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"Hail Brother Ant." SHEEPY said. "What does thou bring us in this time of woe?"
"Hail Brother." Ant replied. "I bring news of a game."
"What game is this you speak of?" Said I.
"It is the one true game. The one that will bind us all." Ant reached into his sack, and withdrew thy press release.
"It is what I've always dreamed of, and yet, my dreams never seem so real." Said I.
"It is of true beauty." Said Ant.
"An online RPG?" Inquired Snipe. "What's so good about an online RPG?"
Ant and I gave Snipe an evil look.
"You do not see the whole picture, misguided one." I remarked.
"Certainly not." Ant stared at the game again. "Lord Lucas would not be pleased to hear of such blasphemy."
"Lord Lucas? What the hell are you lot blabbing on about anyway?"
"Behold. The Star Wars Online RPG is being developed, and you can now sign up for the beta testing."
"I shall not wait to do so. Goodbye gentlemen." Said I.
Snipe continued to argue with Ant and Sheepy well into the night, until Ant withdrew his +5 attack Lightsaber, and Sheepy attacked Snipe with his +15 force grip.
"Greetings. Pleasant evening, is it not?"
The guard nodded his head in agreement.
"A fine night for a walk, is it not...?" continued the cowled figure whilst making complicated patterns with its hands in front of the guard's grim face. Again the guard could only agree.
"I would suggest.." hands now waving frantically, "that you should take a walk. A long walk. For about 2 hours. Start walking now...."
The guard thought that this was a great night for a walk on the deadly plains of Forolan, where people had been known to vanish without trace within 5 minutes of entering them, so off he went.
The cowled figure ducked into the doorway and made its way down the dark corridors, the silence only broken by the rustling of its cape and the odd snore emitting from the sleeping quarters leading off in all directions. The figure opened a door to a small room at the end of the corridor, and made its way over to a mural suspended above a hole in the floor. It reached out, and deftly twirled the dial at the side, and stood back.
The mural at first was still, then began to emit smoke from its edges, and a figure emerged from the complicated pattern designed on the tough carbonite casing. The carbonite began to glow, first red hot then white hot, and began to fizzle and melt. The figure darted a quick glance down the corridor to make sure that no one had been disturbed, then turned its attention back to the mural. A figure could now be clearly seen, and the cowled one stepped forward to catch it as it fell, but unfortunately tripped on its cape, caught the body, and went plummeting down the hole with the body tumbling on top of it all the way down.
They landed in a heap at the bottom. The cowled figure had now lost its cowl, and could clearly be seen in the torchlight at the bottom of the tunnel to be Jedi Grix. The body, which was coughing and spluttering, could only be FantasyMeister.
"You OK?"
"Hot..water..water!!"
Grix swiftly pulled out his flask and proffered it to FM, who drank greedily and began to feel better, until he noticed a jet of water coming from his belly where there was a hole that shouldn't have been there.
"Oh, I got shot again?"
"Looks like it. Here." Grix passed FM a wad of cloth with which to plug the hole. "We can fix it properly when we get out of here."
"Where are we?"
"Forolan. Bleeder the Hutt's Palace. Below the toilet. In the sewers."
FantasyMeister was about to say that they were probably in something else, but thought better of it. He needed to conserve his strength.
"Hang on!" he said. "What about Princess Leia? Isn't she meant to be here in this bit of the story?"
"You know how it is, it's that time of the season."
"Eh?"
"The moon has completed it's cycle."
"Uh?"
"Oh, never mind! I had to stand in because she didn't feel up to it. Now let's get out of here!"
They made their way along the dark tunnel, following the flow of the stench-laden evil smelling water that trickled beneath the palace, FantasyMeister limping along on his good leg and wondering how long it would be before he could take a nice cold shower again.
4 hours later, they emerged from the sewer outlet. Dawn was breaking over Shorodac, and waves of purple light were beginning to wash over the barren plains of the dusty planet. A few yards away from the outlet was a small shuttle craft, marked up as a fleet trading vessel. A door slid open on its side as the men approached it, and a small, cylinder shaped robot rolled out of it on its wheels.
"What," stared FantasyMeister, "is that!?"
"C-chea-P0. I got him at a discount. He's a comms robot. He speaks every known language in the Galaxy." Grix grinned to himself, he was rather proud at obtaining this minor miracle of technology at such a small price.
FantasyMeister stooped down to regard the robot more closely. "So, clever are you little fella?"
"Beep?"
"You are intelligent, are you?" FantasyMeister tried again.
"Beep?"
FantasyMeister turned to Grix, who was shuffling his feet. "I thought you said this thing spoke every known language in the Galaxy, Grix?"
"Er, except English. That's why he was so cheap."
After a moment's silence while the two Jedi's glared at each other, FantasyMeister went aboard the shuttle without another word.
"I think he's upset," said Grix to C-chea-p0.
"Beep?"
"He'll be more upset when he finds out I traded the Millennium Ant for you, though. Think I should tell him?"
"Beep?"
"Yeah, that's what I thought, too."
With a sigh reminiscent of one about to hear the words 'Ready, Aim, Fire', Grix followed the robot into the shuttle, and closed the hull door with a
*click*
__________
There is a well known rule in the Galaxy. Never approach space-craft from behind when they are about to take off. Unfortunately, one particular person, who had been through an awful lot lately, forgot this well-advised piece of folklore, and was running towards the shuttle and shouting "Hey! Wait for me!" just as FantasyMeister hit the throttle.
So, as Dark Sniper, survivor of multiple deaths, eagerly ran forward to greet his friends, he was greeted in return by a quadruple blast from the particle thrusters, which whipped up a cloud of sand, which whipped through the air at 30,000 miles per hour, instantly turning white hot in the gasses of the shuttles discharge, and milliseconds later blasted into Dark Sniper and, quite literally, sanded him to death. The last thing that went through his mind was a rather small piece of cauterised silicone. Which a second later landed on the barren plains of Forolan with a very quiet
*click*
"We would like to apologise for our earlier reporting of a story involving one 'Sniper'. Apparently our story was inaccurate. We have been advised by agents acting on behalf of Mr. Sniper that he should have, in fact, have been referred to as 'Dark Sniper'. Our apologies for this.
We have also been corrected on another matter. Agents acting on behalf of the Hoth Traders' Guild have pointed out that they did not in any way sell body parts for snagnarrock food. They in fact melted them down to use as fuel for oil lamps for the Krizt Mass Celebrations that were due to be held that forthcoming weeks. Our apologies for this also."
More news, as it happens, from your Galactic Echo.
Related news:
Wanna see a real pair of satellites? Turn to page 3.
I'd like to clear up one thing. You've killed off Jedi Sniper 4 times so far. Very good. But it needs a little more description. We like that here at Industrial Light and Magic, and feel that it would help with selling the game of your book onto games publishers at a future date.
So kill him some more, but more graphics please. We'd like to do the game with a gore mode. See what you can do. I'll be watching.
See Ya!!
Darth
I aint going to join in because i would ruin it!
Anywho, enough inane babbling, on with the story.
hehehe
Halfway to the Emperors palace, FantasyMeister tried to overpower Er-No, but managed to get himself shot in the stomach.
Er-No made a detour to Cloud City to carbon freeze FantasyMeister so he would be safe for the whole journey.
But soon after leaving, Er-No's ship was boarded by rogue Imperial Officers, who stole FantasyMeister.
He now hangs above the toilet of Bleeders the Hutts bathroom.