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Following yet another unsurprising flop in the Champions Leauge Arsenal have decided that for the 2003-2004 season they will not be spending millions of £££'s on anymore signings, instead they are to advertise for new players through a variety of national tabloid newspapers and job centres up and down the country.
Early reports say that a local North London job centre has recieved confirmation of Arsenals intent to draft in new players on the 'new deal' format whereas succesful applicants will be offered the minimum wage of £4.20 an hour.
A leaked document had the following application criteria requirements upon it...
Applicants must be...
...male,
...aged between 16-30 yrs of age,
...arrogant at all times,
...available for work on weekends,
...have a slightly unsteady foothold and be prone to fall over for no apparent reason,
...be prepared to fly abroard in the months leading upto mid March,
...be able to repeat the following words 'from where i was standing it looked like a clean tackle'
...be preferably of French origin.
...be prepared to run for upto 100 minutes at a time pending the present result of any match taking place (on most occasions you will only be required to run for 90 minutes)
...have an annoying habit of not looking remotely surprised when winning the goal of the month award (see section on being arrogant at all times)
The government official for employment welcomed Arsenals attempt to remove as many unemployed people of the streets of North london by issuing this statement...
'We are extremeley happy with Arsenal FC and their attempts to remove the unemployed from our streets... by moving to a new Stadia we are sure that upto 15,000 more unemployed people will have somewhere to sit on a breezy saturday afternoon in january, and the fact that a cup of warm soup is also being provided for a generous £2.50'.
Early reports say that a local North London job centre has recieved confirmation of Arsenals intent to draft in new players on the 'new deal' format whereas succesful applicants will be offered the minimum wage of £4.20 an hour.
A leaked document had the following application criteria requirements upon it...
Applicants must be...
...male,
...aged between 16-30 yrs of age,
...arrogant at all times,
...available for work on weekends,
...have a slightly unsteady foothold and be prone to fall over for no apparent reason,
...be prepared to fly abroard in the months leading upto mid March,
...be able to repeat the following words 'from where i was standing it looked like a clean tackle'
...be preferably of French origin.
...be prepared to run for upto 100 minutes at a time pending the present result of any match taking place (on most occasions you will only be required to run for 90 minutes)
...have an annoying habit of not looking remotely surprised when winning the goal of the month award (see section on being arrogant at all times)
The government official for employment welcomed Arsenals attempt to remove as many unemployed people of the streets of North london by issuing this statement...
'We are extremeley happy with Arsenal FC and their attempts to remove the unemployed from our streets... by moving to a new Stadia we are sure that upto 15,000 more unemployed people will have somewhere to sit on a breezy saturday afternoon in january, and the fact that a cup of warm soup is also being provided for a generous £2.50'.
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WòókieeMøn§†€® wrote:
> Err... Sol Campbell?
He didn't play against Liechenstein.
> Err... Sol Campbell?
He didn't play against Liechenstein.
Even as a Utd fan, I'd have to say well said Wookiee.
Arsenal have a good squad, and a good manager.
They're doing the right thing in supporting young players (Cole and Pennant spring immediately to mind)
Better than the Chelsea or Fulham road of trying to buy in a quality team.
Also, it'll be a decent scrap for the Premiership this season, after last, when man Utd were so poor at home. Best defensive record? Doesn't make sense to me!
Arsenal have a good squad, and a good manager.
They're doing the right thing in supporting young players (Cole and Pennant spring immediately to mind)
Better than the Chelsea or Fulham road of trying to buy in a quality team.
Also, it'll be a decent scrap for the Premiership this season, after last, when man Utd were so poor at home. Best defensive record? Doesn't make sense to me!
Absolu† Neó wrote:
> He didn't play against Liechenstein.
True - I didn't notice the date, and assumed it was posted tonight! :-)
> He didn't play against Liechenstein.
True - I didn't notice the date, and assumed it was posted tonight! :-)
<------------- gives wookie a pat on the back for sticking up for what he supports and believes in.
I would stand-up for the team I support, the mighty Arsenal, but Wookie has done it all already, nice one. Saves me a fair bit of typing:)
*stands up and shouts, then sits back down because legs ache*
I would stand-up for the team I support, the mighty Arsenal, but Wookie has done it all already, nice one. Saves me a fair bit of typing:)
*stands up and shouts, then sits back down because legs ache*
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