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Further to our recent communications when I promised to send 30000 more of our troops to the Gulf to help you to get control of the Iraqi oilwells from that nasty Mr Hussein, I'm sorry to say that we have a little bit of a problem.
Them selfish firemen have decided that they will go on strike after all and unfortunatley I am going to need the troops here in case we have any fires. It will also give me chance to get a bit of public support behind the troops when they see what a good job they do.
Maybe you could put the war off for a couple of weeks ?
Yours Faithfully.
Tony.
Them selfish firemen have decided that they will go on strike after all and unfortunatley I am going to need the troops here in case we have any fires. It will also give me chance to get a bit of public support behind the troops when they see what a good job they do.
Maybe you could put the war off for a couple of weeks ?
Yours Faithfully.
Tony.
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Dear Sad,
Are you sure you don't want me to hijack Air Force One? I've got the itch to do it.
Cheers for setting me up here man, the bungalow in Skegness is tops, and a brilliant control centre.
Remember, you didn't see me.
Hugs 'n' Kisses
Osama
Are you sure you don't want me to hijack Air Force One? I've got the itch to do it.
Cheers for setting me up here man, the bungalow in Skegness is tops, and a brilliant control centre.
Remember, you didn't see me.
Hugs 'n' Kisses
Osama
*pishes himself*
Kim,
Whilst I appreciate your plight and unhappiness at not being "one of the boys" as far as we're concerned with the Dictator List 2003, I can assure you that we have in no way forgotten you.
The thing is, Kimmy - can I call you Kimmy? - you scare us. There, I said it.
Saddam is kind of the class retard, everyone slaps him about to make themselves feel better, whilst you're the inscrutable Oriental. We'd sincerely like to open a can of whoopass on you, but we're frightened of you.
We were going to impose sanctions when we heard about your newklear capabilities but then you went and said that such a move would amount to an act of war. It's not that we don't *want* to have a scrap with you, we're just concerned that you would destroy us in a heartbeat.
Y'see, Hussein and Bin Laden? They're straw dogs. They look mean and bark, but you can kick them over and go home in time for jello. But you guys? You guys are hardcore. There are millions of you and you're a force to be reckoned with.
I was talking to Tony about it, and he just started wimpering about this whole thing. So I was thinking...what if we just ignored you totally and let you go about yer business?
Deal?
Best regards and politest fear
Dubya
ps - we kicked our B52 over the fence, can we please come and get it?
Whilst I appreciate your plight and unhappiness at not being "one of the boys" as far as we're concerned with the Dictator List 2003, I can assure you that we have in no way forgotten you.
The thing is, Kimmy - can I call you Kimmy? - you scare us. There, I said it.
Saddam is kind of the class retard, everyone slaps him about to make themselves feel better, whilst you're the inscrutable Oriental. We'd sincerely like to open a can of whoopass on you, but we're frightened of you.
We were going to impose sanctions when we heard about your newklear capabilities but then you went and said that such a move would amount to an act of war. It's not that we don't *want* to have a scrap with you, we're just concerned that you would destroy us in a heartbeat.
Y'see, Hussein and Bin Laden? They're straw dogs. They look mean and bark, but you can kick them over and go home in time for jello. But you guys? You guys are hardcore. There are millions of you and you're a force to be reckoned with.
I was talking to Tony about it, and he just started wimpering about this whole thing. So I was thinking...what if we just ignored you totally and let you go about yer business?
Deal?
Best regards and politest fear
Dubya
ps - we kicked our B52 over the fence, can we please come and get it?
Dear editor of CNN,
we are planning a surprise raid on Saddam's bunker, Baghdad, Iraq (ask the locals for directions if lost, they'll point you in the direction of the secret task force) on February 26 at 04:00 using a combined force of British SAS and American Delta Force. Can you please make sure that you have your cameras there, ready to roll to capture this moment for prosperity. I have also taken the opportunity to write to Saddam to inform him of the secret raid, thus enabling him to be in smart military dress (for the cameras-lighting/makeup shouldn't be a problem as we've sent our best guys and gals from Hollywood over) when we capture him. He appreciated me writing to him and says that he is sending me something "extra special" in the post in return. What a nice fella, I wish all our enemies fought with the same dignity that he does.
Yours,
President Bush
p.s don't tell anyone at congress about this, I want to surprise them with the news.
we are planning a surprise raid on Saddam's bunker, Baghdad, Iraq (ask the locals for directions if lost, they'll point you in the direction of the secret task force) on February 26 at 04:00 using a combined force of British SAS and American Delta Force. Can you please make sure that you have your cameras there, ready to roll to capture this moment for prosperity. I have also taken the opportunity to write to Saddam to inform him of the secret raid, thus enabling him to be in smart military dress (for the cameras-lighting/makeup shouldn't be a problem as we've sent our best guys and gals from Hollywood over) when we capture him. He appreciated me writing to him and says that he is sending me something "extra special" in the post in return. What a nice fella, I wish all our enemies fought with the same dignity that he does.
Yours,
President Bush
p.s don't tell anyone at congress about this, I want to surprise them with the news.
Dearest Saddam,
I feel greatly for your country and its people in this time of tyranny. I am driven to writing this letter as we two share one common enemy, which uses its ill-gotten power to bully smaller states into submission. We here in North Korea have suffered disposition caused by the United States, but I am in awe of the vigour with which they pursue you as some sort of terrorist anti-christ, despite the fact your army couldn't fill one of your presidential palaces and the rockets you allegedly possess can barely make it out of Iraq.
It makes no sense to me why the US and UK should villify you as the worlds worst dictator. It is I who am months away from developing nuclear weapons, it is I who have rockets that can hit anywhere in Japan, China or Taiwan, it is I that has the biggest army in the world not allied to the US. I will soon have missiles that can hit Alaska, but no matter how hard I try, you always seem to usurp me as bad boy #1 just by virtue of having a few thousand troops armed with AK-47s and tea-towels on their heads. Could you possibly give me some pointers as to how I can improve my dictatorial image?
Or is there some other controlling factor as to why the coalition is knocking on your door rather than mine,
Regards,
Kim Jong-Il
I feel greatly for your country and its people in this time of tyranny. I am driven to writing this letter as we two share one common enemy, which uses its ill-gotten power to bully smaller states into submission. We here in North Korea have suffered disposition caused by the United States, but I am in awe of the vigour with which they pursue you as some sort of terrorist anti-christ, despite the fact your army couldn't fill one of your presidential palaces and the rockets you allegedly possess can barely make it out of Iraq.
It makes no sense to me why the US and UK should villify you as the worlds worst dictator. It is I who am months away from developing nuclear weapons, it is I who have rockets that can hit anywhere in Japan, China or Taiwan, it is I that has the biggest army in the world not allied to the US. I will soon have missiles that can hit Alaska, but no matter how hard I try, you always seem to usurp me as bad boy #1 just by virtue of having a few thousand troops armed with AK-47s and tea-towels on their heads. Could you possibly give me some pointers as to how I can improve my dictatorial image?
Or is there some other controlling factor as to why the coalition is knocking on your door rather than mine,
Regards,
Kim Jong-Il
Insane Bartender wrote:
> Dear Tony/George,
>
> Is it really necessary to copy me in on all these e-mails?
>
> Regards,
> Saddam
* sorry - just peed myself :-) *
> Dear Tony/George,
>
> Is it really necessary to copy me in on all these e-mails?
>
> Regards,
> Saddam
* sorry - just peed myself :-) *
Saddy,
Jesus dude...sorry, sorry, Allah dude.
Are you *trying* to give this away? I mean c'mon man, you just stand there and wave a lot remember?
I told you it'll be alright, we aint gonna do anything! You go to Saudi, we move in with some other moustache-dude. Then you cozy up to The Emirates, team up with Bin Laden and then we got the go-ahead for all-out, newk-lear war.
Don't tell me you want *more* money?
Dubya
Jesus dude...sorry, sorry, Allah dude.
Are you *trying* to give this away? I mean c'mon man, you just stand there and wave a lot remember?
I told you it'll be alright, we aint gonna do anything! You go to Saudi, we move in with some other moustache-dude. Then you cozy up to The Emirates, team up with Bin Laden and then we got the go-ahead for all-out, newk-lear war.
Don't tell me you want *more* money?
Dubya
Dear Tony/George,
Is it really necessary to copy me in on all these e-mails?
Regards,
Saddam
Is it really necessary to copy me in on all these e-mails?
Regards,
Saddam
Tony,
Whoa there fella. I ain't gonna touch Korea, let me make that 100% clear ok? We've been there before, and it weren't all M*A*S*H, I can tell you. Nope, we're just gonna ignore Korea and concentrate on them there Iraqis. Daddy says after 2 months of continous carpet bombing, we can send ground troops in to poke around the rubble with special poking-sticks and look cool on CNN.
Last time we ran off half-cocked was to Vietnam, and we got our bee-hinds served to us on a plate. No siree, we only take on funny-coloured folks if we can lob bombs and stuff from the middle of the ocean - got that? Besides, I've been talking to Rumsfeld and he tells me that we've got new thangs you can't even dream about Tony. Ever heard of missiles that only hit targets? I know, I know...sounds like a fairytale eh? Well it is! HAHAHAHA, got you good eh? You wacky Limeys and yo irony!
Nah, you have your little fireman strike. Give props to your troops for saving lives and all that good stuff. Then, when everyone thinks soldiers are the second coming, send 'em on over to The Sandbox and we'll shoot us some towel-heads. It's like that whole Iran thing with Reagan, arms-for-hostages remember?
Who'd a thunk that 20 years later we'd be on Iran's side and throwing them missiles at our old pal Saddy?
It's a weird world Tony, weird world.
Love
Dubya
Whoa there fella. I ain't gonna touch Korea, let me make that 100% clear ok? We've been there before, and it weren't all M*A*S*H, I can tell you. Nope, we're just gonna ignore Korea and concentrate on them there Iraqis. Daddy says after 2 months of continous carpet bombing, we can send ground troops in to poke around the rubble with special poking-sticks and look cool on CNN.
Last time we ran off half-cocked was to Vietnam, and we got our bee-hinds served to us on a plate. No siree, we only take on funny-coloured folks if we can lob bombs and stuff from the middle of the ocean - got that? Besides, I've been talking to Rumsfeld and he tells me that we've got new thangs you can't even dream about Tony. Ever heard of missiles that only hit targets? I know, I know...sounds like a fairytale eh? Well it is! HAHAHAHA, got you good eh? You wacky Limeys and yo irony!
Nah, you have your little fireman strike. Give props to your troops for saving lives and all that good stuff. Then, when everyone thinks soldiers are the second coming, send 'em on over to The Sandbox and we'll shoot us some towel-heads. It's like that whole Iran thing with Reagan, arms-for-hostages remember?
Who'd a thunk that 20 years later we'd be on Iran's side and throwing them missiles at our old pal Saddy?
It's a weird world Tony, weird world.
Love
Dubya
Dear George
Yes I know about all that but it just seems that the public over just aren't as gullible as we hoped.
I was watching the telly this morning and it seems that my popularity rating is still dropping and it seems that just having a quick barney with Saddam isn't going to be enough to help.
How's about we send a few nukes into Korea at the same time - it would certainly give them something else to think about. We could claim that they are developing the nukes to supply to Osama and that he is hiding in one of the powers stations. Nobody would be left to dispute it.
Tony
Yes I know about all that but it just seems that the public over just aren't as gullible as we hoped.
I was watching the telly this morning and it seems that my popularity rating is still dropping and it seems that just having a quick barney with Saddam isn't going to be enough to help.
How's about we send a few nukes into Korea at the same time - it would certainly give them something else to think about. We could claim that they are developing the nukes to supply to Osama and that he is hiding in one of the powers stations. Nobody would be left to dispute it.
Tony
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