Viewing Thread:
"Joke Database"

Please write any jokes you know in here. I'll start us off:


When the Americans went up to space for the first time they discovered that biros didn't work. So they spent 7 years and $12,000,000,000 creating a biro that would write in space.

The Russians used a pencil.

Here's Two good 'blonde' jokes:

1) Blonds are so dumb, when throwing a grenade, she pullsthe grenade out and throws the pin!

2) What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?

Pull the pin out and throw it back!

I've already told this one once this week, but here goes :

Englishman, Irishman and a Scotsman wanting to join the SAS
After going through many physical and mental tests, and passing with flying colours, the three men are led into a room, where there are three doors.

The staff sargeant says
"Men, you've done very well to get this far, but this test is the hardest you will face, if you fail, you will not be allowed to join our exclusive club"
He turns to the englishman and hands him a revolver
"I want you to go through that door and kill whoever you find"
The englishman looks shaken but enters the room.
He returns about a minute later, hands the gun back to the sargeant and says
"I couldn't do it, those were my own parents, I do not love the SAS that much"
he is told to get his stuff and leave
the sargeant turns to the scotsman,
"ok, your turn"
The scotsman enters the second door, and after several minutes returns.
"I won't do it, you people are sick"
he is told to leave
the sargeant gives the gun to the irishman
"Ok, your turn now, good luck"
the irishman enters the third room

After several minutes the irishman returns, with blood all over his hands, face and the gun.
"WHAT HAPPENED???" barks the staff sargeant
"Some b*stard took the bullets out"

that one gets me every time

why did the chicken cross the road?

to get to the other side!!!!

Fishtobeking wrote:
> Bush's Tragedy
>
> One day, President Bush visited an elementary school. All the kids
> were so excited to get to meet the President. He began to talk to them
> and asked them to define the word ''tragedy.''
> "Well," one girl replied, "If my mommy ran over my dog,
> Rover, that would be a tragedy!"
>
> The President smiled at the little girl and said, "No, sweetie.
> That would be an accident! Can anyone give it a try?"
>
> A little boy sitting across the room raised his hand and said, "I
> know! I know! If our bus driver ran off of a cliff and killed
> everyone!"
>
> The President shook his head and said, "No son. That would be a
> great loss! Doesn't anyone know of a good example of a tragedy?"
>
>
> A small girl raised her hand and said, "Well, Mr. President, if
> you and Laura were in Air Force One and it was hit by a missile and
> blown to smithereens, most people would think that that was a
> tragedy!"
>
> "Very good," he said. "And what was your reason for
> that answer?"
>
> "Well," she said, "It would not be an accident and it
> sure would not be a great loss!"

Just re-read this and it ain't that good. Sorry to waste your time if you read this.

Bush's Tragedy

One day, President Bush visited an elementary school. All the kids were so excited to get to meet the President. He began to talk to them and asked them to define the word ''tragedy.''
"Well," one girl replied, "If my mommy ran over my dog, Rover, that would be a tragedy!"

The President smiled at the little girl and said, "No, sweetie. That would be an accident! Can anyone give it a try?"

A little boy sitting across the room raised his hand and said, "I know! I know! If our bus driver ran off of a cliff and killed everyone!"

The President shook his head and said, "No son. That would be a great loss! Doesn't anyone know of a good example of a tragedy?"

A small girl raised her hand and said, "Well, Mr. President, if you and Laura were in Air Force One and it was hit by a missile and blown to smithereens, most people would think that that was a tragedy!"

"Very good," he said. "And what was your reason for that answer?"

"Well," she said, "It would not be an accident and it sure would not be a great loss!"

?

bitterlout wrote:
> what is the difference between a slice of bread and a frenchman?
> answer......you can make a soldier out of a slice of bread.......ha ha

Have u heard about the new french flag???

Its a white cross against a white backround!!

How do you fit 5 donkeys on a fire engine?








2 in the back , 2 in the front and one on the top shoutting "EEEE AAAAW EEE AAW" (like a fire engine)

There were 3 men working on a bridge. There was one Englishman, one Scotsman and one Irishman.
It was thier lunchbreak so they sat down and opened their sandwiches. The Englishman opened his sandwiches and found a ham sandwich. he said " if I have ham sandwiches one more time i'll jump off this bridge". Then the Scotsman opens his sandwiches and finds turkey. he says " If I have turkey sandwiches one more time i'll jump off this bridge". Then the Irishman opens his sandwiches and finds pickle. He says "if I have pickle sandwiches one more time i'll jump off this bridge'.
So the next day, at lunchbreak they all sit down and open thier sandwiches. The Englishman has ham again, so he jumps off the bridge. The Scotsman has turkey again so he jumps off the bridge. The Irishman has pickle again, so he too jumps off the bridge. All 3 men die.
Then after the deaths, their wives are being interviewed. The Englishman's wife says, "I don't understand, I thought he liked ham sandwiches"
The Scotsman's wife says," But I always thought he liked turkey sandwiches". Then it's the Irishman's wife turn. She says, " I don't understand, he makes his own sandwiches"!