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"Harry Potter Book One"

Ok, I tried to read it last night, I really did. I got as far as him with some giant, taking him round a shop to choose a wand or something.

Christ almighty, what you are people doing reading this for? Sure, there's some imagination there but the style?
"Harry picked up his hat and tried it on, he moved it about and it fit just fine"
??????????
That's the sound of Rainman writing a story, I bet the editors put the punctuation in whilst Rowling just muuuuhed into a dictaphone with no pauses for breath

"and then the wizard said i dont like you but then harry ran down the path and he ran into a bush and it hurt him and he said owee and then wizard said there there thats ok and harry cried but used magic to make himself feel better and then they went to hogwarts" etc etc.

Read decent books unless you are a child. Or a retarded adult.
Decent books like Catch-22, Bukowski, Edward Bunker, Shakespeare.
It makes me furious that grown-ups read this drivel and think it makes them clever
I'm amazed more of you dont fall down a lot when walking.

Harry Potter? I'd like to throw them into the sea and send adults to Borders with a list of adult authors.
"Oh come on, it's just fun"
Yes, badly written fun. Try Phillip Pullman for fantasy writings, or try reading Dashiel Hammett, Elmore Leonard, ANYTHING but a poorly written children's book.

Next time you see an adult reading one, walk over and say "Has mummy or daddy left you here alone?"
"...what?"
"Would you like me to help you find them?"
"....what??"
Then knock the book from their hands, push them to the floor and walk away muttering "####ing retard"

You should try reading the new one.
Dire.
Frustratingly awfully tedious.

"A horrible, horrible death" she said, I heard her.
Bullsheet.
The bloke fell through an arch and dissapeared.

I was, like, SOOOO totally horrified.
Yeah.

> That's called 15th century English. You think that's tough then try
> wading through The Canterbury Tales someday. Jesus...there's a
> challenge.

You have to agree that 'The Wife of Bath's Prologue' is pure genius! A woman who has five husbands, three of whom are old men who she marries for their money (she even states that she wasn't interested in their 'bacon', hehe.) She physically beats her 5th husband into submission. She is one classy lady.

P.S. Ben Jonson beats Shakespeare hands down.

Goatboy wrote:
>a person that says Pullman
> brainwashes kids into atheism

--

I didn't say that. I said he's amazingly obvious with his atheism. I'm not objecting to the actual atheism, and I couldn't give a damn what kids think. I just don't like the way he's SO OBVIOUS, yeah? It's hardly even subtext.

Yeah, Dr Faustus is excellent. I like the way he resurrected Helen of Troy on a mere whim. Excellent work!

Fav Bukowski poem:

The Bluebird

there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say, stay in there, I'm not going
to let anybody see
you.

there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I pour whiskey on him and inhale
cigarette smoke
and the wh#res and the bartenders
and the grocery clerks
never know that
he's
in there.

there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too tough for him,
I say,
stay down, do you want to mess
me up?
You want to screw up the works?
you want to blow my book sales in
Europe?

there's a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I'm too clever, I only let him out
at night sometimes
when everybody's asleep.
I say, I know that you're there,
so don't be
sad.

then I put him back,
but he's singing a little
in there, I haven't quite let him
die
and we sleep together like
that
with our
secret pact
and it's nice enough to
make a man
weep, but I don't
weep, do
you?

Marlowe's Dr Faustus is a fantastic play. A random comment but a valid one.

MoJoJoJo wrote:
> Just in case you don't know, those sonnets/letters and stuff were from
> Shakespeare to his gay lover.
---

Right, and Marlowe really wrote the plays right?
*chuckles*

but the damned "it's not English, it's not
> anything" language. Put the same plots in real English and the
> kids will enjoy them a lot more.
--

That's called 15th century English. You think that's tough then try wading through The Canterbury Tales someday. Jesus...there's a challenge.

I said Auden twice. I must like him.
Favourite poet: Bukowski. You lot could do a lot worse than seek out "Ham on Rye" for his novel writing and "Bone Palace Ballet" for his prose.

"I was in the bar and drinking as usual. And in walks this woman, she had legs that went on forever and a mouth that invited fantasy. Every man in the place turned to stare, I mean it was obvious that she was being mind-humped by 30 guys, all except this guy next to me. I turned and said 'What's the matter, you dont like women?". He drained his beer and smiled right through me 'Listen buddy, somebody somewhere is already bored of her'. That taught me all I needed to know about women, they think they hold the power over you. But when you realise it's nothing but lust and bodies slapping in the night? You lose all fear. And they like nothing more than a mean man that isn't interested."

Bukowski is a genius.

"And not just the plays, but the sonnets, letters and prose he wrote."

Just in case you don't know, those sonnets/letters and stuff were from Shakespeare to his gay lover.

And Shakespeare is still poop to me. Not the actual plots or characters, but the damned "it's not English, it's not anything" language. Put the same plots in real English and the kids will enjoy them a lot more.

Plagiarism.

I can spell it.

Honest.

Shakespeare's play always seemed to involve some bint dressing up as a man and convincing everyone else to do something and yawn, deep meanings are embedded within the text like;

forsooth I know not why I am so sad,
you say it wearies you, it wearies me,
many reductions at Carpet Magic,
some carpets half price.

He sold out years ago.