he's been able to afford some grass for the pitch this year. (old joke but ah well)
Im amazed (and deeply flattered) that you thought it was a genuine news story lol.
I have written a few others that i posted here last year if you want to read those aswell... again they are ofcourse totally fictional and written by me.
I have written a few others that i posted here last year if you want to read those aswell... again they are ofcourse totally fictional and written by me.
*scalps rabid as a lesson*
damn you
:D
damn you
:D
:O
I made the story up...
I made the story up...
sorry- the russian coot is a chelsea pensionner. but still, how?
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