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> > > A letter to the London Observer from Terry Jones (yes, of Monty
> Python).
> > >
> > > Letter to the Observer
> > >
> > > Sunday January 26, 2003 The Observer
> > >
> > > I'm really excited by George Bush's latest reason for bombing Iraq:
> > > he's running out of patience. And so am I! For some time now I've
> > > been really p*ssed off with Mr Johnson, who lives a couple of doors
> > > down the street.
> > >
> > > Well, him and Mr Patel, who runs the health food shop. They both give
> > > me queer looks, and I'm sure Mr Johnson is planning something nasty
> > > for me, but so far I haven't been able to discover what.
> > >
> > > I've been round to his place a few times to see what he's up to, but
> > > he's got everything well hidden. That's how devious he is. As for Mr
> > > Patel, don't ask me how I know, I just know - from very good sources
> > > - that he is, in reality, a Mass Murderer. I have leafleted the
> > > street telling them that if we don't act first, he'll pick us off one
> > > by one.
> > >
> > > Some of my neighbours say, if I've got proof, why don't I go to the
> > > police? But that's simply ridiculous. The police will say that they
> > > need evidence of a crime with which to charge my neighbours. They'll
> > > come up with endless red tape and quibbling about the rights and
> > > wrongs of a pre-emptive strike and all the while Mr Johnson will be
> > > finalising his plans to do terrible things to me, while Mr Patel will
> > > be secretly murdering people.
> > >
> > > Since I'm the only one in the street with a decent range of automatic
> > > firearms, I reckon it's up to me to keep the peace. But until
> > > recently that's been a little difficult. Now, however, George W. Bush
> > > has made it clear that all I need to do is run out of patience, and
> > > then I can wade in and do whatever I want!
> > >
> > > And let's face it, Mr Bush's carefully thought-out policy towards
> > > Iraq is the only way to bring about international peace and security.
> > > The one certain way to stop Muslim fundamentalist suicide bombers
> > > targeting the US or the UK is to bomb a few Muslim countries that
> > > have never threatened us.
> > >
> > > That's why I want to blow up Mr Johnson's garage and murder his wife
> > > and children. Strike first! That'll teach him a lesson. Then he'll
> > > leave us in peace and stop peering at me in that totally unacceptable
> > > way. Mr Bush makes it clear that all he needs to know before bombing
> > > Iraq is that Saddam is a really nasty man and that he has weapons of
> > > mass destruction - even if no one can find them. I'm certain I've
> > > just as much justification for knockiing off Mr Johnson's wife and
> > > children as Mr Bush has for bombing Iraq. Mr Bush's long-term aim is
> > > to make the world a safer place by eliminating 'rogue states' and
> > > 'terrorism'.
> > >
> > > It's such a clever long-term aim because how can you ever know when
> > > you've achieved it?
> > >
> > > How will Mr Bush know when he's wiped out all terrorists? When every
> > > single terrorist is dead? But then a terrorist is only a terrorist
> > > once he's committed an act of terror. What about would-be terrorists?
> > > These are the ones you really want to eliminate, since most of the
> > > known terrorists, being suicide bombers, have already eliminated
> > > themselves.
> > >
> > > Perhaps Mr Bush needs to wipe out everyone who could possibly be a
> > > future terrorist? Maybe he can't be sure he's achieved his objective
> > > until every Muslim fundamentalist is dead? But then some moderate
> > > Muslims might convert to fundamentalism. Maybe the only really safe
> > > thing to do would be for Mr Bush to eliminate all Muslims?
> > >
> > > It's the same in my street. Mr Johnson and Mr Patel are just the tip
> > > of the iceberg. There are dozens of other people in the street who I
> > > don't like and who - quite frankly - look at me in odd ways. No one
> > > will be really safe until I've wiped them all out. My wife says I
> > > might be going too far but I tell her I'm simply using the same logic
> > > as the President of the United States. That shuts her up.
> > >
> > > Like Mr Bush, I've run out of patience, and if that's a good enough
> > > reason for the President, it's good enough for me. I'm going to give
> > > the whole street two weeks - no, 10 days - to come out in the open
> > > and hand over all aliens and interplanetary hijackers, galactic
> > > outlaws and interstellar terrorist masterminds, and if they don't
> > > hand them over nicely and say 'Thank you', I'm going to bomb the
> > > entire street to kingdom come.
> > >
> > > It's just as sane as what George W. Bush is proposing - and, in
> > > contrast to what he's intending, my policy will destroy only one
> > > street.
> Python).
> > >
> > > Letter to the Observer
> > >
> > > Sunday January 26, 2003 The Observer
> > >
> > > I'm really excited by George Bush's latest reason for bombing Iraq:
> > > he's running out of patience. And so am I! For some time now I've
> > > been really p*ssed off with Mr Johnson, who lives a couple of doors
> > > down the street.
> > >
> > > Well, him and Mr Patel, who runs the health food shop. They both give
> > > me queer looks, and I'm sure Mr Johnson is planning something nasty
> > > for me, but so far I haven't been able to discover what.
> > >
> > > I've been round to his place a few times to see what he's up to, but
> > > he's got everything well hidden. That's how devious he is. As for Mr
> > > Patel, don't ask me how I know, I just know - from very good sources
> > > - that he is, in reality, a Mass Murderer. I have leafleted the
> > > street telling them that if we don't act first, he'll pick us off one
> > > by one.
> > >
> > > Some of my neighbours say, if I've got proof, why don't I go to the
> > > police? But that's simply ridiculous. The police will say that they
> > > need evidence of a crime with which to charge my neighbours. They'll
> > > come up with endless red tape and quibbling about the rights and
> > > wrongs of a pre-emptive strike and all the while Mr Johnson will be
> > > finalising his plans to do terrible things to me, while Mr Patel will
> > > be secretly murdering people.
> > >
> > > Since I'm the only one in the street with a decent range of automatic
> > > firearms, I reckon it's up to me to keep the peace. But until
> > > recently that's been a little difficult. Now, however, George W. Bush
> > > has made it clear that all I need to do is run out of patience, and
> > > then I can wade in and do whatever I want!
> > >
> > > And let's face it, Mr Bush's carefully thought-out policy towards
> > > Iraq is the only way to bring about international peace and security.
> > > The one certain way to stop Muslim fundamentalist suicide bombers
> > > targeting the US or the UK is to bomb a few Muslim countries that
> > > have never threatened us.
> > >
> > > That's why I want to blow up Mr Johnson's garage and murder his wife
> > > and children. Strike first! That'll teach him a lesson. Then he'll
> > > leave us in peace and stop peering at me in that totally unacceptable
> > > way. Mr Bush makes it clear that all he needs to know before bombing
> > > Iraq is that Saddam is a really nasty man and that he has weapons of
> > > mass destruction - even if no one can find them. I'm certain I've
> > > just as much justification for knockiing off Mr Johnson's wife and
> > > children as Mr Bush has for bombing Iraq. Mr Bush's long-term aim is
> > > to make the world a safer place by eliminating 'rogue states' and
> > > 'terrorism'.
> > >
> > > It's such a clever long-term aim because how can you ever know when
> > > you've achieved it?
> > >
> > > How will Mr Bush know when he's wiped out all terrorists? When every
> > > single terrorist is dead? But then a terrorist is only a terrorist
> > > once he's committed an act of terror. What about would-be terrorists?
> > > These are the ones you really want to eliminate, since most of the
> > > known terrorists, being suicide bombers, have already eliminated
> > > themselves.
> > >
> > > Perhaps Mr Bush needs to wipe out everyone who could possibly be a
> > > future terrorist? Maybe he can't be sure he's achieved his objective
> > > until every Muslim fundamentalist is dead? But then some moderate
> > > Muslims might convert to fundamentalism. Maybe the only really safe
> > > thing to do would be for Mr Bush to eliminate all Muslims?
> > >
> > > It's the same in my street. Mr Johnson and Mr Patel are just the tip
> > > of the iceberg. There are dozens of other people in the street who I
> > > don't like and who - quite frankly - look at me in odd ways. No one
> > > will be really safe until I've wiped them all out. My wife says I
> > > might be going too far but I tell her I'm simply using the same logic
> > > as the President of the United States. That shuts her up.
> > >
> > > Like Mr Bush, I've run out of patience, and if that's a good enough
> > > reason for the President, it's good enough for me. I'm going to give
> > > the whole street two weeks - no, 10 days - to come out in the open
> > > and hand over all aliens and interplanetary hijackers, galactic
> > > outlaws and interstellar terrorist masterminds, and if they don't
> > > hand them over nicely and say 'Thank you', I'm going to bomb the
> > > entire street to kingdom come.
> > >
> > > It's just as sane as what George W. Bush is proposing - and, in
> > > contrast to what he's intending, my policy will destroy only one
> > > street.
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I wasn't really going to report anything. In fact, if I hadn't made that joke none of this fapping would exist. Be grateful for what I have given you today.
It's like Pringles: once you fap you can't stop, until you do indeed er, pop that is.
I'll leave you two to enjoy a friendly session of mutual fappage.
Flipfap flipfap flipfap fap fpa paf paf puff huff wipe
Hur Hur
I'm reporting you for that
I'm reporting you for that
*shakes fist*
Yeah Porny, report us for posting nonsensical words.
*fap fap fap fap fap fapfapfapfapfapfapfapfap fap fap*
*fap fap fap fap fap fapfapfapfapfapfapfapfap fap fap*
Goaty claims he invented fapping? Well I'm sure some 12 year old Neanderthal might have something to say about that. Anyway I'd like to see the report landing on Snugly's desk, "Goatboy and Sagacious have been fapping in the Life forum, can you please ask them to stop".
True, but irrelevant...
Because it made you laugh.
*fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap*
*fap fap fap fap fap fap fap fap*
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