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> > > A letter to the London Observer from Terry Jones (yes, of Monty
> Python).
> > >
> > > Letter to the Observer
> > >
> > > Sunday January 26, 2003 The Observer
> > >
> > > I'm really excited by George Bush's latest reason for bombing Iraq:
> > > he's running out of patience. And so am I! For some time now I've
> > > been really p*ssed off with Mr Johnson, who lives a couple of doors
> > > down the street.
> > >
> > > Well, him and Mr Patel, who runs the health food shop. They both give
> > > me queer looks, and I'm sure Mr Johnson is planning something nasty
> > > for me, but so far I haven't been able to discover what.
> > >
> > > I've been round to his place a few times to see what he's up to, but
> > > he's got everything well hidden. That's how devious he is. As for Mr
> > > Patel, don't ask me how I know, I just know - from very good sources
> > > - that he is, in reality, a Mass Murderer. I have leafleted the
> > > street telling them that if we don't act first, he'll pick us off one
> > > by one.
> > >
> > > Some of my neighbours say, if I've got proof, why don't I go to the
> > > police? But that's simply ridiculous. The police will say that they
> > > need evidence of a crime with which to charge my neighbours. They'll
> > > come up with endless red tape and quibbling about the rights and
> > > wrongs of a pre-emptive strike and all the while Mr Johnson will be
> > > finalising his plans to do terrible things to me, while Mr Patel will
> > > be secretly murdering people.
> > >
> > > Since I'm the only one in the street with a decent range of automatic
> > > firearms, I reckon it's up to me to keep the peace. But until
> > > recently that's been a little difficult. Now, however, George W. Bush
> > > has made it clear that all I need to do is run out of patience, and
> > > then I can wade in and do whatever I want!
> > >
> > > And let's face it, Mr Bush's carefully thought-out policy towards
> > > Iraq is the only way to bring about international peace and security.
> > > The one certain way to stop Muslim fundamentalist suicide bombers
> > > targeting the US or the UK is to bomb a few Muslim countries that
> > > have never threatened us.
> > >
> > > That's why I want to blow up Mr Johnson's garage and murder his wife
> > > and children. Strike first! That'll teach him a lesson. Then he'll
> > > leave us in peace and stop peering at me in that totally unacceptable
> > > way. Mr Bush makes it clear that all he needs to know before bombing
> > > Iraq is that Saddam is a really nasty man and that he has weapons of
> > > mass destruction - even if no one can find them. I'm certain I've
> > > just as much justification for knockiing off Mr Johnson's wife and
> > > children as Mr Bush has for bombing Iraq. Mr Bush's long-term aim is
> > > to make the world a safer place by eliminating 'rogue states' and
> > > 'terrorism'.
> > >
> > > It's such a clever long-term aim because how can you ever know when
> > > you've achieved it?
> > >
> > > How will Mr Bush know when he's wiped out all terrorists? When every
> > > single terrorist is dead? But then a terrorist is only a terrorist
> > > once he's committed an act of terror. What about would-be terrorists?
> > > These are the ones you really want to eliminate, since most of the
> > > known terrorists, being suicide bombers, have already eliminated
> > > themselves.
> > >
> > > Perhaps Mr Bush needs to wipe out everyone who could possibly be a
> > > future terrorist? Maybe he can't be sure he's achieved his objective
> > > until every Muslim fundamentalist is dead? But then some moderate
> > > Muslims might convert to fundamentalism. Maybe the only really safe
> > > thing to do would be for Mr Bush to eliminate all Muslims?
> > >
> > > It's the same in my street. Mr Johnson and Mr Patel are just the tip
> > > of the iceberg. There are dozens of other people in the street who I
> > > don't like and who - quite frankly - look at me in odd ways. No one
> > > will be really safe until I've wiped them all out. My wife says I
> > > might be going too far but I tell her I'm simply using the same logic
> > > as the President of the United States. That shuts her up.
> > >
> > > Like Mr Bush, I've run out of patience, and if that's a good enough
> > > reason for the President, it's good enough for me. I'm going to give
> > > the whole street two weeks - no, 10 days - to come out in the open
> > > and hand over all aliens and interplanetary hijackers, galactic
> > > outlaws and interstellar terrorist masterminds, and if they don't
> > > hand them over nicely and say 'Thank you', I'm going to bomb the
> > > entire street to kingdom come.
> > >
> > > It's just as sane as what George W. Bush is proposing - and, in
> > > contrast to what he's intending, my policy will destroy only one
> > > street.
> Python).
> > >
> > > Letter to the Observer
> > >
> > > Sunday January 26, 2003 The Observer
> > >
> > > I'm really excited by George Bush's latest reason for bombing Iraq:
> > > he's running out of patience. And so am I! For some time now I've
> > > been really p*ssed off with Mr Johnson, who lives a couple of doors
> > > down the street.
> > >
> > > Well, him and Mr Patel, who runs the health food shop. They both give
> > > me queer looks, and I'm sure Mr Johnson is planning something nasty
> > > for me, but so far I haven't been able to discover what.
> > >
> > > I've been round to his place a few times to see what he's up to, but
> > > he's got everything well hidden. That's how devious he is. As for Mr
> > > Patel, don't ask me how I know, I just know - from very good sources
> > > - that he is, in reality, a Mass Murderer. I have leafleted the
> > > street telling them that if we don't act first, he'll pick us off one
> > > by one.
> > >
> > > Some of my neighbours say, if I've got proof, why don't I go to the
> > > police? But that's simply ridiculous. The police will say that they
> > > need evidence of a crime with which to charge my neighbours. They'll
> > > come up with endless red tape and quibbling about the rights and
> > > wrongs of a pre-emptive strike and all the while Mr Johnson will be
> > > finalising his plans to do terrible things to me, while Mr Patel will
> > > be secretly murdering people.
> > >
> > > Since I'm the only one in the street with a decent range of automatic
> > > firearms, I reckon it's up to me to keep the peace. But until
> > > recently that's been a little difficult. Now, however, George W. Bush
> > > has made it clear that all I need to do is run out of patience, and
> > > then I can wade in and do whatever I want!
> > >
> > > And let's face it, Mr Bush's carefully thought-out policy towards
> > > Iraq is the only way to bring about international peace and security.
> > > The one certain way to stop Muslim fundamentalist suicide bombers
> > > targeting the US or the UK is to bomb a few Muslim countries that
> > > have never threatened us.
> > >
> > > That's why I want to blow up Mr Johnson's garage and murder his wife
> > > and children. Strike first! That'll teach him a lesson. Then he'll
> > > leave us in peace and stop peering at me in that totally unacceptable
> > > way. Mr Bush makes it clear that all he needs to know before bombing
> > > Iraq is that Saddam is a really nasty man and that he has weapons of
> > > mass destruction - even if no one can find them. I'm certain I've
> > > just as much justification for knockiing off Mr Johnson's wife and
> > > children as Mr Bush has for bombing Iraq. Mr Bush's long-term aim is
> > > to make the world a safer place by eliminating 'rogue states' and
> > > 'terrorism'.
> > >
> > > It's such a clever long-term aim because how can you ever know when
> > > you've achieved it?
> > >
> > > How will Mr Bush know when he's wiped out all terrorists? When every
> > > single terrorist is dead? But then a terrorist is only a terrorist
> > > once he's committed an act of terror. What about would-be terrorists?
> > > These are the ones you really want to eliminate, since most of the
> > > known terrorists, being suicide bombers, have already eliminated
> > > themselves.
> > >
> > > Perhaps Mr Bush needs to wipe out everyone who could possibly be a
> > > future terrorist? Maybe he can't be sure he's achieved his objective
> > > until every Muslim fundamentalist is dead? But then some moderate
> > > Muslims might convert to fundamentalism. Maybe the only really safe
> > > thing to do would be for Mr Bush to eliminate all Muslims?
> > >
> > > It's the same in my street. Mr Johnson and Mr Patel are just the tip
> > > of the iceberg. There are dozens of other people in the street who I
> > > don't like and who - quite frankly - look at me in odd ways. No one
> > > will be really safe until I've wiped them all out. My wife says I
> > > might be going too far but I tell her I'm simply using the same logic
> > > as the President of the United States. That shuts her up.
> > >
> > > Like Mr Bush, I've run out of patience, and if that's a good enough
> > > reason for the President, it's good enough for me. I'm going to give
> > > the whole street two weeks - no, 10 days - to come out in the open
> > > and hand over all aliens and interplanetary hijackers, galactic
> > > outlaws and interstellar terrorist masterminds, and if they don't
> > > hand them over nicely and say 'Thank you', I'm going to bomb the
> > > entire street to kingdom come.
> > >
> > > It's just as sane as what George W. Bush is proposing - and, in
> > > contrast to what he's intending, my policy will destroy only one
> > > street.
Page:
Sadly it's already been posted by Goatboy.
> > > A letter to the London Observer from Terry Jones (yes, of Monty
> Python).
> > >
> > > Letter to the Observer
> > >
> > > Sunday January 26, 2003 The Observer
> > >
> > > I'm really excited by George Bush's latest reason for bombing Iraq:
> > > he's running out of patience. And so am I! For some time now I've
> > > been really p*ssed off with Mr Johnson, who lives a couple of doors
> > > down the street.
> > >
> > > Well, him and Mr Patel, who runs the health food shop. They both give
> > > me queer looks, and I'm sure Mr Johnson is planning something nasty
> > > for me, but so far I haven't been able to discover what.
> > >
> > > I've been round to his place a few times to see what he's up to, but
> > > he's got everything well hidden. That's how devious he is. As for Mr
> > > Patel, don't ask me how I know, I just know - from very good sources
> > > - that he is, in reality, a Mass Murderer. I have leafleted the
> > > street telling them that if we don't act first, he'll pick us off one
> > > by one.
> > >
> > > Some of my neighbours say, if I've got proof, why don't I go to the
> > > police? But that's simply ridiculous. The police will say that they
> > > need evidence of a crime with which to charge my neighbours. They'll
> > > come up with endless red tape and quibbling about the rights and
> > > wrongs of a pre-emptive strike and all the while Mr Johnson will be
> > > finalising his plans to do terrible things to me, while Mr Patel will
> > > be secretly murdering people.
> > >
> > > Since I'm the only one in the street with a decent range of automatic
> > > firearms, I reckon it's up to me to keep the peace. But until
> > > recently that's been a little difficult. Now, however, George W. Bush
> > > has made it clear that all I need to do is run out of patience, and
> > > then I can wade in and do whatever I want!
> > >
> > > And let's face it, Mr Bush's carefully thought-out policy towards
> > > Iraq is the only way to bring about international peace and security.
> > > The one certain way to stop Muslim fundamentalist suicide bombers
> > > targeting the US or the UK is to bomb a few Muslim countries that
> > > have never threatened us.
> > >
> > > That's why I want to blow up Mr Johnson's garage and murder his wife
> > > and children. Strike first! That'll teach him a lesson. Then he'll
> > > leave us in peace and stop peering at me in that totally unacceptable
> > > way. Mr Bush makes it clear that all he needs to know before bombing
> > > Iraq is that Saddam is a really nasty man and that he has weapons of
> > > mass destruction - even if no one can find them. I'm certain I've
> > > just as much justification for knockiing off Mr Johnson's wife and
> > > children as Mr Bush has for bombing Iraq. Mr Bush's long-term aim is
> > > to make the world a safer place by eliminating 'rogue states' and
> > > 'terrorism'.
> > >
> > > It's such a clever long-term aim because how can you ever know when
> > > you've achieved it?
> > >
> > > How will Mr Bush know when he's wiped out all terrorists? When every
> > > single terrorist is dead? But then a terrorist is only a terrorist
> > > once he's committed an act of terror. What about would-be terrorists?
> > > These are the ones you really want to eliminate, since most of the
> > > known terrorists, being suicide bombers, have already eliminated
> > > themselves.
> > >
> > > Perhaps Mr Bush needs to wipe out everyone who could possibly be a
> > > future terrorist? Maybe he can't be sure he's achieved his objective
> > > until every Muslim fundamentalist is dead? But then some moderate
> > > Muslims might convert to fundamentalism. Maybe the only really safe
> > > thing to do would be for Mr Bush to eliminate all Muslims?
> > >
> > > It's the same in my street. Mr Johnson and Mr Patel are just the tip
> > > of the iceberg. There are dozens of other people in the street who I
> > > don't like and who - quite frankly - look at me in odd ways. No one
> > > will be really safe until I've wiped them all out. My wife says I
> > > might be going too far but I tell her I'm simply using the same logic
> > > as the President of the United States. That shuts her up.
> > >
> > > Like Mr Bush, I've run out of patience, and if that's a good enough
> > > reason for the President, it's good enough for me. I'm going to give
> > > the whole street two weeks - no, 10 days - to come out in the open
> > > and hand over all aliens and interplanetary hijackers, galactic
> > > outlaws and interstellar terrorist masterminds, and if they don't
> > > hand them over nicely and say 'Thank you', I'm going to bomb the
> > > entire street to kingdom come.
> > >
> > > It's just as sane as what George W. Bush is proposing - and, in
> > > contrast to what he's intending, my policy will destroy only one
> > > street.
> Python).
> > >
> > > Letter to the Observer
> > >
> > > Sunday January 26, 2003 The Observer
> > >
> > > I'm really excited by George Bush's latest reason for bombing Iraq:
> > > he's running out of patience. And so am I! For some time now I've
> > > been really p*ssed off with Mr Johnson, who lives a couple of doors
> > > down the street.
> > >
> > > Well, him and Mr Patel, who runs the health food shop. They both give
> > > me queer looks, and I'm sure Mr Johnson is planning something nasty
> > > for me, but so far I haven't been able to discover what.
> > >
> > > I've been round to his place a few times to see what he's up to, but
> > > he's got everything well hidden. That's how devious he is. As for Mr
> > > Patel, don't ask me how I know, I just know - from very good sources
> > > - that he is, in reality, a Mass Murderer. I have leafleted the
> > > street telling them that if we don't act first, he'll pick us off one
> > > by one.
> > >
> > > Some of my neighbours say, if I've got proof, why don't I go to the
> > > police? But that's simply ridiculous. The police will say that they
> > > need evidence of a crime with which to charge my neighbours. They'll
> > > come up with endless red tape and quibbling about the rights and
> > > wrongs of a pre-emptive strike and all the while Mr Johnson will be
> > > finalising his plans to do terrible things to me, while Mr Patel will
> > > be secretly murdering people.
> > >
> > > Since I'm the only one in the street with a decent range of automatic
> > > firearms, I reckon it's up to me to keep the peace. But until
> > > recently that's been a little difficult. Now, however, George W. Bush
> > > has made it clear that all I need to do is run out of patience, and
> > > then I can wade in and do whatever I want!
> > >
> > > And let's face it, Mr Bush's carefully thought-out policy towards
> > > Iraq is the only way to bring about international peace and security.
> > > The one certain way to stop Muslim fundamentalist suicide bombers
> > > targeting the US or the UK is to bomb a few Muslim countries that
> > > have never threatened us.
> > >
> > > That's why I want to blow up Mr Johnson's garage and murder his wife
> > > and children. Strike first! That'll teach him a lesson. Then he'll
> > > leave us in peace and stop peering at me in that totally unacceptable
> > > way. Mr Bush makes it clear that all he needs to know before bombing
> > > Iraq is that Saddam is a really nasty man and that he has weapons of
> > > mass destruction - even if no one can find them. I'm certain I've
> > > just as much justification for knockiing off Mr Johnson's wife and
> > > children as Mr Bush has for bombing Iraq. Mr Bush's long-term aim is
> > > to make the world a safer place by eliminating 'rogue states' and
> > > 'terrorism'.
> > >
> > > It's such a clever long-term aim because how can you ever know when
> > > you've achieved it?
> > >
> > > How will Mr Bush know when he's wiped out all terrorists? When every
> > > single terrorist is dead? But then a terrorist is only a terrorist
> > > once he's committed an act of terror. What about would-be terrorists?
> > > These are the ones you really want to eliminate, since most of the
> > > known terrorists, being suicide bombers, have already eliminated
> > > themselves.
> > >
> > > Perhaps Mr Bush needs to wipe out everyone who could possibly be a
> > > future terrorist? Maybe he can't be sure he's achieved his objective
> > > until every Muslim fundamentalist is dead? But then some moderate
> > > Muslims might convert to fundamentalism. Maybe the only really safe
> > > thing to do would be for Mr Bush to eliminate all Muslims?
> > >
> > > It's the same in my street. Mr Johnson and Mr Patel are just the tip
> > > of the iceberg. There are dozens of other people in the street who I
> > > don't like and who - quite frankly - look at me in odd ways. No one
> > > will be really safe until I've wiped them all out. My wife says I
> > > might be going too far but I tell her I'm simply using the same logic
> > > as the President of the United States. That shuts her up.
> > >
> > > Like Mr Bush, I've run out of patience, and if that's a good enough
> > > reason for the President, it's good enough for me. I'm going to give
> > > the whole street two weeks - no, 10 days - to come out in the open
> > > and hand over all aliens and interplanetary hijackers, galactic
> > > outlaws and interstellar terrorist masterminds, and if they don't
> > > hand them over nicely and say 'Thank you', I'm going to bomb the
> > > entire street to kingdom come.
> > >
> > > It's just as sane as what George W. Bush is proposing - and, in
> > > contrast to what he's intending, my policy will destroy only one
> > > street.
Page: