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Chelsea pensioners prepare themselves for the freeze.
Following Roman Abramovich's large cash injections into Chelsea FC it is feared that the price of oil will rise sharply to help compensate for the many millions the Russian tycoon has invested into the west london club.
A spokesman for the 'Worlds society of natural resources' had this to say...
'It is difficult not to imagine that someone has to pay for this spending extravaganza, the price of oil is almost certainly set to rise with the likely possibility of other resources following suit'
He added...
'It is already a very sensitive market with the Gulf war still keeping up the price of a barrel of oil and any further price increases could have disastorous global effects not least to the worlds economy'
It is feared that the most affected persons of any price increases will be pensioners as they will be less inclined to burn fuel to keep themselves warm this winter.
Mr William Gardener 68 - a Chelsea pensioner had this to say...
'I am a pensioner on a low income, this is not good news that prices will rise, i can barely afford to heat myself already, i only hope the government can step in and make improved heating payments to people like myself this winter'
1991 was the last global catastophy and 2003 is set to break all record with prices per barrel expected to reach in excess of $100 a barrel, an increase of almost 60%.
There is to be a protest demonstration outside Stamford Bridge home to Chelsea football club tommorow (29th August) in regards to Roman Abramovich's over spending which is the root of the cause, many people protesting are expected to demand the immediate sale of many of the clubs stars to help restrict the damage of the potential global disaster.
Both Chelsea FC and Mr Abramovich were unavailable for comment today but one Chelseas pensioners who wished to remain annonymous had these words for the club...
'If no action is taken to sell Muttu, Crespo, Cuducini, Veron and Hasslebaink then i would appreciate it if the club could chop the legs of Joe Cole so we can burn him on our fires'.
I was bored - Rabid.
Following Roman Abramovich's large cash injections into Chelsea FC it is feared that the price of oil will rise sharply to help compensate for the many millions the Russian tycoon has invested into the west london club.
A spokesman for the 'Worlds society of natural resources' had this to say...
'It is difficult not to imagine that someone has to pay for this spending extravaganza, the price of oil is almost certainly set to rise with the likely possibility of other resources following suit'
He added...
'It is already a very sensitive market with the Gulf war still keeping up the price of a barrel of oil and any further price increases could have disastorous global effects not least to the worlds economy'
It is feared that the most affected persons of any price increases will be pensioners as they will be less inclined to burn fuel to keep themselves warm this winter.
Mr William Gardener 68 - a Chelsea pensioner had this to say...
'I am a pensioner on a low income, this is not good news that prices will rise, i can barely afford to heat myself already, i only hope the government can step in and make improved heating payments to people like myself this winter'
1991 was the last global catastophy and 2003 is set to break all record with prices per barrel expected to reach in excess of $100 a barrel, an increase of almost 60%.
There is to be a protest demonstration outside Stamford Bridge home to Chelsea football club tommorow (29th August) in regards to Roman Abramovich's over spending which is the root of the cause, many people protesting are expected to demand the immediate sale of many of the clubs stars to help restrict the damage of the potential global disaster.
Both Chelsea FC and Mr Abramovich were unavailable for comment today but one Chelseas pensioners who wished to remain annonymous had these words for the club...
'If no action is taken to sell Muttu, Crespo, Cuducini, Veron and Hasslebaink then i would appreciate it if the club could chop the legs of Joe Cole so we can burn him on our fires'.
I was bored - Rabid.
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manchester united interested in keane as manager.
Black Demon wrote:
> Rabid im bored can i have another report please?
Ive posted 3 in a seperate thread in this section for you to read at your leisure.
If you like i will write one for you, all i need is a rough subject matter, nothing too specific, just tell me 'fish cakes' for example and i'll do my best.
I enjoy typing out silly stories so its no biggy really, practically any subject matter will do.
> Rabid im bored can i have another report please?
Ive posted 3 in a seperate thread in this section for you to read at your leisure.
If you like i will write one for you, all i need is a rough subject matter, nothing too specific, just tell me 'fish cakes' for example and i'll do my best.
I enjoy typing out silly stories so its no biggy really, practically any subject matter will do.
Ok heres one that i didnt write but is good (im just gathering a few of the ones i wrote so i can post them) anyway enjoy this one for 5 mins...
The Manchester United Virus…
This where your PC thinks its far superior than any other PC and develops a memory disorder, forgetting anything that happened before 1993.
The David Beckham Virus… this affects newer PC’s mainly. The computer looks great, all the lights are on but nothing works.
The Roy Keane Virus… this one is particularly nasty and will throw you out of Windows…
The Alex Ferguson Virus… the computer develops a continuous whining noise and the on screen clock runs a lot faster or slower (depending on how your days been) than all the other other computers in the building.
The Fabien Barthez Virus… not particularly harmful – you just can’t save anything.
The Neville Bros. Virus… just when you think things can’t get any worse, this one pops up and causes a calamitous error.
The Ryan Giggs Virus… the computer develops a processor problem, whereby it thinks it’s better than it actually is. It also experiences dramatic flucuation in performance.
The Luke Chadwick Virus…this is a particularly ugly one.
The Paul Scholes Virus… works fine for the European market but somehow fails to perform in Japan.
The Laurent Blanc Virus… to slow for modern processes, the lack of speed makes you look in disbelief at your monitor.
The Manchester United Shirt Virus… This one is especially hard to detect as it changes its format every 3 months
The Manchester United Virus…
This where your PC thinks its far superior than any other PC and develops a memory disorder, forgetting anything that happened before 1993.
The David Beckham Virus… this affects newer PC’s mainly. The computer looks great, all the lights are on but nothing works.
The Roy Keane Virus… this one is particularly nasty and will throw you out of Windows…
The Alex Ferguson Virus… the computer develops a continuous whining noise and the on screen clock runs a lot faster or slower (depending on how your days been) than all the other other computers in the building.
The Fabien Barthez Virus… not particularly harmful – you just can’t save anything.
The Neville Bros. Virus… just when you think things can’t get any worse, this one pops up and causes a calamitous error.
The Ryan Giggs Virus… the computer develops a processor problem, whereby it thinks it’s better than it actually is. It also experiences dramatic flucuation in performance.
The Luke Chadwick Virus…this is a particularly ugly one.
The Paul Scholes Virus… works fine for the European market but somehow fails to perform in Japan.
The Laurent Blanc Virus… to slow for modern processes, the lack of speed makes you look in disbelief at your monitor.
The Manchester United Shirt Virus… This one is especially hard to detect as it changes its format every 3 months
Rabid im bored can i have another report please?
they are good. The chelsea one very good.
Ive got to pop out for a couple of hours but i will find my others (theres another 3 or 4 i think)
I havnt written any except the Oil for Cole one this last 6 months... ive just been too busy and no-one was replying to them saying they were good so i stopped writing/them... i must say that i do laugh whilst im writing them so they cant be all that bad, shame other people didnt read them tho :s
I havnt written any except the Oil for Cole one this last 6 months... ive just been too busy and no-one was replying to them saying they were good so i stopped writing/them... i must say that i do laugh whilst im writing them so they cant be all that bad, shame other people didnt read them tho :s
Cool i want more. Provide. NOW!
Thankyou :)
They only take between 10 - 30 minutes to write, i just get a crazy idea come into my head after reading sonething then i start to type and it all falls into place, thats about it really.
They only take between 10 - 30 minutes to write, i just get a crazy idea come into my head after reading sonething then i start to type and it all falls into place, thats about it really.
that's good also, how logn do these take you to write?
Black Demon wrote:
> Post some of your old ones too.
Ok back by popular demand heres one i wrote (and posted) here last year.
This is ofcourse totally fictional, i have more if people like them ;)
Final chapter... the 3 legged filly who had recently undergone emergency surgery... trotted up at kempton today amidst a huge amount of controversy.
The horse had already been entered into the 1 mile Diamond Handicap by trainer John King when after a freak fall on the gallops at Kings training yard in Surrey... Final Chapter suffered severe bruising along with two fractures to her rear left leg. Trainer John King told us...
"we entered her into the race 3 weeks ago and 2 days later the unthinkable happened.... well we were all shocked back at the yard that following the operation she made such a full and speedy recovery" he added "its highly unusual for such a thing to happen, but ive always felt that there was something special about her"
Final Chapter who had never previously won a race before... beat a field of 16 runners in the 3.40 at Kempton by 2 and a quarter lenghs. Her jockey Keiron Fallon wasnt as surprised as some people would expect and he spoke to us...
"she travelled really well for the first 3 furlongs but i did get a little anxious at the turn... for a moment i thought she was gonna fall over"
The jockey club refused to comment on the matter but they did answer accusations that the horse had performed better than expected due to only carrying the featherweight of 7 stone 8 lb they defended themselves with the following comment...
"we the jockey club decided to allow the horse in question to be allowed to participate with an unusually low weight as we believed the horse was already overly handicapped due to it only having 3 legs"
Many punters were left more than happy as Final Chapter won at the generous odds of 14-1.
> Post some of your old ones too.
Ok back by popular demand heres one i wrote (and posted) here last year.
This is ofcourse totally fictional, i have more if people like them ;)
Final chapter... the 3 legged filly who had recently undergone emergency surgery... trotted up at kempton today amidst a huge amount of controversy.
The horse had already been entered into the 1 mile Diamond Handicap by trainer John King when after a freak fall on the gallops at Kings training yard in Surrey... Final Chapter suffered severe bruising along with two fractures to her rear left leg. Trainer John King told us...
"we entered her into the race 3 weeks ago and 2 days later the unthinkable happened.... well we were all shocked back at the yard that following the operation she made such a full and speedy recovery" he added "its highly unusual for such a thing to happen, but ive always felt that there was something special about her"
Final Chapter who had never previously won a race before... beat a field of 16 runners in the 3.40 at Kempton by 2 and a quarter lenghs. Her jockey Keiron Fallon wasnt as surprised as some people would expect and he spoke to us...
"she travelled really well for the first 3 furlongs but i did get a little anxious at the turn... for a moment i thought she was gonna fall over"
The jockey club refused to comment on the matter but they did answer accusations that the horse had performed better than expected due to only carrying the featherweight of 7 stone 8 lb they defended themselves with the following comment...
"we the jockey club decided to allow the horse in question to be allowed to participate with an unusually low weight as we believed the horse was already overly handicapped due to it only having 3 legs"
Many punters were left more than happy as Final Chapter won at the generous odds of 14-1.
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