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I broke up with my girlfriend, not on bad terms, but at first, on a break.
Because we were argueing probably half the time we saw each other.
Within a day this was changed to a break up.
There is no-one else involved.
I did find it hard to let go at first, and for the first three days we sent accusing texts and emails to each other.
Then I gave her space, we have just sent polite texts (not very emotionally heavy, in fact no emotions at all)
She text me one night, and I invited her round to my house (which I share with 4 other students)
We just watched telly and chatted, had a hug or two and that was it.
But last night was wierd. We unfortunatly do both go to Network scouts, so we see each other there loads. Last night after, a few of us (including her) went for a drink. They left, and we started talking to my group of friends, who were at the pub too.
We all left and went to see some fireworks at my house (we had a sort of posponed 5th november last night).
Everyone went except her and me, we were sat in the lounge watching a film, were quite drunk and all of a sudden we were kissing...... I don't need to go on.
What the f is happening. I want to get over her, she hurt me more by refusing to work on our problems and not talking to me than anything (previously she had always done this).
I could say
Men are cold-hearted, emotion voids who are only interested in sex and
> food from a woman. They string you along until you feel safe with
> them and then dump for a younger/slimmer/prettier girl.
---
It's a cold world Ros, but at least you get it.
*shrugs*
I've been nice, I would have burned the heavens if she asked me to. You name it, I would have done it or did it.
And what happened? "blah blah not going anywhere blah blah need space"
I agree and suddenly realise there are a whole bunch of fitter, sexier, happier women out there.
Which is the exact point she changes her mind and "I made a mistake"
Yup,you certainly did.
I've been with women that I've been into, could've seen girlfriend potential in and it has always turned weird.
I've been with women that want nothing more than good sex, honest and upfront and that suits me.
Relationships, in my opinion, are for those too scared to strike out on their own and need support.
It's not "love" or anything else, it's a safety net. Someone to complain to, use to feel better about themselves.
But it might just be me. All I know is I'm genuinely the happiest I've been for a good few years with no girlfriend, just a series of ####-buddies.
some stuff.
exactly the point I was trying to make! What Goatboy said may apply to some women. But It doesn't apply to all women.
> Men are cold-hearted, emotion voids who are only interested in sex and
> food from a woman. They string you along until you feel safe with
> them and then dump for a younger/slimmer/prettier girl.
Love these conversations.
I have barely any interest in sex, and often cook my own food. Certainly, I provide it all.
I've only ever strung one person along, and I shouldn't have done that, but she's engaged now, and happy, so I have nothing to feel guilty about.
I've also only once dumped someone for someone else. Yes, she was prettier and slimmer, but she was also older, smarter and more mature. Far more stimulating and interesting, and less of a leech on my finances.
Maybe men are pigs, but in general I don't see that women are any better. They just look nicer. Both sexes are emotionally insecure. Women needing love and comfort, and men needing reassurance of their libido.
Thanks for the advice IB, but my problem is I cant avoid seeing her,
She works in the pub that I have most frequently drowned my sorrows in since I moved to swansea, I have friends who go there (some of them joint friends) and I'm not giving up my friends because of her.
We also do have a lot of things to do together (with other people, but it makes it all the harder as they (mainly our friends) feel tension between us.
Whilst we were in the pub last night it was brilliant, I felt that I was really getting somewhere in accepting the fact that we have broken up, I thought she was too.
But then. hmmmmmm. I knew all along that last night really wasn't going to lead anywhere, and yet even on asking her what the hell we were doing we both decided to go on.
I just dont want to end up hating her.
> Women are stupid, emotional vampires and are only truly happy when
> feeding off their partner.
Thats a sweepimng generalisation.
I could say
Men are cold-hearted, emotion voids who are only interested in sex and food from a woman. They string you along until you feel safe with them and then dump for a younger/slimmer/prettier girl.
but I won't
No txts, no emails, no phone calls. Just go cold turkey, otherwise it'll always be in the back of your mind (or hers) that it's just a phase.
Split with my ex in May, tried to explain how and why it happened etc and it just got nasty.
So no contact at all, things pass quicker and easier.
Until, fool that I am, sent her an email along the "How you doing? What's happening" chatty kind of way and suddenly BAM, right back how it was just after the split.
----
Rational, helpful post out the way. Now I can rant:
Women are stupid, emotional vampires and are only truly happy when feeding off their partner.
They need reassurance constantly, yet when you do? "You're just saying that"
OF COURSE I BLOODY AM! I'M A BLOKE
Dont ask us if you look fat, you have done since the moment we landed you.
Before you gave it up, we phoned constantly, we tried to be witty etc with the emails and txts.
It was a challenge, once we've got you? Bored. Next.
A lot of women do the "I wonder if he likes me" trick after you've been dating for a while by suggesting that whole "We need some space".
What this translates into is "I want you to chase me and be upset and prove to me that I matter in your life".
Childish games I'll have no truck with.
Insecure, paranoid creatures that say they want love, comfort, respect, admiration, devotion, honesty and compassion.
Except when they get that? You're "safe" and "a really good mate"
It's a cliche, but they want you to treat them like dirt. They need to feel they're being pursued, it gives them a sense of worth.
Rubbish.
Stick to f###-buddies, it's the way forward. She isn't busy on a certain night, neither are you. You get together and take care of business, then go about your own lives with little or no thought about "relationship" stuff.
She is probably feeling just as confused as you are
Simple fact is, you start to miss it very quickly, so once you're in the same room as the person you just broke up with, it can relight the candle a little. But that's all it is. A few embers of passion sparking up a little and refusing to die. Don't be a fool and read too heavilly into it. You need to make a clean break and just avoid talking to her, seeing her, and especially spending time with her.
Time changes everything.
I broke up with my girlfriend, not on bad terms, but at first, on a break.
Because we were argueing probably half the time we saw each other.
Within a day this was changed to a break up.
There is no-one else involved.
I did find it hard to let go at first, and for the first three days we sent accusing texts and emails to each other.
Then I gave her space, we have just sent polite texts (not very emotionally heavy, in fact no emotions at all)
She text me one night, and I invited her round to my house (which I share with 4 other students)
We just watched telly and chatted, had a hug or two and that was it.
But last night was wierd. We unfortunatly do both go to Network scouts, so we see each other there loads. Last night after, a few of us (including her) went for a drink. They left, and we started talking to my group of friends, who were at the pub too.
We all left and went to see some fireworks at my house (we had a sort of posponed 5th november last night).
Everyone went except her and me, we were sat in the lounge watching a film, were quite drunk and all of a sudden we were kissing...... I don't need to go on.
What the f is happening. I want to get over her, she hurt me more by refusing to work on our problems and not talking to me than anything (previously she had always done this).