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Following yet another unsurprising flop in the Champions Leauge Arsenal have decided that for the 2003-2004 season they will not be spending millions of £££'s on anymore signings, instead they are to advertise for new players through a variety of national tabloid newspapers and job centres up and down the country.
Early reports say that a local North London job centre has recieved confirmation of Arsenals intent to draft in new players on the 'new deal' format whereas succesful applicants will be offered the minimum wage of £4.20 an hour.
A leaked document had the following application criteria requirements upon it...
Applicants must be...
...male,
...aged between 16-30 yrs of age,
...arrogant at all times,
...available for work on weekends,
...have a slightly unsteady foothold and be prone to fall over for no apparent reason,
...be prepared to fly abroard in the months leading upto mid March,
...be able to repeat the following words 'from where i was standing it looked like a clean tackle'
...be preferably of French origin.
...be prepared to run for upto 100 minutes at a time pending the present result of any match taking place (on most occasions you will only be required to run for 90 minutes)
...have an annoying habit of not looking remotely surprised when winning the goal of the month award (see section on being arrogant at all times)
The government official for employment welcomed Arsenals attempt to remove as many unemployed people of the streets of North london by issuing this statement...
'We are extremeley happy with Arsenal FC and their attempts to remove the unemployed from our streets... by moving to a new Stadia we are sure that upto 15,000 more unemployed people will have somewhere to sit on a breezy saturday afternoon in january, and the fact that a cup of warm soup is also being provided for a generous £2.50'.
Early reports say that a local North London job centre has recieved confirmation of Arsenals intent to draft in new players on the 'new deal' format whereas succesful applicants will be offered the minimum wage of £4.20 an hour.
A leaked document had the following application criteria requirements upon it...
Applicants must be...
...male,
...aged between 16-30 yrs of age,
...arrogant at all times,
...available for work on weekends,
...have a slightly unsteady foothold and be prone to fall over for no apparent reason,
...be prepared to fly abroard in the months leading upto mid March,
...be able to repeat the following words 'from where i was standing it looked like a clean tackle'
...be preferably of French origin.
...be prepared to run for upto 100 minutes at a time pending the present result of any match taking place (on most occasions you will only be required to run for 90 minutes)
...have an annoying habit of not looking remotely surprised when winning the goal of the month award (see section on being arrogant at all times)
The government official for employment welcomed Arsenals attempt to remove as many unemployed people of the streets of North london by issuing this statement...
'We are extremeley happy with Arsenal FC and their attempts to remove the unemployed from our streets... by moving to a new Stadia we are sure that upto 15,000 more unemployed people will have somewhere to sit on a breezy saturday afternoon in january, and the fact that a cup of warm soup is also being provided for a generous £2.50'.
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Heh, you won't be laughing if someone posted something like this about your precious Man Utd.
It's a shame really, that Man Utd fans like yourself resort to something like this because you know, deep down, that Man Utd aren't the dominant force that they so boringly were for 5 years or so. Now Arsenal are, and showing you how to play football brilliantly - with a weak team too!
*Man Utd fans sulk, scream, cry and resort to: "But your players are French!" routine*
Tut tut.
It's a shame really, that Man Utd fans like yourself resort to something like this because you know, deep down, that Man Utd aren't the dominant force that they so boringly were for 5 years or so. Now Arsenal are, and showing you how to play football brilliantly - with a weak team too!
*Man Utd fans sulk, scream, cry and resort to: "But your players are French!" routine*
Tut tut.
He wouldn't be laughing if someone posted about his precious Man Utd.
You know, I think these Man Utd fans can't bear to even contemplate Arsenal ever being truly better than them.
No longer are Man Utd the dominant force, as it has so boringly been for the past 5 years or so. Now Arsenal come along and show them how to play football - even with a weak team!
*Man Utd fans sulk and and resort to using the old favourite: "But your players are French!" routine*
You know, I think these Man Utd fans can't bear to even contemplate Arsenal ever being truly better than them.
No longer are Man Utd the dominant force, as it has so boringly been for the past 5 years or so. Now Arsenal come along and show them how to play football - even with a weak team!
*Man Utd fans sulk and and resort to using the old favourite: "But your players are French!" routine*
Heh....!
Following yet another unsurprising flop in the Champions Leauge Arsenal have decided that for the 2003-2004 season they will not be spending millions of £££'s on anymore signings, instead they are to advertise for new players through a variety of national tabloid newspapers and job centres up and down the country.
Early reports say that a local North London job centre has recieved confirmation of Arsenals intent to draft in new players on the 'new deal' format whereas succesful applicants will be offered the minimum wage of £4.20 an hour.
A leaked document had the following application criteria requirements upon it...
Applicants must be...
...male,
...aged between 16-30 yrs of age,
...arrogant at all times,
...available for work on weekends,
...have a slightly unsteady foothold and be prone to fall over for no apparent reason,
...be prepared to fly abroard in the months leading upto mid March,
...be able to repeat the following words 'from where i was standing it looked like a clean tackle'
...be preferably of French origin.
...be prepared to run for upto 100 minutes at a time pending the present result of any match taking place (on most occasions you will only be required to run for 90 minutes)
...have an annoying habit of not looking remotely surprised when winning the goal of the month award (see section on being arrogant at all times)
The government official for employment welcomed Arsenals attempt to remove as many unemployed people of the streets of North london by issuing this statement...
'We are extremeley happy with Arsenal FC and their attempts to remove the unemployed from our streets... by moving to a new Stadia we are sure that upto 15,000 more unemployed people will have somewhere to sit on a breezy saturday afternoon in january, and the fact that a cup of warm soup is also being provided for a generous £2.50'.
Early reports say that a local North London job centre has recieved confirmation of Arsenals intent to draft in new players on the 'new deal' format whereas succesful applicants will be offered the minimum wage of £4.20 an hour.
A leaked document had the following application criteria requirements upon it...
Applicants must be...
...male,
...aged between 16-30 yrs of age,
...arrogant at all times,
...available for work on weekends,
...have a slightly unsteady foothold and be prone to fall over for no apparent reason,
...be prepared to fly abroard in the months leading upto mid March,
...be able to repeat the following words 'from where i was standing it looked like a clean tackle'
...be preferably of French origin.
...be prepared to run for upto 100 minutes at a time pending the present result of any match taking place (on most occasions you will only be required to run for 90 minutes)
...have an annoying habit of not looking remotely surprised when winning the goal of the month award (see section on being arrogant at all times)
The government official for employment welcomed Arsenals attempt to remove as many unemployed people of the streets of North london by issuing this statement...
'We are extremeley happy with Arsenal FC and their attempts to remove the unemployed from our streets... by moving to a new Stadia we are sure that upto 15,000 more unemployed people will have somewhere to sit on a breezy saturday afternoon in january, and the fact that a cup of warm soup is also being provided for a generous £2.50'.
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