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"You’re going to make a movie…"

So there you are, sitting on your sofa watching re runs of Dads Army on UK Gold when all of a sudden the phone rings. You can’t be bothered to pick it up so you let it go to your novelty answer phone message. “Yo yo yo, this is the one and only Joe cool I’m too busy doing naughty things with fine looking ladies to pick up the phone, so please leave your message after this beep.” You smile. The man phoning introduces himself as one half of the Farrelly Brotherios, the Spanish version of the famous Farrelly Brothers. You suddenly sit up and rush to the phone, you pick it up and tell him your there. You have a long talk and he wants to give you £80 million to make a movie, without even seeing a script or anything he will just send you the money with out hesitation. You put the phone down with Adrenaline streaming through your body. You go to sleep with ideas running through your head. You wake up and sure enough on the door matt is an envelope from Spain, you hurriedly open it and there it is, a cheque for £80 million. But there is a letter too saying that in 5 months the Farrelly Brotherios will visit you to see how you’re doing.

So basically the question is, if you were given £80 million to make a movie, what would your film be like? Would it be Action? Erotic? Comedy? Romantic? Who will play the parts? To get the ball rolling I’ll start.


The film would be about a man who’s single, depressed and lonely who wakes up one day and by chance gets muddled up in a terrorist switch of briefcases, your given a briefcase filled with money while they receive one filled with plutonium! He doesn’t know what to do, but he decides to go mental and do everything he has ever wanted. The film would be a comedy/romantic and seeing as though I’m 15 there would be a few sex scenes in there, actually stuff that, all out lesbian sex warfare. The man at the end would find true love but he takes it for granted and she leaves him, and after a few years of wild parties, sex and fun he would be left with nothing, no money and nobody to love him. So once again he would be single, depressed and lonely but all of those things in a Beverly Hills mansion. He becomes a hermit, never leaving his house, shopping over the Internet and the like. He becomes the ‘b****r man’ and all the children make stories about him, he apparently has 7 arms, 4 heads and a large kneecap. He dies at the age of 68 of a cardiac arrest in his bed, with the curtains drawn and nobody around him.

That actually sounds funning miserable really. Oh well, it’s just a first draft.

Now, who would play the characters? I’d have Nicolas Cage as the man. I know a lot of you hate his acting skills but I like him. His wife that leaves him would be Renee Zellweger, good actor. Of course I would throw in Kelly Brook, Carmen Electra and Jennifer Lopez for the lesbian scenes. Also Ricky Gervais, Jim Carrey and Johnny Knoxville would be fitted in there somewhere.

So, now it’s your turn. Go wild.

So there you are, sitting on your sofa watching re runs of Dads Army on UK Gold when all of a sudden the phone rings. You can’t be bothered to pick it up so you let it go to your novelty answer phone message. “Yo yo yo, this is the one and only Joe cool I’m too busy doing naughty things with fine looking ladies to pick up the phone, so please leave your message after this beep.” You smile. The man phoning introduces himself as one half of the Farrelly Brotherios, the Spanish version of the famous Farrelly Brothers. You suddenly sit up and rush to the phone, you pick it up and tell him your there. You have a long talk and he wants to give you £80 million to make a movie, without even seeing a script or anything he will just send you the money with out hesitation. You put the phone down with Adrenaline streaming through your body. You go to sleep with ideas running through your head. You wake up and sure enough on the door matt is an envelope from Spain, you hurriedly open it and there it is, a cheque for £80 million. But there is a letter too saying that in 5 months the Farrelly Brotherios will visit you to see how you’re doing.

So basically the question is, if you were given £80 million to make a movie, what would your film be like? Would it be Action? Erotic? Comedy? Romantic? Who will play the parts? To get the ball rolling I’ll start.


The film would be about a man who’s single, depressed and lonely who wakes up one day and by chance gets muddled up in a terrorist switch of briefcases, your given a briefcase filled with money while they receive one filled with plutonium! He doesn’t know what to do, but he decides to go mental and do everything he has ever wanted. The film would be a comedy/romantic and seeing as though I’m 15 there would be a few sex scenes in there, actually stuff that, all out lesbian sex warfare. The man at the end would find true love but he takes it for granted and she leaves him, and after a few years of wild parties, sex and fun he would be left with nothing, no money and nobody to love him. So once again he would be single, depressed and lonely but all of those things in a Beverly Hills mansion. He becomes a hermit, never leaving his house, shopping over the Internet and the like. He becomes the ‘b****r man’ and all the children make stories about him, he apparently has 7 arms, 4 heads and a large kneecap. He dies at the age of 68 of a cardiac arrest in his bed, with the curtains drawn and nobody around him.

That actually sounds funning miserable really. Oh well, it’s just a first draft.

Now, who would play the characters? I’d have Nicolas Cage as the man. I know a lot of you hate his acting skills but I like him. His wife that leaves him would be Renee Zellweger, good actor. Of course I would throw in Kelly Brook, Carmen Electra and Jennifer Lopez for the lesbian scenes. Also Ricky Gervais, Jim Carrey and Johnny Knoxville would be fitted in there somewhere.

So, now it’s your turn. Go wild.

I'd pay $10 million each to Denise Richards and Sherylin Fenn to eat each other for an hour.
Then keep the other $60 million to spend on myself.

Highest Grossing film ever made.
I promise.

Nice idea but what id do is:

If the brothers gave me 80 million dollars to make a film i'd:

spend 1 million on setting up a new identity preferably billy smith. Set up a new life in some hot foreign country bribe the prime minister or ruler of the country into making bigamy and trigamy and quadigamy and all the others legal. After this i would marry the 20 nicest ladies on the island. And then i would live the rest of my life in absolute bliss.

I'd probably adapt my Half-Life story to film. Not sure if £80mill would cover the effects budget for the last half hour or so though.

I remember Dad's Army...


I'd probably have some kind of film involving giant apes and world domination.

Everyone loves apes.

I'd make some rip-roaring caper with Roger Moore, Arnie and Jackie Chan as three fun-loving guys having a fun-filled adventure. That's about it.

I'd make some drama thriller. But I'm no good at plots.
If there was more money I'd bring some new faces into the film as well as famous actors just to help them start their career.

I decided before that if I ever won big on the Lottery then I'd use the money to make a film. I am actually in the process of writing a few at the moment:

1. A Cow Eating A Pig
2. Bus 31
3. Powers

The first I have a synopsis for plus some scenes scripted and the other two are still in planning. Why am I doing them? When I'm older I either want to write for film or telivision. I'm quite interested in writing animated comedy or just childrens cartoons too.

Well, I've always wanted to make...a Metal Gear Solid movie, based on the first one. :D

Sean Bean would play Solid Snake, Angelina Jolie would be Meryl, Michael Clarke Duncan as Vulcan Raven (paint him green on something) and...some British guy would play Liquid Snake.

I'd use most of the music from the game (especially during the sad scenes), maybe add a bit more to the plot, some extra action scenes and in my ending, Meryl would die. {:)

Oooh, ooh, and Samuel L Jackson would play the DARPA Chief. :D

I'd make a big crazy random movie, based in the plains of Afrotown and Gerridville. The characters would be AJ and Gerrid, and we would have many great adventures involving Buxom Wenchmobiles, legless sheep and purple arthritic monkeys. It would be a lot of fun.

Seriously though, maybe I wouldn't make something about AJ and Gerrid, but it'd have to be something very random and pointless, because that would suit me to a tee. :-D