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"He felt bad. For an hour."

He felt bad because he didn’t feel bad.
Does that make sense? I’ll explain if you have a couple of minutes, it’s not much to spare to sum up a few years of his life.

He did everything for her, because that’s what he thought you did for someone you loved. Without asking or question he would take her places, wait for hours whilst she pursued her dreams.
He lost count the number of times he had driven over there at 3am when she needed someone to tell her how special she was.
He surrendered totally to her.
And all the time, he refused to see how stupid he was. He couldn’t see how he was getting played.
He ate so much of himself you would laugh at him if you didn’t pity him so much. But he thought this was the real deal, he genuinely couldn’t see beyond his own view.

He let himself be told, time and time again, how he could improve himself. How he could be a better man, how he could be more productive and achieve more.
The oddest thing though, he was happy being him.
But it got so he didn’t know who he was supposed to be anymore.

Then one day, the worst and best thing happened at the same time. He was condemned to his prison of wounded-ego yet set free from the very things that upset him (only he couldn’t see it right at that moment).
And he played the bad-man role so well he ended up feeling guilty they had split, even though it wasn’t his decision.
He begged and pleaded for her to change her mind, but she pinched her lip and told him how it had taken her so long to reach this decision.
Like that was supposed to help him I guess?
So he went back to this room and wrote many heavy and important things to try and explain to himself just why he felt bad about the split.
Then it hit him:
He didn’t feel bad at all.
Oh sure, he felt lonely, but that passes.

He felt happy because he could just get on with the things that made him happy, the things that made her unhappy.
Only that was the moment she decided she had made a mistake and wanted him back.
But he didn’t want that.
But he had been played so well that he felt bad about not wanting to get back to her.
Can you imagine that?
This man felt like the guilty party because he had been dumped?

He laughed at the absurdity of the whole thing. He knew what he wanted to do, he wanted to phone her and let her get really emotional about wanting to reunite.
He wanted to hear her at her most vulnerable and open.
And he wanted to laugh and hang up on her.
But he was good, he continued to take her calls and listen to her regrets and he mouthed sympathy noises.

And as soon as he was off the phone to her?
He was on the phone to another girl.
He was being exactly who he wanted to be with this one.
He was in control, this one didn’t have his number so she couldn’t call him.
She emailed him a couple of times a day – flirtatious and amusing contacts.
And he liked this, because it was still at the stage where you looked forward to hearing this one on the phone, imagining what it will be like when you hook up.
And he enjoyed it all the more because he knew exactly where this was headed – nowhere deep and meaningful.

The first one had been interesting enough to talk to
Nothing in common but let’s be honest here for a moment
If you think you’re going to get laid then you’ll fake interest in anything
Anyone that says different is a liar or Jesus H Christ himself
So they did it (you want a poem about love? Go read Keats)
And afterwards he stopped calling her and moved on
The next one seemed ok
They spent two weekends together and she gave him the whole rap
About how she was still trying to get rid of her ex-husband and blah blah
And he decided he didn’t want to deal with that emotional anchor
So he told her
And she got mad at him, phoned and texted him all hours calling him names
So what did he do? Did he accept these insults and agree?
Yeah right, I’ll tell you what happened
He phoned her and showed her what true anger was
She stopped calling

The third seemed like a winner
She was intelligent, attractive and independent
And after 2 weeks she went back to her ex
She hoped he didn’t mind and wasn’t upset
He told her he wasn’t and to have a nice life
The fourth was the most recent
She was happy, bubbly and very fit
He ran through the script and they got it on
She then felt confused about what had happened and
“I didn’t mean for it to go that far that quick”

And he laughed to himself
It’s not like she didn’t know what she was doing
She was more than willing and extremely able
But he knew what it was that bugged her
She wasn’t honest with herself about life
She felt guilty for enjoying sex without a relationship of months
He had not needed to convince her to shed her clothes
She asked him to stay, not the other way round
He had provided her with the excuse for enjoying herself
And she took it, as she should do
Except then she got that whole guilt thing
She ran that whole “Not looking for anything serious” schtick to him
And he agreed 100%
She wanted time to “sort her head out”
He had already deleted her number from his phone and replaced it

Don’t get mad my friend or think I’m treating them like objects
Not once have I done anything other than be a willing participant
And I’ve been nothing but honest with them all
They say they want the same thing
Until they get it, and then they get confused feel angry at themselves
For just enjoying life and themselves with someone
But that’s life I suppose
Now, if you’ll excuse me I have to arrange Wednesday night
With one from last Friday

Honestly, you’d think it would be harder than this to bag them
But it’s not
You just have to be confident enough to know that underneath that make-up
Underneath that attractive face and admiring glances from other men in the pub
Is a person that just wants to be told how special they are
Do that with a straight face and you’re sorted.
Of course you’ll call me shallow and heartless
But as far as I can see, everyone does it
Just not everyone admits it

Grix- Some people get all the luck!

I'll be writing about my recent experiences in that area... learning life the really hard way.

I'll be posting it in here someday, I'm just not quite ready to be completely laughed at... yet. :-D



Goaty - it's a valuble lesson I could learn from you, only it's the sort of thing I could only learn the hard way.

Mr. Happy wrote:
> I feel kind of the same, despite not being as much of a merchant of
> seduction and destruction

Hey I'm no villain here (even though I know you're not saying that).
That's what really makes me glad I'm out for nothing more than pub-talk and then humpy.
Because none of these women have been forced to sleep with me, they're just as eager.
Except 3 of them have suddenly gone weird afterwards with "This got a bit serious"??
No it didn't. What's serious about admitting you like to get naked? I'm not asking for marriage or boyfriend that you take everywhere.


Be warned, he is
> moving into the Bukowski years, just without the odd-jobs and alcohol
---

Woo-hoo!
I've had my share of crap jobs (including a post-office) and I'm starting to booze it.
Just think, in another 40 years from now I might start to be able to earn money from my ramblings.
That would rule.

Thanks. :0)

Goatboy wrote:
> *bangs head on desk*
>
> "What are you thinking?"
> Always my fav question from a skinny.
> "What are you thinking?"
> "I'm thinking I was great and a shame my mates didn't see"

What are you thinking?"

Indeed the worst question ever.

Laying in bed, the conversation often goes a little like this:

Lisa: What are you thinking.
Me: Nothing
Lisa: No, come on, I can see you smirking, what are you thinking.
Me: Nothing important
Lisa: What?
Me: No.
Lisa: Go on!
Me: I was just wondering who would win in a fight out of a monkey-faced boy and a boy-faced monkey.
Lisa: ...
Me: I'll turn the light out.

I'm not sure how women's minds work, but it seems to me that they aren't troubled by such things, and find my entroublement somewhat baffling.

Surely they're not constantly thinking about relevant stuff, are they?

Another favourite is:

"I bet you hate me now, don't you?"

Yes, that's right. In the matter of one second I can go from loving you to hating you for something as petty as not rinsing the plates after we had take-away.

Heh, they sure are odd, but loveable beings.


Oh, and Grix, congrats mate. And if you want an example of a happy couple, I'm half of one.

Even though Goaty's thread's been completely hijacked by the Grix Thraves publicity machine (and yes "the Princess Bride" is a foundation that every relationship should have) I'm still going to reply to the original post...

I feel kind of the same, despite not being as much of a merchant of seduction and destruction, I spent many hours, days, this past summer reassuring someone that they were special, and it wasn't just to get in her pants, though I did, it was because at that time I believed it. And she would phone me at 2 in the morning because her ex-boyfriend (far away) had shouted at her down the phone, and I would make her smile again by massaging her ego. And then she got home (far far away) and went through a major guilt trip. And I suddenly became this monster who had seduced her, when I hadn't at all, I had just said things she wanted to here sincerely. And she threw it all back in my face. So I stopped.

I didn't want to start arguing with her or trying to persuade her otherwise because if anyone can be that damn fickle then how can you trust them not to do it again. It was without pretext, just an entirely random message to say that she hated me. And so I removed her from my life.

And yes it makes me sad, but I know that there will be others and I know that it was not my fault that things turned out the way they did.

Ever seen Paris, Texas? I think now that I would end up walking away too. Obviously that sentence makes no sense if you've not seen the film but I don't want to spoil it for those that haven't.

I don't know if Goaty's thing (can't think of a word) was a poem, a story or just an ordinary post, but I liked it. Be warned, he is moving into the Bukowski years, just without the odd-jobs and alcohol :-)

You pooftah

*loves stealing Goatboy's thunder*

Muhahaha

I read this, and was confused. To be blunt. But from what I understood, it was ... different.

Hhmm

Haha

Yes I already knew your story Goatboy

I lurk and read everything

You'll be an old man when I'll be in my prime

Why would you like to touch a man?

I liked the original post.
It had cyncism and a free-form style to it.

He sounds like a handsome stranger and I'd like to touch him