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"Mini-story, views please"

I don't know why I did what I did.

Something just came over me. Like an instinct; as natural as hunger. I found myself walking. It's like I was watching over a zombie. I felt like i had escaped, like I was a soul. I walked and I walked for miles on end. I didn't know where I was going. Everywhere I passed was new to me. But no one was out. It was like time itself had stopped and I was the only person there, trapped in my mind while my body carried me off.

Then I got there. A tingle shot up my spine. A great feeling of fear, like no fear I'd ever had before came over me. I have no idea why though. All I saw before me was a house. It looked normal, yet my pulse was getting faster and faster. I slowly walked up to the door and turned the handle. It was open. I made my way downstairs to the cellar door. It was like I lived here. Like it was a routine. I turned the key in the cellar and pushed it open. I made a long creek like it hadn't been used for years.

Empty.

The room was empty.

It didn't seem right. I'd walked idly for hours. For this. Nothing. I walked into the middle of the room and felt something brush across my shoulder. Like I had walked into a web. I wanted to turn around, but I couldn't. I was frozen. My whole body became numb.

That's when it started. That's when the pain started. It was like nothing I'd ever experienced in this world. It was like my body was trying to rip itself in two. I couldn't scream. I was trapped. Then I saw it. A ghostly, transparent figure shot out of my body. Everything went black. Silence...

****

This is a story that I've just started. Just wondered what you thought, what I could do with it ect.

Cheers
RiCkOsS

Cheers pb and Ros.

I wanted to build up the characters more than I did within the middle part, but I didn't have much time due to school and lots of homework.

I'll probably do another story soon. I've got an idea, just writing it's the problem :-D

i didn't notice that you had written any more, sorry about not replying sooner.

I really liked it. I didn't think that the middle bit was bad either. It would have been nice to have fleshed the story out a bit more, but as this is a chat forum and we are not all Grix it becomes a little hard to do that. Great ending, leaves a lot of questions unanswered (which isn't always a bad thing as it lets people think abaout the answers to the questions and make their own mind up what was going on).

I hope you will write some more stuff.

Ros

Great ending. Different too. Read it people!

After that everything was fine.

A year passed and forgot about what happened.

But something happened again. Exactly a year after this whole thing started. I found myself walking again. The same roads. The same houses. The same cars. It was like déjà vu. When I got to the house. That same fear, but this time I knew why. I walked into the house and into the same cellar like I once did that lifetime ago.

This time something was different though. No pain. The same ghostly figure shot from my body, the only pain I had was from shock. In some way I knew him. It was like seeing a creation from a dream in the flesh. I'd never seen him. But I knew who he was. I knew.

He turned to me. His eyes. They were white. No pupils. No eyes. Just white. I was about to ask him what he wanted, but before I even opened my mouth he spoke.

"Death! Need death! To rest..."

He hardly had a voice. It was like a small child learning to talk, but with some kind presence that no human could describe.

He started to walk towards me. A fast pace. Making no sound as his souls hit the floor. He went grab but just fell inside my body. I was pushed out of my embodiment as he walked into the center of the room. He bent over and grabbed for a knife. He wanted to die... and he needed my body. I ran at him. Tried to push him out. My pain was great. Inside I was screaming. All I wanted was to push him out. I fought and I fought and I did it! That thing flew back. It was like nothing I'd ever experienced. Joy for getting myself back. Anger for the man. Worry that I could die.

I did what I could only do.

I ran.

I felt the breeze hit my face as I desperately tried to get away. Not hearing his footsteps, but knowing he wasn't far behind. I ran as far as I could until I couldn't anymore. Then I tried to hide. I lay under a bush. It was like lying in my own open grave.

I began to shiver. It was happeneing. I felt my body completely departing from my mind. I got up and tried to run. But all I could see was a boy cutting his throat. Blood seeping out staining his clothes a deep red colour. That's when I went mad.

Screams in my mind.

Tears in my mind.

Death in my mind.

Now I sit here, atop my grave. Reading this story out to myself forevermore...

*****

Well, that's it, hope you enjoyed it. The middle bit wasn't great but I hope you liked the end.

RiCkOsS

POP!

Third part will be done soon.

Cheers :-)

I've got the idea for the end and the start is done, the hardest bit is the content though, which I'll have to think up soon!

Looking good so far, interesting storyline that would make me read on.
Maybe give a few little hints at some kind of plot soon though...

Go write some more!

Ali

POP

Please read my story :-)

I don't know what happened that night. It could of been a number of things. Maybe I do know but I'm surpressing my feelings deep inside, almost as though my subconscious was protecting me from the reality. I don't think anything happened to my body. I most probably walked back home, as if nothing had happened, while my mind lolled in a state of unconsciousness.

I woke up at the dinner table. Half way through eating my breakfast. Then I stopped. I could stop. It was like someone stole my body to do something. Let something happen. I wanted to scream with joy. But when I tried nothing came out. It was like bit by bit I kept forgetting things; first how to move and now how to speak. I tried not to think about it, although everywhere I went I kept remembering. Houses shot back into my memory like a stray bullet. Taxing my brain for answers. Why?

I went to school as usual, I had to write on a piece of scrap paper that I'd lost my voice. It was hard. It just made me wonder if I was going to be like this forever. I shed tears in my mind; tears of worry and fear. I couldn't show these on the outside thoguh. Something was pushing me back. I knew it right not to, though. There would always be fears in my mind that if I did I'd have to go to therapy.

After a while I got used to it. I had to just except it and get on with my day. I managed to forget it by lunchtime. Then I spoke. Well I'm not sure if it was me or some kind of phantom that had stolen my voice. But it wasn't just why I, or whoever, said it, it's what was said.

It was a scream

A scream of the suffering. I'd never heard my voice with such a painful sound. The word I screamed, was "death!"

For a second I got a peircing pain in my head. Like something had just been pushed into my head and come out of the other side. Then I was okay. A bit dizzy, but okay all the same...

*****

Okay, so it's not the best parts, seems a bit repetative, but It's all could think of, just to build up the tention to whjat is actually happens.

Hope you enjoyed it.
RiCkOsS

I've got an idea for the next part of the story, not sure if it'll be good or not, i'll just have to see.

I've got a good idea for an ending, well what I see as good may turn out pretty bad, but what the hay.