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"Real Monster"

I know how it feels to want to kill someone. I'm really sorry about your dog and it must be hard. Don't kill yourself. If you want to become a better person (Which I think you are already) you can do things like, RSPCA work, or join the emergency services. Blood lust is common. I think it must be quite rare for someone not to feel like killing someone, you were just pushed over the edge, I would have probably done the same. I respect you and what you stand for after writing that post. Good luck with your future, which does exist.

Notorious Biggles wrote:
We all have bad memories, mine is not saving someones life when
> perhaps, just maybe I could of. Occasionally when I close my eyes I
> see her face, it still haunts me.


Sorry to hear that. What happened? Or is it a story. Sorry if it isn't (^;

I can't remember who said it, but we are all monsters.

I'm not sure what your two posts were really about, be they stories, or reflections or just some randomness.

We all have primal instincts, buried deep inside of us.

We all have bad memories, mine is not saving someones life when perhaps, just maybe I could of. Occasionally when I close my eyes I see her face, it still haunts me.

As for suicide, we all think about it at some stage in our lives. Seems the only, or maybe just the easy way out. I don't like to think like that anymore, I prefer to do things the hard way if need be. Hurts, and leaves me tired, but at the end I feel a better person.

Who would be the better person? The one who is a monster inside but works hard at overcoming it or the naive "bubblewrapped" person who has never had to deal with difficult circumstances?

Wow

As SHEEPY said ive read quite a bit of what you said in that post already, and to be honest the whole story there almost brung a tear to my eye. I don't think you are a monster at all, half of the day i think of disturbing images and dark designs.

Some discussions ive had with Whitestripes have been fairly queer, i think its just a part of who we are. Ive also experienced a totally violent outburst, the bloodlust was too much to control, but fortunately i managed to take control before anything too bad happened.

Regarding the rape thing....I can't say that the same thoughts haven't occupied my mind at times, but i hope that i will always have the sense to restrain such a notion.

You've had a tough journey Grix. I salute your courage.

Just read your other post, and I'm now wishing I'd read this one first.

You've been through far too much for me to possibly relate to or give advice/comments on.



How much deeper does the rabbit hole go?

Well...

Having heard bits of that post through the years I can say I guess I feel greatly sorry for you. I'm not sure what to say, I know you're only a bloke from Wales on the internet that I hardly talk to any more but I think you rock and I find it difficult to imagine the life behind Grix Thraves.

I hope everything goes well for you... I'm not going to be patronising or pretend I understand but please try and avoid self harm or suicide again.