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"Mini-story, views please"

I don't know why I did what I did.

Something just came over me. Like an instinct; as natural as hunger. I found myself walking. It's like I was watching over a zombie. I felt like i had escaped, like I was a soul. I walked and I walked for miles on end. I didn't know where I was going. Everywhere I passed was new to me. But no one was out. It was like time itself had stopped and I was the only person there, trapped in my mind while my body carried me off.

Then I got there. A tingle shot up my spine. A great feeling of fear, like no fear I'd ever had before came over me. I have no idea why though. All I saw before me was a house. It looked normal, yet my pulse was getting faster and faster. I slowly walked up to the door and turned the handle. It was open. I made my way downstairs to the cellar door. It was like I lived here. Like it was a routine. I turned the key in the cellar and pushed it open. I made a long creek like it hadn't been used for years.

Empty.

The room was empty.

It didn't seem right. I'd walked idly for hours. For this. Nothing. I walked into the middle of the room and felt something brush across my shoulder. Like I had walked into a web. I wanted to turn around, but I couldn't. I was frozen. My whole body became numb.

That's when it started. That's when the pain started. It was like nothing I'd ever experienced in this world. It was like my body was trying to rip itself in two. I couldn't scream. I was trapped. Then I saw it. A ghostly, transparent figure shot out of my body. Everything went black. Silence...

****

This is a story that I've just started. Just wondered what you thought, what I could do with it ect.

Cheers
RiCkOsS

Cheers.

I'll post the next part when I've decided what to do. The thing is I could easily make a mistake of what will happen next and make the story rubbish.

One of my favorite books is a story told from a ghosts point of view. It was one of the most novel ideas I had come across for the time (of course it has been done many times now) and a very convincing discription of what it would feel like to be a ghost

I think this story holds a similar kind of promise. I like the sort of thing where you don't really know what is going on at the beginning. Keep up the good work, and I hope you will post the rest of it here for you to read.

If you want me to read through anything you write (just for an opinion, I'm not saying I'm great or anything). Then I would be happy to.

Cheers for the comments guys :-)

Hopefully they'll help me with the story :-)

make sure it has partial nudity. Then at least if you screw up it can be converted to a late night ITV film...

Nope, the sane person still hasn't arrived (excluding Belldandy).

Whoops, screwed that up.. at least it contained partial nudity. Think about it.

Hmm, here's a few suggestions but I fear they may be rather cliched - what you absolutely do not want though, is for someone to wake up and it was all a dream, here goes;

Someone could be dying (hospital ?) and the story could switch to them and those opening bits are what is going through that person's mind, obviously it needs to link in to a bigger story somehow.

It could be what a chracter is themselves writing, you could go back and tell the story of what happened in diary/memories way.

Thats all I can think of,

~~Belldandy~~

I reckon that you should wait for a sane opinion.

Alice in Wonderland was a classic!

Erm...

*shuts up*

It does sorta make you want to read the next part to find out what happens.
Then again, I got that when I had to read Alice In Wonderland at school.

Hehe :-)

I know it's not scary, that's why I'm posting it here, I need to know where I've gone wrong ect.

Ooh, scary.