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"Male Manifesto"

This is a call for my fellow tripods to stand up and claim their dignity back.
For too long we've been cast as the villains. Male dominated workplaces, pubs etc. Then the tide turned and females rose to prominance.
This is cool, I have no problem with that. Except when it's at the expense of male pride of the idea of maleness.

We have lost our way. Or as Tyler Durden puts it in Fight Club, "We are a generation of men raised by women, I'm thinking is another woman the answer".
This is not an anti-woman post before you all start throwing estrogen grenades at me or shrieking like angry chickens.
This is me saying that man have lost their identity, pride, dignity and balls. And it's time to take them back.
You doubt that we're seen as a floundering, clueless emasculated gender?
TV commercials. We're seen as incompetant at housework, useless at social functions and utterly lost. Blokes in dresses advertising kitchen-tissue,a bloke licking a trail of beer around the house to get him to clean up only to fall asleep when she pours it on herself?

And you men know what I'm talking about.
Ever wanted to hang out with mates but you're spending "quality time" together so you don't do that?
I used to, I know this. Staying at girlfriend's over the weekend, used to come back Sunday afternoon to meet mates and play video games. Did I tell her this? No.
Why not? Because she had my balls in her purse. And deep down you know you've done the same. You've kept quiet for an "easy life", passed up being with males to keep her happy. Yet she'll quite cheerfully go out with her mates, or have them over for the evening and you're expected to sit outside the room.
But when you do that, she gets moody right?

It's time to claim your pride back.
All these little books you can buy - for women. "Women are from Mars, Men are From Sperm", "Little book of calm" blah blah blah. Trite nonsense designed to meet certain emotional needs.
Blokes, how many times have you heard this:
"So and so at work is bugging me"
"I'll smash his face off for you"
"No, I dont want you to fix it, I just want to moan"
That's the fundemental difference here, we hear the woman has a problem,we want to fix it.
It's primal, the protector instinct. But it's been bred out of us, we've become domesticated household pets.
We have become this prissy little appendages good for mocking when they're at work (and she *does* moan about you, I promise) and her female mates all cluck and nod in sympathy.

"New Man" - a media myth that we bought. We fell for it hook, line and sinker. We started to think about "our emotions" and lost the plot. Sensitive, weepy new-age men that "understand your pain" and write poems about how hard life is.
I'm not saying we should be insensitive chauvenist pigs. I'm saying you shouldn't be afraid to say "I'm seeing my mates this weekend, sorry".
Or instead of dragging round the shops in woeful misery, say "Nope" and pick her up afterwards.
Blokes dont enjoy shopping m'kay? We know what we want before we leave, we go straight there, buy it and leave. No traipsing around Lakeside for 5hrs just browsing.
But you'll see herds of lost, sad men in Debenhams/John Lewis carrying the bags. We see another male and nod in recognition before wandering around exhaling slowly and thinking about how to get past the boss on that game.
They know this, some stores now have "creches" for men with magazines and tv. They're called "creches". You see how this is working?
We're helpless infants still needing "mum" to help us.

Well balls to that.
I'm a bloke. I smoke, I like porn. I like playing video-games, I like seeing my mates. I like playing my drums (no women at rehearsals, that's Gospel). And I'll be damned if I ever surrender my identity or happiness for the sake of a girlfriend.
That's not to say I treat it like warfare, I just set it out from the start.
I wont do dinner parties, I wont do IKEA on a Sunday looking for lampshades. And you know why? Because blokes dont care about that crap.
My 1st flat, me and a mate. There were movie posters, a Scooby Doo print and ONE plant - bought by a parent.

And trust me, women are getting fed up with blokes acting like ball-less little wimpy men.
You doubt that? Go find a woman and ask her if she saw "Gladiator".
She'll nod and make a comment about Russel Crowe. Why? Because he was nails-hard, fought for her honour/vengeance and she knows she'd be safe out with him.
Take your new-age, simpering wimpering little ideas of what a man should be and cram them.

I'm a bloke and I refuse to shuffle around in a woman-enforced idea of who I am and how I behave.
Men - take back your pride and dignity and stand up for yourselves. It's genetic, it's primal. We're hunter/gatherers, not sympathetic whiney men that take candle-lit baths *unless* you ask us and we're gonna get laid afterwards.

Be proud of being a bloke for chrissakes before we're in a museum.
Chris Martin? New-age fairy man that women think are "sweet"
Maximus? Old school bloke that women want to hump silly and try to tame.

And if you still need proof, ever heard this?
"You're like my brother"
"I really like you as a mate"
"You're sweet, I feel I can tell you anything"

That means you blew it Conan, you ain't ever seeing her naked. Which is the ultimate goal of every bloke here when talking to a woman in a social situation that isn't
(a) Related to you
(b) A minger
(c) Illegally young

Fact: If you're in a pub/club etc and a bloke comes over and starts to tell you how interested he is in you as a person blah blah, he's exactly the same as the bloke that comes over and says "Alright darling, is that a ladder in your tights or a stairway to heaven?"

Men, it's time to make your choice.
Nice, polite, understanding Coldplay type bloke that is a "good mate" and will end up being cheated on because "He's nice but boring" or the type of bloke that women want to "tame"?
It's the challenge they like, to be able to think they broke you like a pony and now you're "theirs".

Be a bloke - dont be a p****-whipped crybaby.

Goaty has a point.

I think there should be more jobs that entail reverse parking and throwing tennis balls, that way we'll still have a predominant role in society.

Position vacant: Car reversing operative.

Essential skills: The ability to parallel park and to throw tennis balls at looming Traffic Wardens.

Salary: £40,000 pa plus benefits in lieu of waved pension such as free 10% off vouchers to any "as much as you can eat" food emporium in the vicinty.

ON a tangent for a sec: I read an ad a couple of years ago in a local paper (the fun you can have reading the lonely hearts shi*e) that said

"me man, she bisexual".

For someone in such a "modern" relationship it was heartwarming to see his Neanderthal, guttural phrasing coming to the fore.

Cheers nh!

You couldn't do that if you had a child under 5

Even then they finish at about 3/4

If women took over and we took on their old role:

They'ed have to go out to work and support the family.
Children are now in school for most of the day so we wouldn't have to look after them.
Due to the mnay technological advancements in home maintenance technology, the housework now takes much less effort and time.
Take-away and microwave food is cheap, we wouldn't have to cook.
Shopping can be done online and delivered, no hassle there.


This would leave men with lots of free time and:

The Internet is cheap.
Computer gaming has never been so strong.
Pubs can now open 24 hours a day.
There are hundreds of channels on TV.
You could go to the gym and work off your beer belly without shame because all of the women would be in work.



I say we let them.

Rosalind wrote:
> Wow, you talked a lot of sens then.
>
---

There are moments of clarity in this murky testosterone existence.
But then I go bash one out and it passes.

Lol,

My personal favourite though is 'smuggling peanuts'

Pasta, mate. Trust me in that there are some women that appreciate honest, old fashioned male behaviour.

Girl at work today
"What are you grinning at?"
"Cold are you?"
"Eh?...you're staring at my nips aren't you?"
"Hell yes. They look like monkey's toes right now"
"That's horrid"
"No it's not."
"Men.." *shakes her head and proceeds to sit opposite me and re-arrange.

Wow, you talked a lot of sens then.

(I can't believe I admited that)

Alas, so babs, I'm not into poo.

Rolling round in mud sounds good though....

Mmmmmmmmm....

(Due to my current situation I am allowed to be pervy)

Rosalind wrote:
> Hmm. You have a point there. This is i think about a lot. (No not
> that!).
> Why do I want a man, when women look much more attractive, more on my
> wavelength. More touchy-feely, more supportive etc. etc.
-----

Long and serious attempt to explain some of my ideas here:

Because of, what I feel, is inherent genetic coding. I'm talking at a primal level.
Years ago, women looked after stuff and blokes went out and caught dinner. If another bloke tried to get into your cave, you brained them.
That's simplifying it a lot, but I think that's what exists at an unconcious level. Now I'm not saying "Get back in the kitchen woman", I'm saying that deep down in neurons and sub-particle level, we retain some base memory of male/female roles.

Think about it.
The female is viewed as the mother figure. Not strictly in a parenting sense, but certainly in a maternal, protective fashion. Matriachal societies are calmer, less warlike and more orgainsed (bees, ants etc), whereas male dominated groups are boisterous, cantankerous mobs.
Everything that indicates life and substaining life is female.
Mother Earth for example. When you’re ill, who do you want? Mum. When you want a problem fixed, it’s Dad.

I think females are just more understanding, nurturing, supportive and caring. And that’s perfectly fine with me, and not in a long-dress wishy-washy way either. Women get ill, they carry on. Blokes get a cold and they lay on the floor asking for last rights. We can’t handle illness at all. Women are just hardier at surviving I think.
But in accepting this view, you also have to accept the notion (however outdated) of man as the hunter/gatherer. But this has been removed in the past 25 years so we’re lost and don’t know what the hell to do with ourselves.
Traditional male pastimes of sport? A lot of women watch footie and rugby now and know just as much
Drinking and shagging? Ladd-ete culture evened the playing fields on that one as well.
We don’t have a purpose anymore. You don’t need us to protect you from tigers. You don’t need us to build a shelter for you. You don’t even need us for replication now.
We’ve become out-dated. We’re MS-DOS to the female Windows XP. Redundant.

Women are taking over in the workplace, at home and pretty much everywhere. And whilst this is not a bad thing, what is a bad thing is seeing men slowly losing their identity. Traditional roles have been taken away and we’re left with an uncertain future.
Women offer more than men do. They can multi-task and do it well.
About the only thing we’re still better at is throwing.

Everything you need, you can get from a woman.
Especially now the notion of being a “man” has been modified to the point where we behave exactly like women but with todgers. We are no longer a viable option.
Which is why I say we take back our identity.
Create the role of a man again. Not a chauvinist assface pig at all.
But sensitive, caring, nurturing men that use moisturizers and lotions, mud-packs for the face etc?
You ARE a woman and just put on a dress and swish about for us.