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Right, here is the lowdown,
I broke up with my girlfriend, not on bad terms, but at first, on a break.
Because we were argueing probably half the time we saw each other.
Within a day this was changed to a break up.
There is no-one else involved.
I did find it hard to let go at first, and for the first three days we sent accusing texts and emails to each other.
Then I gave her space, we have just sent polite texts (not very emotionally heavy, in fact no emotions at all)
She text me one night, and I invited her round to my house (which I share with 4 other students)
We just watched telly and chatted, had a hug or two and that was it.
But last night was wierd. We unfortunatly do both go to Network scouts, so we see each other there loads. Last night after, a few of us (including her) went for a drink. They left, and we started talking to my group of friends, who were at the pub too.
We all left and went to see some fireworks at my house (we had a sort of posponed 5th november last night).
Everyone went except her and me, we were sat in the lounge watching a film, were quite drunk and all of a sudden we were kissing...... I don't need to go on.
What the f is happening. I want to get over her, she hurt me more by refusing to work on our problems and not talking to me than anything (previously she had always done this).
I broke up with my girlfriend, not on bad terms, but at first, on a break.
Because we were argueing probably half the time we saw each other.
Within a day this was changed to a break up.
There is no-one else involved.
I did find it hard to let go at first, and for the first three days we sent accusing texts and emails to each other.
Then I gave her space, we have just sent polite texts (not very emotionally heavy, in fact no emotions at all)
She text me one night, and I invited her round to my house (which I share with 4 other students)
We just watched telly and chatted, had a hug or two and that was it.
But last night was wierd. We unfortunatly do both go to Network scouts, so we see each other there loads. Last night after, a few of us (including her) went for a drink. They left, and we started talking to my group of friends, who were at the pub too.
We all left and went to see some fireworks at my house (we had a sort of posponed 5th november last night).
Everyone went except her and me, we were sat in the lounge watching a film, were quite drunk and all of a sudden we were kissing...... I don't need to go on.
What the f is happening. I want to get over her, she hurt me more by refusing to work on our problems and not talking to me than anything (previously she had always done this).
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Don't diss the Ogre. The sex test says he's better in bed than I am.
Rosalind wrote:
I feel without love I am nobody. I feel without approval I am nobody.
---
This is the crux of what makes me so angry about relationships.
This isn't directed at you Ros, just in general:
You are exactly the same person regardless of someone telling you "I love you". You need approval from nobody but yourself. If you only exist through the emotions of other people, then that's a waste of life.
To have to rely on the validation of others is what causes so many people to drift into a relationship and they come to 40 years later and cant even remember why they got involved in the 1st place.
"It was comfort" "He said he loved me"
When what people should be doing is embarking on a quest.
A quest to find that one person, that one special person that compliments you. Not validates you or gives you approval, but fits with your views and outlook in life. That one person that understands what you mean to say and often can complete your thoughts without having to try.
It seems, instead of seeking out the person that can make everything click into place, most settle for someone that they're "alright" with, or "I'm comfortable".
"Are you happy?"
"...yeah I guess"
The worst answer in the world. Because you should be able to say "Yes I am, completely".
If not? Keep searching, dont settle for "yeah I guess"
It may take an age, it may never happen.
But I believe it's better to wander and search than it is to stop and make-do with "yeah I guess"
I feel without love I am nobody. I feel without approval I am nobody.
---
This is the crux of what makes me so angry about relationships.
This isn't directed at you Ros, just in general:
You are exactly the same person regardless of someone telling you "I love you". You need approval from nobody but yourself. If you only exist through the emotions of other people, then that's a waste of life.
To have to rely on the validation of others is what causes so many people to drift into a relationship and they come to 40 years later and cant even remember why they got involved in the 1st place.
"It was comfort" "He said he loved me"
When what people should be doing is embarking on a quest.
A quest to find that one person, that one special person that compliments you. Not validates you or gives you approval, but fits with your views and outlook in life. That one person that understands what you mean to say and often can complete your thoughts without having to try.
It seems, instead of seeking out the person that can make everything click into place, most settle for someone that they're "alright" with, or "I'm comfortable".
"Are you happy?"
"...yeah I guess"
The worst answer in the world. Because you should be able to say "Yes I am, completely".
If not? Keep searching, dont settle for "yeah I guess"
It may take an age, it may never happen.
But I believe it's better to wander and search than it is to stop and make-do with "yeah I guess"
Oh, and "the Ogre" is a name to make people laugh
You have a point Goatboy. The only person that you can really trust in this life is yourself. You are born alone, you live alone and you die alone. Nobody has any emotional responisibilty towards you.
I don't really have any right to even disscuss this as my boyfriend is the first person that I have been with who I have loved. Boyfriends before him were while I was still a child.
We can love, we can be loved, we can love more than one person, more than one person can love us. I want to love and be loved. I feel without love I am nobody. I feel without approval I am nobody.
Still I would rather love even if it is deluded, than not love. It the only way I survive.
I don't really have any right to even disscuss this as my boyfriend is the first person that I have been with who I have loved. Boyfriends before him were while I was still a child.
We can love, we can be loved, we can love more than one person, more than one person can love us. I want to love and be loved. I feel without love I am nobody. I feel without approval I am nobody.
Still I would rather love even if it is deluded, than not love. It the only way I survive.
It's a term I've been using for a while, I may have got it from that movie or picked it up from somewhere else.
Perfect description though. Sex and mates, all rolled into one
Perfect description though. Sex and mates, all rolled into one
Goatboy, have you recently watched vannilla sky? thats the only place I've ever heard the term ####buddy.
I really wish I'd seen the end of that film last night. It would save me so much f'king confusion.
I really wish I'd seen the end of that film last night. It would save me so much f'king confusion.
Insane Bartender wrote:
> Goatboy, batchelor extraordinaire.
---
Only for me, in my world.
It may not work for everyone and good luck to them.
I'd just like everyone to ask themselves one question:
Do you feel like the proudest person on earth when you walk into a room with your boy/girlfriend?
No? Then what the hell are you doing with them? This life soon ends, dont waste time settling for "ok".
Dont wake up when you're 60, look across at your partner and think "I really dont like you"
Get out there, find that person that makes you feel invincible, that person you email/txt several times a day, despite the fact you've been going out with each other for a while now. Find that person that thinks you are the single most incredible creature on this planet.
Anything else is killing time until you're too old to even remember what it was like to want to be with someone.
> Goatboy, batchelor extraordinaire.
---
Only for me, in my world.
It may not work for everyone and good luck to them.
I'd just like everyone to ask themselves one question:
Do you feel like the proudest person on earth when you walk into a room with your boy/girlfriend?
No? Then what the hell are you doing with them? This life soon ends, dont waste time settling for "ok".
Dont wake up when you're 60, look across at your partner and think "I really dont like you"
Get out there, find that person that makes you feel invincible, that person you email/txt several times a day, despite the fact you've been going out with each other for a while now. Find that person that thinks you are the single most incredible creature on this planet.
Anything else is killing time until you're too old to even remember what it was like to want to be with someone.
Insane Bartender wrote:
> I have barely any interest in sex:
NOT THIS PAST WEEK :O)
>
> and often cook my own food:
ERM.... NO, WE COOK TOGETHER
> Certainly, I provide it all:
YES AT THE MOMENT
>
> I've also only once dumped someone for someone else. Yes, she was
> prettier and slimmer, but she was also older, smarter and more mature.
> Far more stimulating and interesting, and less of a leech on my
> finances:
WHO WAS THAT?
>
> Maybe men are pigs, but in general I don't see that women are any
> better. They just look nicer:
NO THEY DONT, I CERTAINLY DONT LOOK NICER THAN YOU
> Both sexes are emotionally insecure:
TRUE
> Women needing love and comfort, and men needing reassurance of their
> libido:
WOMEN NEED REASURANCE FROM THEIR LABIDO AS WELL YOU KNOW, AND MEN NEED LOVE AND COMFORT TOO.....
> I have barely any interest in sex:
NOT THIS PAST WEEK :O)
>
> and often cook my own food:
ERM.... NO, WE COOK TOGETHER
> Certainly, I provide it all:
YES AT THE MOMENT
>
> I've also only once dumped someone for someone else. Yes, she was
> prettier and slimmer, but she was also older, smarter and more mature.
> Far more stimulating and interesting, and less of a leech on my
> finances:
WHO WAS THAT?
>
> Maybe men are pigs, but in general I don't see that women are any
> better. They just look nicer:
NO THEY DONT, I CERTAINLY DONT LOOK NICER THAN YOU
> Both sexes are emotionally insecure:
TRUE
> Women needing love and comfort, and men needing reassurance of their
> libido:
WOMEN NEED REASURANCE FROM THEIR LABIDO AS WELL YOU KNOW, AND MEN NEED LOVE AND COMFORT TOO.....
Rosalind wrote:
What Goatboy said may apply
> to some women. But It doesn't apply to all women.
---
Ah well I havent met them all, I'm just speaking about the ones I've crashed into along the way.
I'm sure I'll meet "the one" and want to spend the rest of my life with that someone and it'll all be roses and chocolates an...hang on,I did have that and it went bad.
Naah, there are those people happy to settle into routine and then there are those with single lives, friends/movies/meals out and it never gets dull.
Ros - do you remember a time when you'd spend hours getting ready to go out with "The Ogre"? When a phone call or txt made you smile and save that message? When you'd get goosebumps from holding his hand as you walked down the street? Or when you'd look at him and want to rip his clothes off?
What happened?
Where did that go? Your perfect boyfriend is now known as "The Ogre", which sums up exactly how 99% of relationships are.
Initially you go out to the cinema.
Then it's spending the evening watching DVDS on the couch, laying in spoons and hugging
Now it's Blind Date and a take away, maybe next to each other on the sofa but probably at different ends or even your own chair.
It's all stars and comets at 1st. But it slows to clouds and drizzle.
Most people just stay playing the game because it's what your supposed to do, get partner/have kids/buy home.
We all start out nervous when 1st date with someone "Will we kiss? What will they be like in bed?", it's fun and exciting and everything life should be.
He used to come in when you were in the bath didnt he? Stroke your back, wash your hair or read you stories?
Now he still comes in, but for a crap.
Dont try and convince me that relationships are anything other than comfort zones you settle into because "at my age" and "left on the shelf".
But hey, I could be wrong
What Goatboy said may apply
> to some women. But It doesn't apply to all women.
---
Ah well I havent met them all, I'm just speaking about the ones I've crashed into along the way.
I'm sure I'll meet "the one" and want to spend the rest of my life with that someone and it'll all be roses and chocolates an...hang on,I did have that and it went bad.
Naah, there are those people happy to settle into routine and then there are those with single lives, friends/movies/meals out and it never gets dull.
Ros - do you remember a time when you'd spend hours getting ready to go out with "The Ogre"? When a phone call or txt made you smile and save that message? When you'd get goosebumps from holding his hand as you walked down the street? Or when you'd look at him and want to rip his clothes off?
What happened?
Where did that go? Your perfect boyfriend is now known as "The Ogre", which sums up exactly how 99% of relationships are.
Initially you go out to the cinema.
Then it's spending the evening watching DVDS on the couch, laying in spoons and hugging
Now it's Blind Date and a take away, maybe next to each other on the sofa but probably at different ends or even your own chair.
It's all stars and comets at 1st. But it slows to clouds and drizzle.
Most people just stay playing the game because it's what your supposed to do, get partner/have kids/buy home.
We all start out nervous when 1st date with someone "Will we kiss? What will they be like in bed?", it's fun and exciting and everything life should be.
He used to come in when you were in the bath didnt he? Stroke your back, wash your hair or read you stories?
Now he still comes in, but for a crap.
Dont try and convince me that relationships are anything other than comfort zones you settle into because "at my age" and "left on the shelf".
But hey, I could be wrong
Goatboy, batchelor extraordinaire.
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